Saturday, January 30, 2010

Boyfriend? Please....

Very informal poll taken at work yesterday. Decided to try to figure out another name for boyfriend. Afterall, when you're in your 40s having a "boyfriend" just seems rather puerile. Soooo, I asked my co-workers for their opinions. And this is what I got:

"He's your Boo." Um, no.

"Your complication." OK, well, complicated is certainly true so that could work. This came from my co-worker who explained that in her relationship she needed a 12-step extrication program. My complication ain't that complicated....

Another co-worker said that when she was a kid, she & her sister would answer the phone & when the caller asked for their mom they'd say that "she was in a business meeting." Having sex=business meeting...

Of course the ubiquitous, "that's my Lover." Always with the emphasis as "lovah" circa a 1970s porn flick. And it connotes a sleezy kind of connection--not an honest relationship...

This isn't going too well...

"my guy"
"close friend"
"significant other"

"partner" Most people felt that was used in the Gay community & meant that I was a lesbian...

So far, not what I wanted. Why are we so short on appropriate replacement words for 'boyfriend'?

Most people were of the opinion that the best one was "this is my man." Problem is: I don't like it.

The ones I did like were "my boy-toy"--I like it because it is so obviously a joke that it just eases everyone & diverts away from the awkward use of boyfriend at my age.

And: "sparring partner"--reference to TKD.

Finally: BF. That works cuz it implies boyfriend without actually saying it. Plus it works on Facebook, Twitter, texting, emailing.....all "the portals" as said in He's Just Not That Into You.

But none of them are 100% right--of course my kid always says "My mom's new boyfriend is coming over later" to his friends so it is a natural label in his mind. I hope he wouldn't say "boy-toy".

So Boyfriend, Please! it is.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Well, maybe not jettisoned but certainly changed.

I decided that I no longer wanted to be involved with my guys beyond a friendship--

I made that decision last week even before Xing Fu & I actually discussed it--I just don't want to be involved with them in that way anymore. I just knew.

So how do I let these guys down? It was a little dicey for me--I really liked all of them & didn't want to lose their friendships but was prepared if I did.

I must admit that it's nice to have a few to tell as opposed to none to tell...nice for the ego to be honest.

Overall they were all very cool with it--still wanting to "hang out" & be friends--for this I am glad because I enjoy my friendships with them & certainly didn't want them to end--just become a different incarnation. Seamus seemed very happy for me--I have a bit of a bittersweet feeling with him but I know we'll still be close friends--just the way we are. SM also was cool--& he did know something was up last week at wine tasting..he also felt that it had been unfair to expect me to continue to wait for him. So as I said, very cool guys--and they're still my friends--I have to say I'm grateful for their continued friendships as over the past months as they certainly have enhanced my life.

My feet still haven't touched down....

Saturday, January 23, 2010

On the Cusp

Look at me with starry eyes
Push me up to starry skies
There's stardust in my head
Pure and simple every time
Fresh and deep as oceans new
Shiver at the sight of you
I'll sing a softer tune
Pure and simple over you
Pure and simple just for you

The Lightening Seeds--Pure

Been a bit over-the-top recently and certainly my feet are hovering in the stratosphere. I guess eventually I'll need to float back down to earth. I'm quite sure my BFFs are getting a little worn out by my behavior--thank goodness they indulge me...or mebbe they want to take me out back & shoot me thereby alleviating their collective misery in dealing with the floating girl. But they're certainly being good sports as I've been bouncing, bouncing, bouncing like Tigger these days. It is intoxicating at times but I am continuously excited by the connections there seem to be between us--we keep uncovering more & I think it surprises us both--every time we've been together we discover that we both know a remote area down south that very few others in our acquaintance know, or countless other seemingly small things that just add more to the list of alignment.

Last night BFF(J) & her husband met Xing Fu for the first time. Overall impressions were favorable--it was a rather short introduction as we had dinner reservations for Baltimore Restaurant Week and we were dropping my kid off at her house so he could hang with her son. He told me that he wants to meet my friends which makes me very happy--I like that he wants to be involved that way.

In fact, my BFF(J) said that he was much better than the Bull in her opinion--that is a very good thing. I told him that what I learned from my relationship with the Bull will make me better with him. Looking forward to it.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Dating in "Smalltimore"

So I've finally made it! Or so it seems. Baltimore Magazine has an article accompanying this month's singles issue entitled "Don't I Know You?" in which I am featured. Link to come soon. Kinda fun to see my blog in print and some of my adventures out there for the Smalltimore world. I will link soon so stay tuned!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Oh, Wow!

I was dreaming in the driver's seat
When the right words just came to me

And all my finer feelings came up

Always out on some witch's hunt

For the one who never lets me want

Before you know it it's all fuss

Sometimes I think that I'll find a love

One that's gonna change my heart

I'll find it in Commercial Appeal
And then this heartache'll get chased away

--Spoon Finer Feelings

It has been a very good weekend. It started with a MAJOR migraine all day Friday, but I must agree that even though I was suffering, my weekend started early.

I got my Spoon tickets!!! Both shows sold out almost immediately, but some dumb luck that particular ticket-buying site wasn't blocked by the work computer filters. I am so excited! Just one day earlier I had bought tickets to see Nada Surf. I saw them last year with the Bull, had written about how they had done just OK, so I figured a second look was worth it from a new perspective since I did enjoy them still. Even more interesting was what prompted my post about synchronicity. I had been sitting on my bed reading the Baltimore City Paper and came across Sonar's ad. Alex Grey was back on after being snowed out last month. I turned on the computer so I could send Xing Fu an email to tell him it was back on. I opened my email & sure enough there was an email from him, explaining that he was just reading the City Paper & came across the Sonar ad! Serious synchronicity! So now I have 3 months of concerts to watch: Alex Grey in February, SPOON! in March, & Nada Surf in April--Yehaw!

But that's only the tip of a far more wonderfully intense weekend. "Good things come to those who wait." Certainly an oft repeated saying, but it holds true. Good things definitely came to me this weekend in the form of Xing Fu and the realization that synchronicity can happen between two people, amazingly so. I spent most of my weekend somewhat giddy & many people noticed, especially at wine tasting. Goofy smile aside, I kept thinking of another oft repeated phrase, "You snooze, you lose." SM certainly kept asking me what was up. I told him nothing, really, but I'm quite sure he knew. I guess I owe him an explanation & perhaps I'll tell him soon, we'll see.

Anyway, last night I invited Xing Fu over for a visit. Upon entering my house he said, "I hope you don't mind if I watch the game--cable isn't hooked up yet." I answered, "So you only like me for my HD-TV?" Game? What game? I am a seriously happy chickie right about now.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


What is Synchronicity?

The term synchronicity is coined by Jung to express a concept that belongs to him. It is about acausal connection of two or more psycho-physic phenomena. This concept was inspired to him by a patient's case that was in situation of impasse in treatment. Her exaggerate rationalism (animus inflation) was holding her back from assimilating unconscious materials. One night, the patient dreamt a golden scarab - cetonia aurata. The next day, during the psychotherapy session, a real insect this time, hit against the Jung's cabinet window. Jung caught it and discovered surprisingly that it was a golden scarab; a very rare presence for that climate.

cetonia aurata
Cetonia Aurata or the Colden Scarab
So, the idea is all about coincidence: in this case, between the scarab dreamt by the patient and its appearance in reality, in the psychotherapy cabinet.

But this coincidence is not senseless, a simple coincidence. By using the amplification method, Jung associates in connection with the scarab and comes to the concept of death and rebirth from the esoteric philosophy of antiquity, a process that, in a symbolic way, the patient should experience for a renewal and vitalization of her unilateral personality, the cause of the neurosis she was suffering from.

Thus, a significant coincidence of physical and psychological phenomena that are acausal connected.

Jung's book on synchronicity
Behind all these phenomena Jung places the archetype or the constellation of an archetype, which, in his view, is a process that engages equally objective manifestations, in the physical world, and subjective ones, in the psychological universe.

Jung writes a book on synchronicity together with Nobel laureate W. Pauli, a book we invite you to read (learn more).

Synchronicity, as an explicative theory, applies to phenomena from the area of parapsychology, prevision and premonition, to I Ching (specific method of consulting the Oracle of Changes), to astrology and many other borderline fields.

It is also present in psychotherapy, as we have already shown. Several psychoanalysts noted certain strange coincidences in which their patients received information about them by extra-sensorial ways, information that was not accessible to the general public.

Had a very meaningful synchronicitous moment today...just proves that I've got it right.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Infinite Possibilities

Interesting weekend. Definitely a study of social interactions on Friday. I went to a singles gathering at a sports bar on that evening. I had been invited by a girlfriend of mine (MAC) & I didn't expect much but I wanted to go out & I enjoyed hanging with MAC, so much in common, that I thought it would be kinda fun. It was kinda fun. I was struck however at how sad some of the folk were who came--not all though, which gives me hope for future gatherings. The men were the paunchy, balding type that I've described in the past--no vibrancy, no excitement...I felt badly for them as I felt the desperation roll off of them in palpable waves--eeewww. A lot of them have never been married & seem to recirculate from singles group to singles group--I must admit that I think I'd do better with the online stuff compared to these sad sacks...I felt badly. I was with MAC & another woman that I knew from waaaaay back. Both are also very vibrant & engaging women & we all knew there was nothing there for us...

But, what was interesting was that I was able to observe the one woman from waaay back meet an online guy for the first time--a new perspective. She met this guy at the bar after not even seeing his picture--a ballsy move on her part for sure--something I'd never do. I avoid guys who don't provide a picture & always seem to say the following, "Trust me babe, you won't be sorry..." And of course, she was sorry. Turns out MAC & I spent more time on her date than she did. He was nice enough but so not in her sphere of interest--round, bald, & had a huge glittering cross hanging from a chain. Not that being another religion is a deal-breaker, just not the huge, glittering cross kind....he had nice eyes though & he bought all three of us drinks. My girlfriend left us with him while she went to observe the rest of the group play pool. Left him high & dry at the bar--we chatted with him briefly but we weren't responsible for her failed date so we relocated to another part of the bar where at least some of the patrons had possibilities. I guess he got the message cuz soon he walked over to us & told us, "See you, nice meeting you," & left. My friend returned & then got a text from him, "Too bad it didn't work, but your friend MAC is hot, can I have her number?" Can't blame a guy for trying I suppose. I think I would've handled it a bit differently--I think I'd have told him that it was nice meeting him but I didn't see a connection--I wouldn't leave him like that--

The rest of the evening was spent flirting with guys--we seemed to attract a lot of guys wearing hats--my girlfriend dubbed them "Hatmandus"--we just couldn't figure it out. Dude with the red knit NY Yankees hat just about was the end of us...he was Hatmandu #2. He waved his drink at me & kept walking by me--I avoided eye contact as much as possible & willed him NOT to come over. Instead I got the original "Hatmandu", an older barfly guy asking me "hat on, or hat off? hat on or hat off?" in my face. I was seriously hoping he was referring to a knit cap he was waving around & not something like a condom or being circumsized.... Like I said--interesting night for social interactions. But just having a girls' night was fun & I look forward to doing it again.

It is the future of possibility that I am thinking about right now. I was out doing mundane grocery shopping this morning when I received a text message from Xing Fu. It read, "I hope our freckles align." That took my breath away & my heart was racing again.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

It Must Be In The Air

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes

Are mirror images and

When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate

That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces From the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch

But it's thoughts like this

That catch my troubled head

When you're away, when I am missing you to death
--Iron & Wine Such Great Heights

Feeling a bit melancholic recently & looking around the blogosphere it appears others are as well...go figure.

Anyhow, I posted this song for a couple of reasons:

About the time that my ex-husband & I separated the movie Garden State came out--one of my favorites. Even though I was suffering a major loss in my life & a failed marriage, I loved the picture this song painted, and paints. It gave me hope that I could find a love where I felt that close to someone that we reflect each other. I still feel that way. The kind where you're of a like-mind, or you finish each other's thoughts...I saw a show a couple of days ago on MPT called This Emotional Life. One segment focused on long-term relationships. One thing said that struck me was about how successful couples do things together--share interests, & participate in uncommon activities together--biking tour or skydiving, whatever. My folks are like that--they've been together for 30+ years. And actually theirs is a second marriage. My dad is really my stepfather but he really is my dad so I call him that. But that's not my point--what it is is that it gives me hope--that I'll find my "corresponding puzzle piece".

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year, New Decade, New....

Maybe it was the blue moon on NYE but I have a great feeling about 2010. I really feel optimistic. There's a lot of possibilities swirling around right now & it seems like all of the signs are pointing to awesome outcomes--those intense feelings are feeling right...And even the small things like finding a striking cranberry velvet jacket 1/2 price yesterday & today finding cute cranberry patent leather mary janes to go with it, also on sale. (yeah, I love a good shopping excursion...) Just feeling like everything will come together for me this year. In fact, I think the universe is listening and I am grateful for all the good that has already come my way.

**An update from my last post: 2 of my friends felt that they needed to say something about the parking--one told me that parking behind me was a sign of feeling comfortable with me. OK, I'll agree that makes sense; very comfortable. The other, who parks right out front, said that he was "most definitely making a statement." Of course I loved that response. Since they each knew that I was referring to them (but I could've been talking about others....), they are good sports. It is nice that they don't mind that I write about events that happen to us, I sometimes wonder about that...

But, Happy New Year & New Decade--it's gonna be a good one!