It had to happen. I've joined the ranks of cougar. Am I proud of this accomplishment? Not so sure because it admits that I'm older than I think I am. But on the other hand, as Cougar Town has titillated the masses, and become fashionable, here I am poised on the edge of acceptance. One of my other male friends told me that he found a T-shirt for me. Uh-Oh!
Speaking of the devil--I just received a text from my young friend...I spoke of Salad last year I think--he's been after me for quite some time & up until now I've managed to evade him. But I fell in a blaze of peer pressure & my own curiosity...here is what I had to say last January:
I have a friend who's about 19 or 20 years old. I feel like I'm sort of a mentor to him--he's had a few problems figuring out how to be responsible so we talk about stuff. I'll call him Salad. For the past few months he's been coming over every once in a while to hang out a little. So the other day he sends me a text asking about my boyfriend & how things are going with him. I'm a bit puzzled by this because why should he care until he begins asking me questions about whether or not I'd be interested in a "different" kind of relationship with him. At which point I definitely get where he's going with this. I tell him that I'm flattered but why would he be interested in someone so much older than he is. He tells me that I'm cool to hang out with, pretty hot, and he is interested in expanding our friendship beyond just talking....how nice. But again I don't relish the idea of being a Cougar for him. Hmmmm, then again I hear 20 year olds are like the energizer bunny......
Had the strangest dream last night--got me thinking about interpretation, etc. So here goes:
I was somewhere out with my sister & I apparently met two guys. Both seemed interested in me & I ended up talking to one that I knew wasn't right for me. The other one sort of faded into the background of my dream. Time passes--dreams & time are quite nebulous so who the frig knows if days, minutes or seconds had passed....anyway, the one guy apparently turned out to be a jerk or something--again dream vacuum, so I meet up with my sister again, must've been a party or something. Did I mention it took place next to the Chesapeake?--important bit of info for later.
So my sis tells me that Guy #2 told her that if I was ever interested in pursuing something with him he'd be waiting. He told her that he left me a little gold music box & if I went to get it & brought it to him he'd know I was serious. (how fairy-tale!) Turns out he'd put the box on a square dock with no access other than swimming off the shore about 500 yards or so. Apparently I'm game because I tell my sis that I'm off to get the music box. Details are so interesting in dreams--I had to climb over a low barbed-wire fence to get down to the water--there were very lush marsh grasses growing up around the fence & I could see the flowers, bees & insects buzzing around (I guess the setting was the summer...) as I climbed over the wire. I take off my shoes & dive into the water.
The Bay was glistening in the sun, no wind, calm & clear. As I near the platform, I begin to see huge, dark, reddish-brown hulks floating in the water, coming towards me. I can't figure out what they are until I reach the ladder to climb up. A big, beef carcass is floating closer & closer, followed by 100's more. They all begin to bump into one another and then into the platform. I barely scramble up onto the deck before they start floating around, under & surrounding the platform. I call out to my sister onshore that there are these carcasses that are fouling the bay & that she'd better watch out. I see the music box glittering in the sun, pick it up, but have no way to get back to shore....I wake up.
So the week from hell continued...I was having a perfectly lovely day with my BFF(J)--shopping for new make-up at the MAC counter at Nordtrom's & getting a mini makeover together & then onto the McDonogh-Gilman game--where BFF(A) met us. Her son goes to McDonogh and BFF(J)'s goes to Gilman. After the game, which Gilman won, we were off to wine tasting. This time another friend of ours, runner gal came along. Met up with SM too--the fates seemed to be shifting in my favor when all hell broke loose.
First, though, all the friends came back to my house for a little wine & some great cheeses I'd picked up at various places during the week. We were all sitting around my dining room table with a little Truchard 2005 Pinot when I got a pain that made me double over. I thought maybe it was a little gastrointestinal distress--HS game food is never good--but I'd only had a couple fries....
I went in my bedroom to lie down hoping the pain would go away, but it just increased. My friends did the best they could, offered to take me to Sinai Hospital, but I thought it would get better so I waved them off. For a couple of hours it did feel better, then the pain was absolutely excruciating--it burned and I felt like I had the chills as well. By this time it was about 1:30 AM & I was beginning to also get violently ill. That actually helped a bit & for a little while I thought I'd get better--mebbe a stomach virus or something--24 hr. thingy. But then I noticed a huge lump right next to my belly button--2 AM I knew I needed to go to the ER. Called my folks who offered to take me to Sinai (this hospital was obviously the choice du jour...). I knew that I needed to go way sooner than they could get to me & that if I went by ambo I'd be seen quickly instead of writhing in pain in front of a bunch of similarly adorned people.
I call 911 & the paramedics arrive just in time for me to start heaving all kinds of nasty from the depths of my stomach. (Thankfully my son was staying with my folks last night--he didn't need to see his mom in such obvious pain.) They tell me that Sinai is out of beds & chances are I'd need surgery so it was either Northwest Regional or GBMC. The plus about living in Baltimore is the dearth of hospitals--most of them quite good. So hmmm...GBMC it was. It was so quiet there when we arrived, & I was seen right away so I knew I'd made the right choice.
I was admitted pretty much right away & was told that I might need surgery straight away. MIGHT being the operative word...heh. I had a golf-ball size hernia that was making its nasty self known--I don't think I ever felt pain like I did then...but having surgery straight away? If I was going keel over then I'd get it done--I wanted to know my options. My BFF(J) needed to read the CT scan & I really couldn't afford to not go to work--this week will be a critical one! So the only mistake that GBMC made was that they told me that I was getting prepped for a 10 AM surgery. I never had any discussion with the surgeon--so I quickly said, "Nope. No way, not until I get all of the options explained." I must say however, that the folk there were great & the surgeon & I did talk--it wasn't critical that I have the surgery immediately so at least I can plan accordingly--but I must have it soon.
Ever have one of those days? Actually, ever have one of those weeks, months, etc.? It has been an extremely frustrating & stressful time recently. I usually don't use this forum about work-related stuff for a variety of reasons but I'm just feeling so overwhelmed right now that a good vent may be just the thing I need. No Heart attack-ack-acks....just bad-tempered.
I seem to have bitten off more than I can chew--agreeing to chair a new team when I can barely tread water on the the team I was tasked to lead in the first place. Of course I want to do a good job & not do my second team half-assed but because I am so swamped, that's just what's happening...sigh. It sucks massively because I feel like I'm letting a ton of people down & I hate that.
Additionally, I'm supposed to have clerical assistance but that just ain't happening right now. THAT is a major problem as well--the clerical aspect is a job unto itself.
This is the first year where I've felt so stressed & over my head--I don't like it. Most folk don't like the job I do but I do, IEP Chair--I love my school, my team & my location & for the past three years I've thrived. I have felt extremely fortunate to be doing what I'm doing after so many years in the classroom--15 to be exact and a couple years as a principal too.Maybe it's because I have a caseload this year far larger than the previous years or maybe it's because we've been hit with a ton of referrals, & re-evals, or maybe....I just don't know..
Anyway, just came back from an intense taekwondo class & I feel better--energized & refreshed--I got to beat people up & even managed to kick a little ass along the way...tomorrow's a new day & quite possibly a better one...
It was a good day & evening--one of those grateful for what you got kinda times. Started out with the usual TKD class & then my son's demo team practice. From there my BFFs & I dressed up as hippie-chicks. According to my son it wasn't much of a stretch--in fact my sis said the same thing--mebbe they're finally onto something... the three of us embraced the holiday (and also the free gift at one of the wine shops if you dress up...) My BFF(A) had go-go boots that Nancy Sinatra herself couldn't hold a candle to, & my BFF(J) wore tie-dye. I had a long velvet skirt with a peasant blouse & a scarf around my head. I also sported two long braids on either side of my face...My son decided to be a hippie as well--great 'fro with a bandanna around it, sunglasses, a Yellow Submarine tie-dyed t-shirt we bought at The Other Side in Towson, a big peace sign necklace & a tambourine. Can't forget the sandals as well.
Anyway, we planned to go to our favorite wine shops to sample as usual. I hadn't heard from SM so I was little bummed--we hadn't gotten together for our weekly dinner & I wasn't sure about wine-tasting. But finally I get a text in the morning asking me what time I'll get there. I told him & went about my business with my girlfriends. I go pick up my BFF(A) & we go over to the first place--they were sampling a great local vineyard's wines--Black Ankle--highly recommend them--they actually illustrate what Maryland wines can be....try Crumbling Rock in particular. But I digress--on my way to picking her up, I get a text from SM--he's over at the one store waiting for me--was I going to be there soon--he made sure that he was there when I told him I was planning to be there---that was very nice.
Onward to the next one--SM said he wasn't sure he'd be able to make it--his kids were waiting for him for Halloween--I understand completely. But he shows up & we try an amazing Pinot Noir from Acacia Vineyard--Lone Tree Vineyard--2005 Pinot Noir--simply amazing. My BFFs abandon me at the store & I'm left with SM--love my gals--they had it planned so we'd have some alone time together--sweeties!
Later, our boys had a Halloween party where all of the parents hung out--we all had pizza & the boys collected a TON of candy--I need to get rid of some of it--it was just over the top!
Overall it was a great time & not a bull or bear in sight like last year--funny how quickly things have changed...
So here it is...one year--wow! A whole raft of shit has occurred since I started this running dialogue of my single life in the married world--and what a roller-coaster ride!
I want to thank Baltimore Diary for helping me out with so much about blogging--he is a gem among the rocks.
Yesterday I re-posted my first entry just to think & compare what has happened. Last year this time I was reeling from my break-up with the Bull--it didn't really look like it based on what I wrote but I walked around for a few weeks in an absolute daze--in retrospect I wish in some ways we'd stayed broken up--he turned out to be such a scumbag. But, I learned from the experience & many aspects of our time together were amazing...most of y'all reading this can prolly figure out which...
A lot of time on this blog was spent on him & it has helped me finally work through it & I can honestly say that I'm free from him now. I did love that scumbag though--sigh. There will always be a little soft place for the Bull but he has ultimately helped me figure out what I do & don't want in a potential mate.
It has been a ride for sure--from all my sailing adventures to my amazing trip to Amsterdam--what a year! I am grateful for it all--all the new & great folk I've met along the way that I count among my friends now & my nearest & dearest friends that have been there through all the pain & joy, sometimes holding me up & sometimes celebrating with me. I am a lucky gal!
It has also been quite amusing to see the dating blunders I've written about--I think ultimately when I do find the right one it will be fun to go back & revisit it all from time to time just to appreciate the journey.
Overall I am happy with what I've experienced--a lot I would never have lived through if I were still married--it has been quite the adventure & I'm looking forward to many more along the way--
I hope everyone has enjoyed what I've written--all 4 of my readers...and get ready for the continued saga....to another interesting year--Huzzah!
So welcome to my blog--if only for my own cathartic need & if no one reads this, at least I know I have a place to spill my guts. Before I get to my cyber-stalker let me just give a little background on why I started this running dialogue of the trials of modern single-mom dating.
I have been on at least 50 first dates (most probably more) & truth be told it gets mighty frustrating out there. Most of these dates have come from my online antics & for the most part have proven that there are A LOT of men out there. Insert the but.... & you fill in your own blank. Unfortunately those men have been just so wrong--except for a recent one--I'll call him The Bull from Van Ness (TBFVN) (here's where the story title comes in).
We met online this past summer & it was a rather instantaneous attraction--musical tastes, check, sailing, check, hot sex, check, check, check....oops--intelligence, quirky world-view...my list could go on. But as all really great things often go as being too good to be true--so did he--as my boyfriend & rather recently(OUCH). You know the old commitment issue--so I fall prey.
However, he seems to have a bit of a penchant for fucked-up former girlfriends. (I like to think that I was the first relatively normal one) but I digress. I've listened to him have a conversation with one such chickie & it is scary what I found out--something to do with stolen credit cards, cash & a DUI. And after 2 years he still has some of her shit stashed away....do I need to say hmmmmm? Anyway the convo was a bit disturbing: threats that if she doesn't make arrangements to pick the stuff up, he'll tell her son what a fucked-up liar she is, etc. I won't say how he has access to her son's info because that'd be too revealing here, suffice it to say-he most definitely could locate him. Anyway, he seems to have collected a few ones like that, which brings me to the cyber-shit.
One of my friends has a blog that I follow pretty closely--check out the list--there it is. He told me a couple months ago that someone was tracking my posts to his blog. Googling my screen name & following the links. So I asked him if he could find out why, how & from where it originated. He couldn't but would tell me if they came back. Anyway, I then googled my own screen name & lo & behold up pops links to TBFVN. Interesting. Time passes & last week my buddy tells me that the stalker has hit again. This time he found out where it came from--now this is very interesting....the SEC! He says--"are you in trouble with questionable stock dealings?" Laughing, I reply--"no way!" But my little red warning light comes on to tell me that TBFVN must be involved--you know...D.C. & all. Now I know it has to be a woman too--who else would be remotely interested in my connection to the Bull? I'm thinking--how stupid is this chickie! Why would you cyber-stalk someone from your work computer anyway??? As it stands, I immediately call TBFVN & tell him that he needs to let the person know to cut the shit out. I know it's relatively harmless, but I think it's really uncool to pry like that into my life & for that matter, my friend's(not TBFVN)--& to leave a calling card! I may google a new guy & pull up court records for safety reasons but I don't go tracking his connections in cyberspace--that's just not right. In a twisted way--it's nice that someone was so interested in who I was that they felt the need to track me twice, but really! My now ex won't reveal who she is, but he assures me that he took care of it--I wonder--what threats did he make against her?
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