A year makes.
Last March....was hell right from the beginning. We received the only real snow of the year that second of March & that was the day I shoveled my entire lot plus my neighbor's because I was just so pissed. That was the day that at long last my time with the Bull came to an abrupt & needed end. Looking back on that relationship I can see what not to tolerate. But because it was my first long-term relationship after my marriage I didn't understand that I deserved to be treated waaaay better. I get it now...and thanks to the Bull for that--yup, I am thanking him for getting out of the way. Did he break my heart? Yesterday Xing Fu asked me this question. I paused for a while to give it some thought....my answer was that I wasn't sure, perhaps. I think I truly believed I was in love with him but....even from the start I knew that I never saw a future with the Bull as much as I really wanted to---so I always held a part of me back. So, in answer, no...not heartbroken--just a bit battered & bruised....
The universe works in funny ways...I sit here happily a year later knowing full well that all of that angst has paved the way for I what I truly believe is right. And am I holding anything back? Nope, no way! The level of respect is front & center...I am treated like gold. When the Bull claimed last year that he "Got me", all I can say now is "Yeah! Right! What a raft of...." Getting me is who's got me now...sometimes a little freaky how close we are; but always wonderful. Karma.
Showing posts with label break-ups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label break-ups. Show all posts
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sunday, March 8, 2009
if he's sleeping with another woman......
"But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up."
"You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."
--Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You
One of my girlfriends took me to see this movie today against her better judgement. The quotes above represent some of the things I identified with when I heard them. The first one because of the future. The second one because that's how I believe things are for the Bull. I wanted to see it because not only had I read the book shortly after my divorce, but I really wanted to see what situations would arise. I did not get upset, I did not cry, although I've done a lot of that this past week, I just realized that what's happened to me is part of the hope. It is a process & I will rise from the ashes again.
My girlfriends have been amazing this week & weekend. Checking up on me, occupying my time, wine tasting of course, allowing me to cry & not saying "I told you so." Although most of them did say that they never trusted him. People may ask why I'd cry with the situation being the way it was. I think I mourn the loss but also I think about how so many lives were affected by this man's reckless approach to being in a relationship(s). I had been receiving texts from him about taking down this blog--but one of the last ones he sent said the following: "So now you've won." How have I won? Against everyone's advice to have no contact with him, I sent the answer & what I truly believe: "We all lost....."
"You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are."
--Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You
One of my girlfriends took me to see this movie today against her better judgement. The quotes above represent some of the things I identified with when I heard them. The first one because of the future. The second one because that's how I believe things are for the Bull. I wanted to see it because not only had I read the book shortly after my divorce, but I really wanted to see what situations would arise. I did not get upset, I did not cry, although I've done a lot of that this past week, I just realized that what's happened to me is part of the hope. It is a process & I will rise from the ashes again.
My girlfriends have been amazing this week & weekend. Checking up on me, occupying my time, wine tasting of course, allowing me to cry & not saying "I told you so." Although most of them did say that they never trusted him. People may ask why I'd cry with the situation being the way it was. I think I mourn the loss but also I think about how so many lives were affected by this man's reckless approach to being in a relationship(s). I had been receiving texts from him about taking down this blog--but one of the last ones he sent said the following: "So now you've won." How have I won? Against everyone's advice to have no contact with him, I sent the answer & what I truly believe: "We all lost....."
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