Habits

OK--obligatory Valentine's Day post---the love of my life & all that rot!  Funny, when I look back, I was truly, madly, deeply, head over heels.  Perhaps not so giddy 3 years out but I am still truly, madly deeply & that's a very good thing. I came across a little article about good habits to keep married couples strong.  Yeah, Xing Fu & I aren't married but in a lot of ways it feels like we are so I tend towards these kinds of articles. I really liked what this one had to say in particular.  These are really simple things--nothing extraordinary. 

Like not trying to change one another--yeah, I really wish Xing Fu would do some things differently but I fell for him the way he is so why would I want to change him now?  (OK, I admit, I'd like to try sometimes & I have to pinch myself occasionally not to).  

Or saying out loud why you appreciate him---men need to be stroked (get those minds out if the gutter--YEESH!)  Tell him what a great dinner he made the other night--remember the old saying you need 5 positives to 1 negative comment--how locked into the negative nit-picky stuff do most couples get?  Make it a new habit--send an email of appreciation, a text, a squeeze...you get it.  Keep the positive in the relationship--appreciation goes hand in hand with that.

Make sure that you are an ally--don't side with the enemy.  This was a big mistake that I made with my first marriage--I allowed my mother's negative crap get in the way of my relationship with my ex.  I should have looked to someone else to vent about him--not someone who already wanted him out of my life.  I have Xing Fu's back  & he has mine--we can vent about whatever we need to without the other criticizing.  Very important I think.

Don't get too comfortable--some things should just remain a mystery--'nuff said!  Along side of that--don't stop trying--don't get so complacent that you don't date each other anymore--date nights are important!  I never thought that until now--I alays thought it was hokey--it ain't!!

And my favorite:  Reminisce.  Re-visit those giddy days of first love.  Xing Fu & I have a ritual (another habit of strong couples).  Every year we re-watch Hedwig & the Angry Inch.  It was early on in our relationship when I tested him to see how open he was to movies of that ilk & how much he saw the love story as well.  He passed with flying colors & now, right around Valentine's Day or thereabouts, we watch it again.  I am nostalgic by nature so I love this suggestion.  

There are a few more & here is the link for everyone to see it--from MSN: http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/year-of-happiness/slideshow?cp-documentid=254478230#1

Enjoy & Happy Valentine's Day!