Boxing Day

This weekend was all about finishing my house.  The general contractor is getting closer to the finish line & Xing Fu & I took Friday off to spend the weekend getting to my finish line--de-clutter, dump, & purge all of the 11 years of stuff accumulated.  The house looks nothing like it did about a month ago & it really is looking like a house that is ready to be listed for sale--which kinda blows my mind.  The end is in sight--we're on the home stretch & now this house thing feels more like a reality instead of a pipe dream--I think it really hit me when my BFF(A) came down to inspect the changes yesterday.  

We'd gone down into my wine cellar to look at all of my boxes--Xing Fu & I spent a lot of time boxing up all of my wine--well, only about half thus far--12 boxes & about 100 more bottles to go.  As BFF(A) & I looked around the cellar--the wine racks stacked & empty & all of the boxes neatly labelled with what was inside (PN=Pinot Noir, CdR=Cotes de Rhone, e.g.), & she said, "I can't believe that you're going to leave."  It's true--I've lived down the street & her family was one of the first we met in the neighborhood.  Our sons have gone to the same schools together since kindergarten & only pursued their own pathways this year by going to different private schools. We've spent so many summers having impromptu barbeques & crab feasts & driven our kids back & forth to dances.  It is going to be so strange not to be in the same neighborhood anymore. Same kinda feeling for BFF(J) too.  Her hubby remarked that it would be different when we move because our boys won't be 5 minutes from each other anymore--15 minutes to be exact.  Just dropping my son off at their house will take a little more planning now--I truly hope that it will not change things too much. On one hand, I am excited for the future & my life together with Xing Fu but on the other, I'm scared that my friendships (& my son's) with my BFFs will change significantly as well--will wine tasting Saturdays be as easy as they are now when I move? 

Couple Friends

Earlier today I came across a little snippet of an article about the importance of having couple friends. So I did a little research because as it was, my BFF(J) was over last night & actually mentioned something like having couple friends.  In fact, her insight was pretty much spot-on.  She said that having good couple friends helped her with her own relationship.  She mentioned BFF(A)'s marriage in particular.  But she also said that watching Xing Fu & I navigate a second relationship also teaches her about interaction with her own spouse.  She says that she observes other couple' interactions (positive & negative) & is able to see other ways of handling her own relationship.  And, based on my research, that is exactly what the "experts" recommend.  According to a USA Today article by Sharon Jayson, the experts Geoffrey Greif & Kathy Deal (both from U of MD Baltimore) say the following: 
 "Being close with another couple and watching how they manage their ups and downs is a role model for how you can manage your ups and downs," Greif says.

And, it can enhance your relationship with your partner, Deal says. "Some couples said, 'When I see my husband or wife with other people, it really makes me appreciate them in a different way. I see how charming or thoughtful they are or what a sparkling conversationalist they are.' It makes them feel very positive about their partner," she says."

I agree too--in fact, well before there was a relationship with Xing Fu, I talked to BFF(A) about her marriage & how she navigated the rough spots quite a lot.  I think I've learned a lot from her as well as from BFF(J).  It is a good thing that we do enjoy each others' company as much as we do & that Xing Fu fits right in because BFF(J), BFF(A), myself, & their spouses have spent a great deal of time together over the years & it would be a shame if everyone didn't get along.  Case in point, we had a blast with BFF(J) & hubby last weekend when we all went bowling.  It is nice to have those relationships & finding couple friends as I've heard is notoriously difficult.  So raise a glass to your close couple friends because they will help you with your own relationship (and watch how they do cheers).  

Just Amazing!

"Inspiration Award"
"You express your joy & enthusiasm for our school & Taekwondo every time you walk through the doors of this school. Your positive attitude is infectious. Thank you for making all of our days brighter."
--given to me at the test--

Today was just amazing! I am riding a wave that hasn't crashed quite yet--or at least the adrenaline is still coursing through me. After all my worry & stress, my black belt test was awesome! Everyone did a super job & it really was a great class of testers. The highlight for me was smashing my cinder block on the first attempt--that was...I crashed! Fell asleep writing this post so now I can pick up where I began to snore....

As for the cinder block--executed perfectly. According to one of my teachers, my face was priceless; surprise & then exhilaration when I'd realized I'd done it. My fellow testers were just as exited for me--just a reminder about the great support system at my Taekwondo school.

The day continued to be great--one of my closest girlfriends, CFW came & stayed the entire time, my BFFs, my folks were at the test & of course my son. I couldn't have felt more people in my corner than that!

After the test, my BFFs insisted we celebrate with wine tastings. Ah--such a difficult descision. So I run home, change into something relatively cute--never know who you may run into (certain massage therapists), & meet them. I must have been feeling quite full of myself because at the second tasting, a guy that I also see regularly asked me for my number...go figure!

Next, it was off to the Black Belt dinner in Catonsville. The same place I'd gone with the bull before--just a little different this time--better. I looked around at all the people I spend so much time with & was just filled with the overwhelming sense of what a great community it is. These people are so important in our lives & it so great to be part of it. Our Grandmaster was full of compliments for my son as well as for me--it just felt great.

Off now to get home & get ready to go out to listen to music with my BFFs & their husbands. Crazy, crazy trying to fit it all in, but I was determined. Plus I had a date with a new guy too--points to him for going out with all my BFFs from the jump. Getting ready meant a quick swipe of make-up & out the door. The man appears on time while my son is waiting to be picked up by his grandparents--so introductions there too--yeesh--talk about backasswards! But he is a good sport & we seem to hit it off quite well. It helps that he's pretty cute too--also a former rock musician who actually did quite well for a while. He was the drummer in a couple local bands around here. So the Drummer & I go down to the 8X10 to meet up with my friends & listen the super band: the Radiators. It was a great time, but I keep wondering about the Drummer--he seems into me but very reluctant to express that. No worries I think, dancing's awesome, I'm hanging with my best friends, & all's right with the world because I know there's chemistry--women just know these things.

So rolling forward to 2 AM & we get back to my house: The Drummer finally explained what's up--I am his first date since his divorce! He's a dating virgin. As much as he said he was attracted to me, he was just a wee bit freaked out about being back in the game. I can understand that because I remember vividly my first date after my divorce: the guy kissed me & I immediately burst into tears! Needless to say, I never saw him again..... We are in much different spaces, the Drummer & I. Maybe I'm a bit jaded by all of these adventures in dating because now all the goofiness in meeting all these men & going out with them doesn't phase me as much as it did. There have just been soooooo many frogs. But I like this guy--there seems to be potential if he can get around the newness of the whole dating thing. I need to tone down a little for him so he feels more comfortable if we go out again. I hope we do, but I certainly understand if we don't-- At least he can remember having a great first date because it truly was--he kissed very nicely too.

So I fit it all in & the day was just amazing! Thanks to everyone who is part of my life--you are the ones who make it so!

Happy Father's Day!

A Pause in the Action

Turns out that I won't be sailing this weekend. Actually should spend a little time with my BFFs since we actually haven't hung together for what seems like at least 3 weeks or so. Also have a lot going on in town too--my former mother-in-law is very sick with pancreatic cancer & the chemo has been stopped. She is in Hospice at home so I need to take my son to see her in Bethesda on Saturday because it appears her time is drawing near. I've been trying to prepare my son for the inevitable & he appears to be handling it fairly well but he'll need to see her before she loses the ability to know who everyone is, etc. My biological dad passed from cancer & the end was not pretty. He needs to see her before she looks too sick & scary. I have always had very mixed feelings about my MIL. She has always made excuses for my ex's behaviors & really never supported us when we were married but I've always maintained a cordial relationship with her--even with some fondness for her traditions. She is very British. I can appreciate her love of the Holidays--she used to cook amazing meals--love her Cottage Pie in particular. We've certainly had an interesting relationship through the years--I think she's come to appreciate me quite a bit recently since her new DIL is such a poor excuse. Ah well. At least my son will always remember her with only positives. My ex is flying in next weekend to visit her & he's planning to see our son as well so at least a visitation will happen since my son won't be going back out to Illinois anytime soon if the grandfather continues his 4 pack a day habit.

Another reason to stick around is the fitness test for my Black Belt test. I have to pass this in order to test on June 20th for my second degree. It consists of 150 push-ups, 150 sit-ups, 100 yd dash, a 50 m duck walk, & a 3 mile run. I am a little bit concerned about this--my body may not be able to do this but I guess I gotta try....

And maybe we may be able to squeeze in a little wine tasting too--haven't been in a while. Oh--and perhaps tonight going to see a great band at the 8X10--Papa Grows Funk. I really haven't done much to help my social life recently--except drink like a fish at the Miles. Which, if I recall, wasn't exactly a good way to meet new men when you are acting stupid. Note to self: don't do that again...

All this after TKD class too--maybe I do have a lot to do this weekend after all.

Asking the Universe With Gratitude

It was a good weekend despite the moments of weakness. Actually it was a great weekend now that I think about it. I LOVE my friends! They are the awesomest, most amazing, loving, supportive, & fun--I am truly grateful--I cannot say this enough! Even though I do miss the couple thing it was kinda nice to be back into my routine. Before the sociopath (BS--OMG--I am soooo killing myself here! Glad I can crack myself up) I had a particular pattern of weekend events. Friday nights are TKD--my friends there & then dinner with my girlfriend & my son. She wasn't there this Friday but my son & I went to our favorite Korean place for He De Bop. I realize how nice it is to reconnect with my child--we've been doing that a lot this weekend--he is a great guy & actually dealing with this whole relationship thing may be good for him to see example of how not to act for future knowledge. We even went running together today, discussing his life & his dreams--haven't done that in a while--again, great to reconnect with the most important person in my life.

Saturday mornings again TKD (Yep--we're there a lot) & then later is of course the Saturday Best Friend's Wine Tasting (SBFWT) This week my BFF(J) brought two friends from Harford County with her. She had known them when they all lived and partied in Fell's Point together. Now they are both married with children but were able to sneak away as they said to join us. Now here is where I hope I never have to "sneak away" to do something like hang out with my BFFs. Where maybe being single is a plus--I only have to worry about babysitting at night. That's one reason why I love the both of my BFFs so much. They never forget their girlfriends--ever. They make time for me & for us. They accept me even though I don't have a man to complete the couple thing and invite me to dinners. They don't have to ask permission or sneak away--they are their own people. They are straightforward & tell it like it is which I definitely need right now. I never have to pretend either or be concerned that my quirkiness might be a little, well--quirky. They are easy to be with--no drama. I don't need friends that make being friends with them difficult--you know the type--you have to work to be their friend & there's always toe-squishing or hurt feelings. Plus they are great fun to be with--as if that's the bonus.

There's this unspoken rule that once you are a "single" being invited to dinner parties or other "couple" events is not an option. There is a group of folk from our outer social circle where this definitely holds true. Unless there's a party I'm invited to, I am not invited to a dinner party--except with my BFFs. That sucks because I'd love to be included but it just doesn't happen so I see these folk usually at parties & no other time. And when I do see them it's a lot of them asking about my dating life--almost the whole vicarious living thing. That gets tired kinda fast. Of course they all wanted to know about the sociopath unless they'd met him. Now they'll all wanna know about the break-up & I'll be expected to regale them of that drama--AGAIN. I think I'm done telling the story now--

After the tasting, which created a very tipsy me--I wasn't driving. We all go back to BFF(J)'s house for sushi and---you guessed--more vino! It was fun just being a bunch women enjoying each other & just hanging out. Even better was that I was supposed to drive my son & his friend (BFF(A)'s son) to a dance. It 7:45 & I needed to leave to get the boys but instead my BFF(A)'s husband called & offered to take them & pick them up! Wow! So cool--again allowing the friends to have such important time together. Eventually my BFF(A) & I left to get back to her house for when the boys got back but by that point it was very late & we were all tired anyway.

My friends tell me to ask the universe for what I want--kinda like the whole The Secret thing. So I am asking, but I am also asking with gratitude because of the kind of enduring & deep relationships I have with two of the most amazing women I know.