It's here. What we've been planning for about a year. I am sitting in my house for the last time listening to the packers from Von Paris packing my kitchen. We've put a serious dent in what they need to pack (to cut down on cost) but the kitchen in my opinion, was the hardest to do, so I left it to them. How strange to be at this point--last night saying things like, "this is the last supper we'll have together in this house", or "the last time we shower in this house", or "sleep here". Here's where nostalgia kicks in--so many years, so many memories: laughter, tears, heartache, joy--this house has watched my son grow into a young man, watched the 50 first's come & go, and then watched my relationship with Xing Fu grow right out of this space. My wish for the young couple who are buying this house is that it protects them as well as it did us & that they begin their lives in a house that has kept us safe for 11 years, filling it with their happy, family noises.
I look around at all of the memories stacked about & sniff a little--Xing Fu said to me this morning, "Are we sure we want to do this?" My response was, "Little late now." But in answer, yes, I want to do this. Yes, there are insecurities about the future (we've both been hurt, burned, etc.), but our outlook is bright--literally sailing off into the sunset together.
Finally, finally the house is done. The photographer came by today & my realtor says that the house looks great & she's not worried at all about selling. It also helps that a house up the street just went under contract--no direct competition now. It has been a long journey to get this house ready & as I looked around when the photographer was snapping pictures, I just couldn't believe the transformation. Wow. But now it is the beginning of another journey--one of people traipsing through my home, poking into closets, & picking apart all the little problems--I just hope that a nice family or a young couple who wants to start a family buys this house & begins to raise their family here like I did mine. This entire process has been bittersweet--this is really the only home my son knows & it's where I've raised him--with his best friends up the street & around the corner--and mine too.
It's bittersweet, more sweet than bitter, bitter than sweet
It's a bitter sweet, surrender
It's bittersweet, more sweet than bitter, bitter than sweet,
It's a bitter sweet, surrender
--Big Head Todd & The Monsters
On the other hand, a new & wonderful journey is beginning with a man & his own family that I couldn't have imagined when I started writing this blog. He is my best friend & it is with him that I want to build my future. It is exciting & scary all at once. I've been on my own in this house for 7 years now...making my own decisions, choosing my own decorative touches, art, etc.,--bittersweet. Now I have to negotiate & compromise--but I want to & that is all the difference.
This weekend was spent with last minute projects around the house--buying rugs, plants, mulch, & a new comforter set for my bed. Xing Fu & my son planted a rhododendron bush & mulched the flower beds in the front of the house while I went shopping for rugs, etc. On Sunday we relaxed, watched NCAA basketball--great SLU v. Michigan State game. Later we watched The Descendents starring George Clooney. I'd seen it earlier & wanted Xing Fu to see it because it reminded me a lot of his situation in some ways. In the course of the movie, Clooney's character rebuilds his relationships with his daughters--one that was quite superficial up until he was forced to become their primary caretaker. The death of the mother really was secondary to the quality relationships he builds with his daughters. I wanted Xing Fu to see that through that loss, Clooney creates a much closer, & interactive connections with his girls--much what I see with Xing Fu & his girls. Good can come from bad. I hope that he sees that. It is also bittersweet.
