Sunday, January 25, 2009

Torreadors & More

My BFF(1) told the Bull his name on my blog-- My BFF(1) cannot keep a secret! She's been dying to tell him since the Nobul Red event. He's never read the blog & says he's not sure he wants to--I'm really not sure I want him to either--too many potential personal pitfalls (love that alliteration!).

Finally the Bull attended the Best Friend's Saturday Wine Tasting. And on the list guessed it....Nobul Red!!! So of course my BFF(1) & I cracked up--& why she had to spill the beans. He was very funny. He's decided that he was going to come up with a better name--that will be interesting. He had a bottle of coke with him that he refused to give up, stating that was his wine of choice, & that he was a two-fisted drinker & was talking about everything BUT tasting wine. He was entertaining my BFF(1) while my BFF(2) & I were trying, unsuccessfully, to taste wines--go figure! Actually, he made it very difficult for any of us to concentrate. I was in a heightened state with him anyway because recently certain things had changed with him--more about that later. He & I wandered over to pick out a bottle of Reisling for later since he likes whites better than reds--OH NO!!! So now I have an unopened bottle of Reisling in the fridge that I promised I wouldn't use for cooking....

While all this was going on, a guy who I've been talking to on the phone & who I met for the first time today was in the the Wine store. He told me that he saw me with a blond (BFF(2)). At first I wasn't sure because I was also with BFF(1) & the Bull-but he mentioned both of them too. I'm very glad that he didn't walk up to me because it could have been VERY awkward. As it stands I met him for coffee today & he's cute, funny & 17 years my senior. Ah--I may have a potential sugar daddy! We will go out again. Also potentially a pitfall was when the sugar daddy called me this afternoon while the Bull was still in my house folding laundry on my bed. The Bull could hear it was a guy on the phone & kept mouthing words at me like "slut" & "whore" making me laugh so hard I couldn't talk--I tried to shush him but he kept making faces at me & saying stuff. He said he did that because he could hear the guy's voice & wanted me to keep laughing. He says he's not possessive but I said that a little possessiveness is good.

Anyway, we attended a dinner for Black Belts at a really good Korean restaurant in Catonsville & the Bull had a field day. Heaped a ton of meat on the cooking grill in the middle of the table, kept giving me all kinds of foods to try including acorn--a little odd but at least I can say I've eaten it. He was, as usual, charming & fun. He always asks me after we go to things like that if he did a good job with my friends, etc. It's like this very self-assured guy has a little kid inside still not sure if people like him. Times like that make me like him even more--

I said I'd say why things have changed with the Bull--he got rid of the other woman he was also dating. So now it's just us....finally! And now I'm more willing to be open with him & not hold back certain parts of me (not literally). He's commented on this & he brought his laundry too--BFF(1) says that's a BIG deal! I told him that he was welcome to do his laundry but don't expect me to do it. This weekend was very different--we had very frank & honest discussions about how we felt, etc. He told me that I caused a lot of trouble for him with the other person which apparently was one reason why it didn't last--she got too possessive. So I had to ask why, if it was causing all this trouble, did he continue to see me despite trying to have a realtionship with her? If everyone remembers, he did break up with me in October to pursue this other relationship. Obviously, he couldn't just let me go & I decided just to see where it would go & be patient--hence all of my very conflicted thoughts about the Bull in the first place. He told me that he thought we were great friends, which he knew I already knew, that we had similar values & that he has a lot of fun with me & that we are good together. We are--I've known that a long time--again, I'll be patient & see where we go. I made a promise to myself that when we hit the 9 month mark, if we were still seeing one another, I'd reassess whether or not I wanted to continue with the Bull. We are at month 7 so I have two more to go. Right now I'm still waving the red cape.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Reach Out & Touch--Bad Touch

A couple months ago I mentioned cyber-stalking & phone stalking that I had been experiencing. It had been ongoing but was just a minor irritant up until a few weeks ago. The wack-job called me yet again & left me a new, even more crazy threatening message. She told me that she had warned me not to keep in contact with her husband & that I hadn't listened. She said my cell phone number was all over the cell records & that if she caught me out she would "crush my fucking skull!" Lovely! None of what she said is remotely true since I don't even know her husband. All I know is his name is Chris & he lives in Harford County (see, I told you that that part of Maryland just wasn't my bag). I'm not sure which alternate universe she resides in but I'm pretty damn sure I haven't been seeing a Chris. In other words, the Bull's name isn't Chris & he doesn't live in Harford County.

This time I decided to go to the police. I make a report & the officer listens to the message. Of course crazy-lady always makes the calls "restricted". He says he will subpoena my cell records to see if he can get the number so I can press charges. Now it's a few weeks later & I call to find out what I can do & if I can go place a restraining order against my wackadoo stalker. The officer tells me that he can't access the number after all & there's not too much I can do other than change my cell number. I REALLY don't want to do that because everyone I know calls me on that number. So here I am stuck with some crazy person up in Harford County who gets her jollies calling & threatening me with bodily harm. Never let it be said that dating was dull! Or in this case not even dating...I'm not sure I talked to this Chris guy more than once way back in August & he obviously left a huge impression on me...well his "wife" would love to leave a huge impression on me.

Nope, not gonna mention him....I know you want me to.

Monday, January 19, 2009

NoBul Red & Ravens

I am sad that we aren't going to the Super Bowl and that's all I'm going to say about it.

This past week has been very trying for me & I've been again flooded with the feelings that I try to avoid when dealing with the Bull. I don't know exactly what triggered it all but it may have had something to do with his phone call on Tuesday telling me he wasn't going to stay over this weekend. I think I saw the tailspin triggered about right there--of course it didn't help that my hormones were completely out of whack too. As soon as I pressure the man in any way he gets all wonky on punishment for actually confronting him last week. Poor Bull though--he has not had a good week either. He was told that his contract would not be renewed & he's now got to scramble to get a new job, not lose his apartment, & pay his bills--he's seriously sweating bullets & I feel for him. I wish there was something more I could do. But I think keeping my mouth shut about my issues with him & trying to help him feel as good as I can do did the trick.

While wine tasting my BFF(1) & I came across a nice Tempranillo wine called Nobul Red. Well it was at least three weeks ago that we found it & it took us until last night to realize the irony of the name. Even sadder is that there is a picture of a bull on the label & we STILL didn't connect the dots until last night! Maybe it was that the Bull was right in her living room & I had just finished telling her about our racy pre-game romp & how he came very close to causing us to miss at least the first half, that we both looked at the wine bottle & completely lost it. We couldn't stop giggling most of the first half of the game. We had a great time & she told me that the two of us looked mighty cozy snuggling on her couch throughout the game. He did stay the night after all. No Bull!

Sunday, January 11, 2009


I love airplanes! So an opportunity to go to the Udvar-Hazy Center near Dulles seemed kinda cool. Also known as the Air & Space Museum Annex. The Bull had planned this outing for our kids Saturday & I think I was the most excited by it. I have to give the Bull credit--he'd planned everything pretty carefully & he obviously can be very child-centered but in a cool, okay for adults too kinda way. We park my car near the V metro stop & as soon as I open my door the Bull's son hops out & asks if he can attack my son....he really likes him & I think he loves having this laid-back big brother type to wail on. Baby bull is HYPER--I thought my kid was, but this kid talks non-stop at a mile a minute. I thought the Bull talked a lot but I was mistaken. Whew!!!

We first went to an amazing BBQ in Va. This place is authentic & very cool--I think the Bull is in search of the best BBQ in the area & I was impressed, having been to many in the St. Louis area that put most around here to shame. This place was hopping! We couldn't even find a place to sit at first. But the St. Louis style ribs I had were pretty authentic--the Bull's burnt ends were amazing & the sides couldn't be any better--loved the mash & baked beans--YUM!

Next on to Udvar-Hazy:

I LOVE this place--especially the older planes--the first in flight ones. I could look at them forever. The Bull tells me he's never seen a woman so excited by old planes--even more than my son. The Baby bull is just excited regardless. The Bull purchases tix to the IMAX show which is called "Fighter Pilot". Not my bag, but it was cool nonetheless--my son loved it. First though we walk around looking at all these amazing planes. Of course I know what I want to see--the Enola Gay in all her glory, right in the center of the WWII planes. I want to see if my relative's name is written on the side. He was part of the crew--a radarman in charge of making sure the bomb exploded on the ground & not before hitting the ground or near the plane in an age when radar technology was brand-spanking new. So I can't find his name & I wander over to these old geezer-types to ask if they can help me. After I tell them who I am, they get very excited & walk us over to the guide who's got a whole group assembled in front of the Enola Gay. He tells everyone that they have a treat today because one of the relatives of a crew member is here. I am thoroughly embarrassed by this but try to downplay it all. We look for his name but can't find it. He was not one of the more known members like Tibbetts but he had a huge role regardless. The geezers weren't familiar with my great uncle but the Bull googles him on his blackberry & tells them all about him. I think he was impressed because I wasn't bullshitting (no pun intended) about my great uncle. My son wanted to make a big deal but I wasn't into being a spectacle so I try to hustle us all on. It was cool though.

After the movie we decide to leave & go to the next stop on our itinerary--this hobby shop for remote control toys also in Virginia. Not sure they need the advertising as the place was packed. The Bull needed a part for the remote toy he'd given the Baby Bull. Toys really does not adequately explain this place. Apparently there is no other place like it anywhere in southern Pennsylvania, Baltimore, D.C. or Virginia. It was very cool walking around looking at the slot cars, helicopters, planes, tanks, etc. I end up buying my kid these remote control toys that the Bull had gotten for his son. Now all of them can play together which apparently is the plan in the future. These aren't cheap so I hope they actually have a chance to battle on another. The Bull thinks the four of us will battle on teams.....I'd rather sail a remote sailboat but I guess I'll humor them.

I have to say that it was another great day we had--the Bull always comments on how well our kids get along--& I'm thinking, Well duh! Maybe that's because what we have is pretty great & the kids either sense it or actually have a big-little brother affinity for one another. Next we have to plan that ski trip--but I know we will & it will most probably be great too.

A sidenote: I did force the Bull to have a somewhat confrontational discussion with me on Saturday morning before we left. He of course tried to wiggle out, but I pushed..which he hated because he tells my I am pushy sometimes. But I wanted him to understand that I want honesty from him. That I didn't like him not telling me he couldn't come up Saturday night at the last minute so I could plan. He hadn't been sure if he had the Baby bull until that day. I said it was unfair & that I felt that he takes advantage of me. He disagreed of course but I think he understood my feelings. I think it was a good discussion & wasn't as bad as he thought it would be & maybe he can see that conflict between us isn't going to be horrible like the other relationships he's been part of, but maybe productive because it helps us to further understand one another. If for anything else, I at least felt that I had a little more control over our relationship than before & felt safer actually discussing how I felt instead of fearing that he'd just say forget it.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hot, Cool & Green Salads

I'm trying to figure out what happened to the bull. I think he was replaced by a guy who wants to have a relationship with me...I got a text this morning indicating that he wasn't sure which day this weekend he'd be available because of his son. Which really didn't surprise me too much. I told him about tentative plans that my bff (1) & I talked about for Saturday. He texted back that he'd call me back. When he did our conversation was about future plans with our sons & the ski trip that he insists we plan this weekend. He also was very excited about going out Saturday night, if he can, because he says how much he enjoys my bff(1) & her husband's company. It was amazing because in the past he's been so guarded about planning anything beyond the next weekend & even then he says I pressure now all of a sudden he wants to get the boys together Saturday too, wanting my son to stay with his grandparents in Bethesda Friday night & then picking up the boys in the morning to do something together. Needless to say, I am cautiously optimistic & hope this is a turning point--if we do all he says he wants to do...

I have a friend who's about 19 or 20 years old. I feel like I'm sort of a mentor to him--he's had a few problems figuring out how to be responsible so we talk about stuff. I'll call him Salad. For the past few months he's been coming over every once in a while to hang out a little. So the other day he sends me a text asking about my boyfriend & how things are going with him. I'm a bit puzzled by this because why should he care until he begins asking me questions about whether or not I'd be interested in a "different" kind of relationship with him. At which point I definitely get where he's going with this. I tell him that I'm flattered but why would he be interested in someone so much older than he is. He tells me that I'm cool to hang out with, pretty hot, and he is interested in expanding our friendship beyond just nice. But again I don't relish the idea of being a Cougar for him. Hmmmm, then again I hear 20 year olds are like the energizer bunny......

Saturday, January 3, 2009

New Year's Eve

was great!

Which only makes everything more difficult when trying to make the bull "a great, nice guy to have fun with." And NOT a soul mate....

Part I: We go to my folks' house for dinner. My brother-in-law had an amazing spread planned: filet mignon, lobster tails, & king crab legs along with roasted asparagus & baked potatoes. It was phenomenal....We arrive, late of course, can't help it--we are always somewhat preoccupied when we're together, [hint, hint].....& the bull & my dad immediately start a deep discussion about politics. The bull is a huge newshound & politico so this was a natural place for him to go. The dynamics that evening were very interesting. He does fit in so well with the parents & my son so that's were things get confusing. Again my mom enjoys his company & tells me how attuned he is to me...My sister on the other hand wasn't so enthusiastic about the bull. I know she is being protective of me & doesn't want to see me hurt again. I don't want to see me hurt again either which is why I try to remind myself of how much I can really expect from him. I think the most interesting conversation was between my sis & the bull regarding what is cool. He apparently thinks I'm cool when I just think I'm a geek. My sis thinks I'm cooler than she is but there isn't a clear definition of what's cutting edge or cool. All I know is I'm considered cool...go figure. Also the relationship between my son & the bull is also quite nice. They love to pick on me together--not in a mean way, but teasingly. I like that. The fireworks had been cancelled so we had plans to leave & go to a friend's party by my house.

Part II: The party was also fun. My BFF(1) was there & already quite loopy. She was hysterically funny. She had a glow stick stuck in her hair which made her look like the devil, or an alien. Then she stuck one in her cleavage & walked around saying she was Dolly Parton as a pre-teen...guess you had to be there....There actually were two parties going on at the same time--one for the fogies & one for the college kids. The bull & I found ourselves hanging with the college kids more...not sure what that says about us, but oh well. As the ball on the TV dropped, I began to wonder what would be first: the New Year's champagne toast or the kiss? I wanted the kiss first because in my mind that was more consistent with being in a relationship with someone, but I wasn't going to push it. Luckily, the kiss was first & quite fulfilling, erasing those doubts. All I can say is that New Years was truly ideal: with a guy I really like, my best friend, time with my sister, my son & great has been a long time coming.

Part III: The next day & I was expecting the bull to leave fairly early. I had gotten a gift for him: you may ask why, & I may ask why, but I saw this silver disc with a Walt Whitman quote on one side & a sailboat engraved on the other & I thought of the both of us. "Now Voyager, Sail thou forth, to seek & find." I wasn't going to give it to him...but we'd had a conversation earlier in the evening on the way to the party that made me change my mind. He said that he felt we were a lot alike: that we thought alike & that we really "got" each other & how much he liked that about us. As always he seems to find the correct time to say something that hooks me right back in...So I gave him the gift & he really seemed to like it & understand what had motivated me to get it. That's all I could ask for. That & the fact that he stayed until 6 P.M. Very Nice. I had to hustle to get downtown to my folk's to see the rescheduled fireworks at 7. After the fireworks, which were awesome, I see that the bull had sent me a text at 7:02. A bunch of "boom, crash, bangs" in a long text. It was nice to know that he was thinking of me on the way home. Another thing I've discovered: If the bull feels good about the time we spend together he calls me that night when he gets home to talk. It was a long talk on Thursday night.