I am so predictable. Of course I would post about Valentine's Day this year. Last year I escaped to the Princess Room because I knew that my Valentine's Day with the Bull would be a bust. I was so right about that. This year was the complete opposite...I made a great dessert which was very appreciated on many levels & I spent it with my uncommon & exciting BF who seems to make me sing whenever he is over...I am a lucky chickie--I say this a lot, I know. But it is what I feel & reflecting on past Valentine's Days brings up the feelings of gratitude I have for the Universe....
Valentine's Day when you are single can really suck! As I've indicated, the last few years I've escaped to Florida to visit my folks during VD weekend because the thought of being at home without anyone was just so depressing. In fact, I've noticed that a few folks on Facebook have had similar sentiments. What concerns me is the depth of some of the pain they've put out there. Even in the height of my anti-Valentine's Day sentiments, I never hit rock bottom or held out that a lost love would come back, or advertise a horrid break-up (other than on this blog--but I don't think anyone could accuse me of being deeply depressed as a result). I don't know their full story of course but I hope that they're getting some therapy....We single gals always talk about how sucky VD is when there's no one & of course Sex & The City talks about it as well as the new Valentine's Day movie, which I saw on Friday--cute fluff but predictable of course. My point to all this is: yeah, I know I am blessed with a great guy now, but I wasn't always, & so I am truly grateful for what has come my way. All of my friends say that I deserved to be happy & I am--almost deliriously so, but been there, done that & I appreciate what others are going through now. It will get better! Positive attitude speaks volumes--that's what I think I had going for me all of the time--that I never gave up hope & always looked to the future.
It's been over a month now & things are great between us & continue that way...mush & all. As time passes, we need to find a rhythm to our relationship & that ain't easy! Between our kids' schedules & our schedules, & work....finding time. (I remember some dude I had a first & only date with last spring telling me that I was too busy to have a relationship--I think I told him that if I like someone I'll make the time. I didn't make anymore time for him.) Since I have my kid 100% of the time, I imagine that asking my friends for favors wears thin occasionally, I'm sure. I owe my BFF(J) big time for last week's snow storm--case in point. I think my son even has a toothbrush over there--his second home. Next week he goes with his granddad so I'll have a fairly free weekend--but the shuffling continues--good thing he has a lot friends--he is often spending the night at someone's house, which certainly makes it easier to coordinate then. But it is a juggling game constantly.
We try to see each other a few times during the week, and it is usually later because of all of the activities--a few hours here or there...patience is the key. I always look forward to longer times together but right now they are few--that's what I mean about establishing a rhythm--seeing how the pattern of our separate lives looks & then trying to find the merge--it's still pretty new so it can be a bit difficult. I know there are a lot of things we want to do together--like going to a wine tasting or skiing, the beach, or maybe going to a museum but so far we just haven't been able to coordinate those things yet--perhaps these crazy blizzards have had an impact--they seem to hit us at the most inconvenient times....
So we keep plugging at it & so far I've been satisfied that we are maximizing our ability to spend time together--the phone call this morning was a very welcome surprise--just knowing he's thinking of me makes me feel warm & happy. Of course the roses on Thursday night added to that overall wonderful feeling as well....
Any test to a new relationship is the time that you first spend an entire weekend together. That usually doesn't happen too quickly & Xing Fu & I haven't been seeing each other that long so this Blizzard of 2010 was a true test. We were both a bit worried but didn't say anything. The storm was imminent and he was heading to my place. We wanted to see each other over the weekend but were definitely concerned about the snow--he had numerous projects to tackle at his place & I had my dog who couldn't be left at my place obviously, so being snowed-in was a concern. (My kid spent the blizzard at his best friend's house--he was much happier there then being stuck with his mom--that 'tween stuff--moms just ain't so cool).
So what to do? I didn't want him to get stuck at my place because I'd feel horrible if he didn't get his projects completed, but could I suggest that I bring my dog to his place & help him? That was a huge imposition one, and two, that assumed he'd be ok with it. Also--as my friend CFW stated, "there's another test of a relationship--the home project test." Soooo...a lot riding on this snow storm...would it make or break us?
Anyhow, the dog came with me to his place. And then the snow, snow, snow, snow. On Saturday afternoon, we both looked at each other with relief & said that we'd been a bit worried about being stuck together for this long, that the projects wouldn't get done or that we wouldn't work well together, & that the dog would shed everywhere or be a bad houseguest. Again the Karma gods smiled on us--not only was the dog perfectly behaved, but we had a blast, and accomplished everything we set out to do. If anything, it confirmed what we've been thinking all along--that this feels right and we are moving steadily in the right direction.
When I got home on Sunday afternoon my snow service hadn't removed the snow so Xing Fu & I tackled my front walk. He is so concerned about my surgery & how I haven't been cleared by the doc--wanting me to be careful--but so far so good--I just don't expect the guy to do all the work--I need to pitch in too.
Later, we joined my son at BFF(J)'s house to watch the Super Bowl. Yea Saints!!! Again, I was very happy to see how at ease he was with my friends--another test of a sort. The Karmic gods continue to smile & my smile is even larger.
This Blizzard will be one for the record books...mine too.
See you in your dreams
See you in your dreams
Looking your way,
Holding you close.
I gaze into your eyes,
Touching your soul.
--See You In Your Dreams--TR3 (Tim Reynolds)
"
Bashert, (באַשערט,
also transliterated besherte, beshert or besherter) is a Yiddish word that means "destiny". It is often used in the context of one's divine soulmate, and thus has romantic overtones."
Is it? It sure feels that way...
Received an email this morning saying:
"Wanted to call you last night. Meant to call you last night. Did not call you last night. Have no idea why not. I'm beating myself up over it now."
I had felt the same way--my response was to cut & paste the same thing & then add: "great minds think alike."
Is this my "corresponding puzzle piece"? And could I be anymore sappy? But it would seem that the universe has answered me--set me up for this--cleared the way & prepared me--after the Bull I think I absolutely appreciate what has come my way & I'm very happy that I didn't tempt Karma either.
Recently I've been reading a few articles posted on Slate (http://www.slate.com/id/2243179/) & Atlantic Marry Him! - The Atlantic (March 2008) that discuss "settling" when you're in your 40's & single. Frankly I'm glad I haven't...I do believe that things happen for a reason & throughout this blog I have insisted that I won't settle & I haven't! The articles angered me a bit actually. Why should anyone take the guy that they don't want because they feel that there's no one else out there...that just sucks in my humble opinion.
Very informal poll taken at work yesterday. Decided to try to figure out another name for boyfriend. Afterall, when you're in your 40s having a "boyfriend" just seems rather puerile. Soooo, I asked my co-workers for their opinions. And this is what I got:
"He's your Boo." Hmmmm....boo? Um, no.
"Your complication." OK, well, complicated is certainly true so that could work. This came from my co-worker who explained that in her relationship she needed a 12-step extrication program. My complication ain't that complicated....
Another co-worker said that when she was a kid, she & her sister would answer the phone & when the caller asked for their mom they'd say that "she was in a business meeting." Having sex=business meeting...
Of course the ubiquitous, "that's my Lover." Always with the emphasis as "lovah" circa a 1970s porn flick. And it connotes a sleezy kind of connection--not an honest relationship...
This isn't going too well...
"my guy"
"squeeze"
"close friend"
"significant other"
"sweetheart"
"partner" Most people felt that was used in the Gay community & meant that I was a lesbian...
So far, not what I wanted. Why are we so short on appropriate replacement words for 'boyfriend'?
Most people were of the opinion that the best one was "this is my man." Problem is: I don't like it.
The ones I did like were "my boy-toy"--I like it because it is so obviously a joke that it just eases everyone & diverts away from the awkward use of boyfriend at my age.
And: "sparring partner"--reference to TKD.
Finally: BF. That works cuz it implies boyfriend without actually saying it. Plus it works on Facebook, Twitter, texting, emailing.....all "the portals" as said in He's Just Not That Into You.
But none of them are 100% right--of course my kid always says "My mom's new boyfriend is coming over later" to his friends so it is a natural label in his mind. I hope he wouldn't say "boy-toy".
So Boyfriend, Please! it is.
Well, maybe not jettisoned but certainly changed.
I decided that I no longer wanted to be involved with my guys beyond a friendship--
I made that decision last week even before Xing Fu & I actually discussed it--I just don't want to be involved with them in that way anymore. I just knew.
So how do I let these guys down? It was a little dicey for me--I really liked all of them & didn't want to lose their friendships but was prepared if I did.
I must admit that it's nice to have a few to tell as opposed to none to tell...nice for the ego to be honest.
Overall they were all very cool with it--still wanting to "hang out" & be friends--for this I am glad because I enjoy my friendships with them & certainly didn't want them to end--just become a different incarnation. Seamus seemed very happy for me--I have a bit of a bittersweet feeling with him but I know we'll still be close friends--just the way we are. SM also was cool--& he did know something was up last week at wine tasting..he also felt that it had been unfair to expect me to continue to wait for him. So as I said, very cool guys--and they're still my friends--I have to say I'm grateful for their continued friendships as over the past months as they certainly have enhanced my life.
My feet still haven't touched down....
