Almost Three

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

--Such Great Heights,  The Postal Service

Just about three years ago, things began to change dramatically for me.  I received a text while I was shopping for groceries which said, "I hope our freckles align."  I think that may have been the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.  When I read that text, it literally took my breath away.  I remember the moment precisely.  I was walking with my cart toward the frozen aisle at the Shoppers at Greenspring, thinking about how my weekend was quite strange but knew that something may shift soon, so I was already in a heightened state & there it was. I won't ever forget that time--when I'm frustrated or irked with Xing Fu, I remind myself of that text & I'm transported back to that day.  And to this day, some of the most touching, & eloquent things are said to me via written correspondence of some sort.  Even as we edge closer to the three year mark, & as Xing Fu likes to say, "the blush has worn off that rose," there are times that transport me back to when my feet didn't touch the ground & I was a silly, giddy thing.  I'm glad it's still there.

What a Difference

A year makes.  

Last March....was hell right from the beginning.  We received the only real snow of the year that second of March & that was the day I shoveled my entire lot plus my neighbor's because I was just so pissed.  That was the day that at long last my time with the Bull came to an abrupt & needed end.  Looking back on that relationship I can see what not to tolerate.  But because it was my first long-term relationship after my marriage I didn't understand that I deserved to be treated waaaay better.  I get it now...and thanks to the Bull for that--yup, I am thanking him for getting out of the way.  Did he break my heart?  Yesterday Xing Fu asked me this question.  I paused for a while to give it some thought....my answer was that I wasn't sure, perhaps.  I think I truly believed I was in love with him but....even from the start I knew that I never saw a future with the Bull as much as I really wanted to---so I always held a part of me back.  So, in answer, no...not heartbroken--just a bit battered & bruised....

The universe works in funny ways...I sit here happily a year later knowing full well that all of that angst has paved the way for I what I truly believe is right.  And am I holding anything back?  Nope, no way!  The level of respect is front & center...I am treated like gold.  When the Bull claimed last year that he "Got me", all I can say now is "Yeah!  Right! What a raft of...."  Getting me is who's got me now...sometimes a little freaky how close we are; but always wonderful.  Karma.

Blogoversary--Part II

So here it is...one year--wow! A whole raft of shit has occurred since I started this running dialogue of my single life in the married world--and what a roller-coaster ride!

I want to thank Baltimore Diary for helping me out with so much about blogging--he is a gem among the rocks.

Yesterday I re-posted my first entry just to think & compare what has happened. Last year this time I was reeling from my break-up with the Bull--it didn't really look like it based on what I wrote but I walked around for a few weeks in an absolute daze--in retrospect I wish in some ways we'd stayed broken up--he turned out to be such a scumbag. But, I learned from the experience & many aspects of our time together were amazing...most of y'all reading this can prolly figure out which...

A lot of time on this blog was spent on him & it has helped me finally work through it & I can honestly say that I'm free from him now. I did love that scumbag though--sigh. There will always be a little soft place for the Bull but he has ultimately helped me figure out what I do & don't want in a potential mate.

It has been a ride for sure--from all my sailing adventures to my amazing trip to Amsterdam--what a year! I am grateful for it all--all the new & great folk I've met along the way that I count among my friends now & my nearest & dearest friends that have been there through all the pain & joy, sometimes holding me up & sometimes celebrating with me. I am a lucky gal!

It has also been quite amusing to see the dating blunders I've written about--I think ultimately when I do find the right one it will be fun to go back & revisit it all from time to time just to appreciate the journey.

Overall I am happy with what I've experienced--a lot I would never have lived through if I were still married--it has been quite the adventure & I'm looking forward to many more along the way--

I hope everyone has enjoyed what I've written--all 4 of my readers...and get ready for the continued saga....to another interesting year--Huzzah!

Sidedish Friend

Do you want to be my sidedish friend
'Cause I'll miss you if you go for good
Yeah
We can stay together 'til the very end of time

If it's understood that I don't want you hanging out with me
But I want you when I call
And we can stay together separately and we won't be lonely at all

Oh boy
Oh boy
I got to think about that
Oh boy

And do you want to be the one on hold
'Cause you know I'll always come right back
Yeah
We can find a quiet place for both of us to go 

If you always know that I don't want you hanging out with me 
But I want you when I call 
And we can stay together separately and we won't be lonely at all 

Oh boy
Oh boy 
I got to think about that 'cause every time 
(Every time) 
I think I'm all right I think I'll win you over 
I hear you say 
(Hear you say) 

That I don't want you hanging out with me but I want you when I call 
And we can stay together separately and we won't be lonely at all 

I don't want to get too close to you and I don't want you close to me
There's a back door waiting just for you if this isn't what you need 
There’s a back door waiting just for you if this isn't what you need 
Yeah


Rachael Yamagata