Yup, going all German on ya'. Been a difficult month & am definitely feeling what wikipedia defines as : world-pain or
world-weariness. And earlier in the day, just had one of those events that in the grand scheme of things is small, but just sort of tipped me over the edge into weltschmerz. Been on the edge of tears all day for no direct reason (other than a funeral). So those of you engaging in schadenfreude (love those Germans--they have some really great words), gape all y'all want with glee. Yeah, I know in the bigger picture, I'm in good shape--just feeling the pain. Three funerals this month & one of my kitties passed away too. All of the people who have gone were amazing people who made it easier to smile. And they all passed away from cancer--way too early. Soooo...it just sucks.
And the stress from getting the house ready to sell & all of that emotion is taking a toll as well. I see the repairs, the painting, & even ordered kitchen cabinet pulls but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels & just waiting. Like I'm in stasis & not getting any closer to buying a house & moving forward....sigh. I wanna go search for my new house but it's not quite time yet & I'm worried that my house won't sell & we'll be stuck & really unable to move forward.
The tipping point was work this morning. I went in for a half day & never stopped to breathe until I left. But that wasn't the issue--I generally like being busy. It was the whack-job parent who felt it necessary to chew me a new one while the office staff laughed in the background. And I didn't do anything wrong. She accused me wrongly of keeping her from participating in her child's IEP meetings for two years running. Intellectually I know she's crazy & flinging stoopid accusations that have no basis in reality, but in my heart it wounded me because I work very hard to build positive relationships with my parents--it is intimidating for most of them to attend these meetings & I try very hard to make them feel at ease--with humor & empathy. And I think for the most part I succeed, until something like this happens. Just tough to swallow sometimes.
And the final blow & again it is a small one, is that Xing Fu is away on a night that we'd be together. Normally not a huge issue but with everything else swirling around off-kilter, I really needed that island to wash ashore on for the evening. I just miss him.
Yup, this moving thing is stressing me out. I think my house is out to get me. It knows something's up--yeah, giving life to inanimate objects certainly questions my sanity but let me explain. First my heat went up--tried to turn it on the week it was so freakin' cold & sure enough it just clicked--the basement crickets were louder--same thing happened last year too--ARGH!! Frustrating! But that ain't the worst of it. Yesterday I decide to do laundry--not so remarkable to be sure & it definitely needed to be done--the kid had no khakis & the BF no socks sooooo.... Anyhoo, I step outside to talk to my dad as he dropped off the kid & when I go back inside I notice a little water on the floor in front of the washer--& then I look up & notice the gusher that is the washer hose--now backed up & spewing water all over the place! After fixing that part of it, I then follow the huge puddle of water all the way across my laundry room--past the cat box with the litter that was kicked out turning to gray sludge, past the dog food bowl that is now floating away, over to the utility door that is NEVER used & where a virtual lake has formed. I decide to sweep out the extra water through the door, & then clean up the rest, sanitize the tiled floor & call it a night. Sounds easy right? Not so fast! Upon opening said utility door (which by the way may have only been opened once or twice the entire time I've owned this house), the hinges crack & separate from the door jamb & something I didn't notice as I attempt to jam the door back closed, a crack in the door proper. This is an original flimsy wood door from a house built in '57. It just will not close--no matter how hard my kid & I slam our bodies against the damn door--it just will not close! Hence my thoughts that this crazy-ass house is out to get me! After calling Xing Fu to beg him to help me out of this mess, I realize that this house selling operation ain't gonna be cheap. I am sooooo far away from listing this house & we needed to list it last week in today's housing market. Case in point: New steel door (so as to pass house inspection) $1250. GACK! Painting, possible new roof, possible new kitchen cabinets, de-cluttering...AGAIN, etc., etc., etc......the list is getting longer & longer--any volunteers? Please? I'm begging.....yeah, I'm hearing those cellar crickets again...something else I'll need to get rid of...
