Last Post of the Year

Been quite a year for me--an incredible one.  I wrote last year how I thought that 2010 was going to be a big one--I was right.  So here's to the end of a great year for me, & my kid & on to another forward-thinking & moving year.  A top ten of 2010 in no particular order:

1. My son's Bar Mitzvah
2. Great sailing & racing on the Chesapeake
3. Making some incredible new friends
4. Seeing Spoon twice
5. Seeing great music
6. Wine tasting with the BFFs
7. Raven's game
8. Much more laughter than tears
9. January 2010
10. Xing Fu

There are many more events, people, examples, etc., but yes, an incredible year and mostly a positive one--lucky me.  

Resolutions?  Continue working to become a better mom, friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, aunt; a better me.   And looking forward to a great 2011!  

Happy New Year to all!

 

Empty Bed Blues

Now, when my bed gets empty
I get to feelin' kind of mean and blue.
When my bed gets empty,
get to feelin' awful mean and blue.
The springs are gettin' rusty
sleepin' single like I do.
--Bessie Smith   Empty Bed Blues 

After about 5 days straight of being with each other, I now have been experiencing the empty bed blues.  Which sucks.  I wonder sometimes if I have separation anxiety--of course that diagnosis in the DSM IV is reserved for children--there is new research on the adult--I just don't deal well with separation..recollections of last summer for example.   I'm doing fine now--last night just sucked--most probably because I was worried since it was close to 10:30 PM & didn't know if Xing Fu had arrived at his destination OK.  I told him that other folk may not give a shit whether or not he arrived safely but since I cared about him, it would've been preferable to actually let me know.  Is that asking too much??  I don't think so...Intellectually I know that sometimes my feelings can be irrational, but they're there, ready to taunt me.  I think it is tougher at night--hence the EBB, & I know he'll be back, but I'm just uncomfortable is all.  

“What’s empty bed syndrome?” I asked curiously, pretty sure that I knew, but wanting to clarify because Anne was constantly coining new phrases.

“It’s how sometimes all you want is a warm body to cuddle with, especially when you’re used to having one—and when you don’t you really miss it, you know?” she replied.  (from Elle Magazine)

I really miss it. 

But earlier this week we passed another relationship test--we purchased something together for my house--a real sense of permanence--nice.  And New Year's Eve will be spent together--also wonderful.  But I still miss him even if he'll be back tomorrow.

Table Squared

"The Moon continues in Leo, creating a warm and friendly holiday glow. Parties and other social gatherings should be fun and entertaining as Leo lights up the dark nights of winter with a solar flare. Romance and good times are abundant now, so stay alert for opportunities."

--Cancer horoscope 

This is becoming a recurring posting of my horoscope on the 23rd of December & so is our lunch becoming a tradition--in fact we've decided it.  We met for lunch at the same place we did last year right before the holiday break. And there was certainly a glow.  We walked in & the hostess brought us to the exact same table as last year.  Xing Fu asked me if I'd called ahead to reserve the table--I hadn't.  Just further proof that it was all meant to be.  He said that they need a sign to put over the table, "Ours".  Just gotta smile at that.

Xing Fu also brought the little happiness symbol that I gave him--so romantic that he remembered it & brought it--such a great guy!  We commented that last year we were in a far different place than now.  We have moved into the "mature" relationship phase of things.  Last year our conversation (what I remember of it & it ain't much) revolved around more of a discovery of one another as friends & now we talked about the logistics of the upcoming break & what we'd be doing together--a party, geocaching, fixing stuff around the house--the mundane.  Maybe not as exciting, but certainly wonderfully comfortable, if not rather domestic.  Actually, it was very nice & the conversation did turn to the romantic by the end of lunch.  What a difference a year makes.  It has been a very quick year to be sure.  And I am quite happy to be where we are.

Reflections

I think I've mentioned in the past how this time of year I tend to get kinda reflective.  It seems like in the past events seem to occur this time of year & this one is no different.  Yeah, it's girly-girl of me but I can't help myself.  I start looking at old emails, old blog posts, & generally become slightly pensive--not in a bad way, just thoughtful.  

This time last year I was decidedly single & lamenting kissing all those frogs--I am in such a different place now & it all happened rather quickly.  I went from talking about my "circlers" to being in a very serious & committed relationship in about a month's time.  I'm truly liking where I am now--and I like my frog prince too.  


We met for lunch last year & I had given Xing Fu a little gift for the holidays--it is actually his namesake on this blog.  I used to have the Chinese symbol for "happiness"  hanging from my rear view mirror on my car--a little jade/glass number & when I pulled up to meet Xing Fu for lunch I saw it & thought that he really needed a good dose of happiness in his life because it was looking pretty bleak for him at that time.  We'd been friends for a while, having met sailing the previous April, & I never like seeing any of my friends in distress.  (Incidentally, one of my Asian friends told me I should never give away my happiness--I am somewhat superstitious & have since replaced the symbol in my car.)  So I pulled it off my mirror & gave it to him, never realizing that I would become part of his future of happiness, & mine as well.  

 And so it goes--I'll say it again, I am a mushy female & so we are meeting for lunch tomorrow to commemorate (?).  This time I hope to actually remember what I ate.

Party Time

I went to a great party with my sailing friends yesterday--had a super time but had to go it alone.  That isn't necessarily a problem, in fact there are two sides to the alone vs. the coupled party.  First I needed to get through all of the questions:  "Where's Xing Fu?"  That took about the first half hour of the party--explaining to all why he wasn't there.  Not a bad thing--this was actually the second party I've been to without him and with our sailing friends.  And even though I'd have preferred him to be there with me, I think there were some advantages to being there alone.  So a little comparison:


With Xing Fu, we'd have been there as a couple & probably interacted more like that with everyone else & certainly we'd have been more into one another.  That is very nice of course, but I think one on one conversations would've been far less & the real stories may not have made it to my ears.  Also the physical interplay with others would've most definitely been less.  You know, the touchy-feely guys, seeing Xing Fu with me would equal no touchie.  And yeah, some of it is ok, but as people get stupider drunk, then of course the inhibitions lessen.  I did very little drinking & mostly stuck to water because I had to drive back up to Baltimore.  I think if Xing Fu was there, I probably would've indulged more.  So score for having him there--both being able to have less attention paid to my physical person & that I may have imbibed a bit more & been fine.  Plus the comfort of his presence & not having to walk around for the first half hour answering questions.  

Without him was also very interesting--I learned a lot about stuff (drama stories--always fun).  Got to meet a ton of folk & had intimate conversations that probably wouldn't have happened.  In fact, may have found a great guy to do my hair who happens to live up here in Baltimore.  As I said before--much more of a hands-on evening--and of course the last folk left at the end of a very late night were the sailors.  Again, I think being alone allowed some people there to be more relaxed with me & I enjoyed that quite a bit.  So which do I prefer?  Ultimately I like to share the party experience with Xing Fu but it was fine without him too.  Good that I enjoy both ways.  Even better was seeing everyone--spent so much time with them over the summer--I miss them since we aren't spending most of our Wednesdays & weekends together anymore.  Love you guys!!!

Playlist

 I have often posted song lyrics on this blog & thought that perhaps a comprehensive list of all of the songs was in order.  Most of the songs have significance with regard to what was happening at the time so it's kinda cool to look back at them.  Plus I happen to think they're damn good songs.  Alphabetical:

Always Love--Nada Surf
Backwards Down The Number Line--Phish
Bittersweet--Big Head Todd & The Monsters
Brighter Than Sunshine--Aqualung
Call On Me--Janis Joplin
Chasing Cars--Snow Patrol
Chasing Pirates--Norah Jones
Finer Feelings--Spoon
The Ghost of You Lingers--Spoon
Hold You in My Arms--Ray LaMontagne
Just Say Yes--Snow Patrol
Let Go--Frou Frou
The Lime Tree--Trevor Hall
Lovers Are Losing--Keane
Maybe I'm Amazed--Paul McCartney
No One Said It Would Be Easy--Cloud Cult
On The Road To Find Out--Cat Stevens
One Day--Sharon Van Etten
Origin of Love--Hedwig & the Angry Inch
Praying Mantis--Don Dixon
Pure--The Lightning Seeds
See You In Your Dreams--TR3
She Ain't Me--Carrie Rodriguez
Short & Sweet--David Gilmour
Sidedish Friend--Rachael Yamagata
Silver Lining--Rilo Kiley
Sleeping Angel--Stevie Nicks
Somewhere Only We Know--Keane
Stacy's Mom--Fountains of Wayne
Such Great Heights--Iron & Wine
Sweet Mistakes--Ellis Paul
Synchronicity I--The Police
Turn & Run--Neil Finn
The Underdog--Spoon
Waiting For My Life To Begin--Colin Hay
Weather To Fly--Elbow
Wicked Little Town--Ben Jelen
Wicked Little Town (Tommy Gnosis Version)--Hedwig & The Angry Inch
You & Me--Dave Matthews Band


ENJOY!!

Schadenfreude

You know what it is, right?  Deriving pleasure from others' misfortunes.  Everyone has it on occasion.  So I did a little experiment.  Earlier I wrote a post about the biggest break-up days of the year--supposedly December 3rd-6th--ring a bell?   I have been thinking recently that my readership has been suffering--yeah, who the hell wants to read about a woman in a happy relationship?  Y'all want the not so nice stuff--the ugly, seamy underbelly of online dating.  My hypothesis was that if I used a very provocative title, all of my supposed followers would come out of hiding to read my blog again.  Anyhow, the title I used was Break-Up Days--

And wouldn't you know, my hits exploded over the next few days!   I'm guessing that most of you out there thought, erroneously of course, that Xing Fu & I had called it quits.  So there it is!  Proof that people love a little schadenfreude & that my happiness does not make for good blog fodder as now my readership is down.  

 So I put this question out into the blogosphere--Is it true that a blog is more interesting when the writer is not happy or at least not contented? 

Love Is A Deeper Season

yes is a pleasant country...

yes is a pleasant country: 
if's wintry
(my lovely)
let's open the year

both is the very weather
(not either)
my treasure,
when violets appear

love is a deeper season
than reason;
my sweet one
(and april's where we're)

--e.e. cummings

I love this poem & have for quite some time.  For whatever reason, the imagery & words just lend themselves to unconditional & soulful love.  What more can a person ask for?  I am especially moved by the line, "love is a deeper season than reason;".  

Another great weekend for the books--we went to see a play at the Fell's Point Corner Theatre--a piece of fluff but fun nonetheless.  And of course since it wasn't a movie, it doesn't count against our ban against the dinner & a movie for a year date,  We did go to Paper Moon for dinner though...and we did watch something.....

On Sunday we both had a lot of work to do so we set up our computers in the dining room & started at it--but even though we spent a good portion of the day quietly doing our own thing, there was a sense of togetherness which was very nice--as we keep moving toward that year mark, I've found that we don't always feel the need to be doing something 24-7 when we're together--it is nice just to be together--maybe in some ways that is "the deeper season."  It was a companionship that was comforting & easy.  Like it is right now, me sitting here blogging & Xing Fu sitting next to me reading.  No words but a sense of souls touching regardless.   I am enjoying this--my mother says that Xing Fu settles me--that I am less edgy; I think that may be true.  It has been a good month for us--and my co-worker always knows when I get an email from Xing Fu--she says I get that glow--it's nice to know how easy it is to continue to feel that way, even as the year-mark gets closer.  

Break-Up Days

 

Ever wonder why there seems to be an uptick in being dumped before the Christmas season?  Apparently, and now according to Facebook, it happens a lot.  And December 3rd-6th seem to be the peak days--so watch out!  The reasons I've found out seem fairly obvious.  You should break up early enough in December so you don't have to buy the other person a gift (of course, if you're Jewish & Hanukkah is early, then you're kinda stuck...).  Or be thrown into the middle of a bunch of holiday parties with someone you're not enjoying--and then perhaps go to parties alone & meet someone new.  It also makes sense to break up early enough in December because you have time to find a new date to the holiday parties.  Of course, the flip side is that if you break up then you have no date to kiss under the mistletoe. 

How about your soon to be ex's family events?  If you break up early enough in December then you are saved from having to mix it up with Uncle Mervin, who always seems to have something caught in his teeth.  

And of course, breaking up too close to Christmas is just too rude.  So if you've waited that long, now you're stuck through the New Year's midnight kiss.  Because it's just as rude to break up at the New Year too.  

So it makes sense that there'd be a spike in early December because lord knows if you wanna break up with someone & you have to wait until New Year's, you just may have to wait until the spring--who wants an empty bed through the long, cold winter months?  And then there's Valentine's Day...

Somewhere Only We Know

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

--Keane 


I have loved this song since I first heard it--it is a hauntingly beautiful song--not sure the message is necessarily an optimistic one--but just the same--the idea of going "somewhere only we know" makes it intimate & private--I like that vision.  I also love the "fallen tree" image--part of the place that only we know.  And sometimes, after the busy of the week & even some weekends, I want a "somewhere only we know."