The Snowbound Test

Any test to a new relationship is the time that you first spend an entire weekend together. That usually doesn't happen too quickly & Xing Fu & I haven't been seeing each other that long so this Blizzard of 2010 was a true test. We were both a bit worried but didn't say anything. The storm was imminent and he was heading to my place. We wanted to see each other over the weekend but were definitely concerned about the snow--he had numerous projects to tackle at his place & I had my dog who couldn't be left at my place obviously, so being snowed-in was a concern. (My kid spent the blizzard at his best friend's house--he was much happier there then being stuck with his mom--that 'tween stuff--moms just ain't so cool).

So what to do? I didn't want him to get stuck at my place because I'd feel horrible if he didn't get his projects completed, but could I suggest that I bring my dog to his place & help him? That was a huge imposition one, and two, that assumed he'd be ok with it. Also--as my friend CFW stated, "there's another test of a relationship--the home project test." Soooo...a lot riding on this snow storm...would it make or break us?

Anyhow, the dog came with me to his place. And then the snow, snow, snow, snow. On Saturday afternoon, we both looked at each other with relief & said that we'd been a bit worried about being stuck together for this long, that the projects wouldn't get done or that we wouldn't work well together, & that the dog would shed everywhere or be a bad houseguest. Again the Karma gods smiled on us--not only was the dog perfectly behaved, but we had a blast, and accomplished everything we set out to do. If anything, it confirmed what we've been thinking all along--that this feels right and we are moving steadily in the right direction.

When I got home on Sunday afternoon my snow service hadn't removed the snow so Xing Fu & I tackled my front walk. He is so concerned about my surgery & how I haven't been cleared by the doc--wanting me to be careful--but so far so good--I just don't expect the guy to do all the work--I need to pitch in too.

Later, we joined my son at BFF(J)'s house to watch the Super Bowl. Yea Saints!!! Again, I was very happy to see how at ease he was with my friends--another test of a sort. The Karmic gods continue to smile & my smile is even larger.

This Blizzard will be one for the record books...mine too.

Bashert

See you in your dreams
See you in your dreams
Looking your way,
Holding you close.
I gaze into your eyes,
Touching your soul.

--See You In Your Dreams--TR3 (Tim Reynolds)

"Bashert, (באַשערט, also transliterated besherte, beshert or besherter) is a Yiddish word that means "destiny". It is often used in the context of one's divine soulmate, and thus has romantic overtones."


Is it? It sure feels that way...

Received an email this morning saying:
"Wanted to call you last night. Meant to call you last night. Did not call you last night. Have no idea why not. I'm beating myself up over it now."

I had felt the same way--my response was to cut & paste the same thing & then add: "great minds think alike."

Is this my "corresponding puzzle piece"? And could I be anymore sappy? But it would seem that the universe has answered me--set me up for this--cleared the way & prepared me--after the Bull I think I absolutely appreciate what has come my way & I'm very happy that I didn't tempt Karma either.

Recently I've been reading a few articles posted on Slate (http://www.slate.com/id/2243179/) & Atlantic Marry Him! - The Atlantic (March 2008) that discuss "settling" when you're in your 40's & single. Frankly I'm glad I haven't...I do believe that things happen for a reason & throughout this blog I have insisted that I won't settle & I haven't! The articles angered me a bit actually. Why should anyone take the guy that they don't want because they feel that there's no one else out there...that just sucks in my humble opinion.

Baltimore Magazine - "Don't I Know You?"

Baltimore Magazine - "Don't I Know You?"

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Boyfriend? Please....

Very informal poll taken at work yesterday. Decided to try to figure out another name for boyfriend. Afterall, when you're in your 40s having a "boyfriend" just seems rather puerile. Soooo, I asked my co-workers for their opinions. And this is what I got:

"He's your Boo." Hmmmm....boo? Um, no.

"Your complication." OK, well, complicated is certainly true so that could work. This came from my co-worker who explained that in her relationship she needed a 12-step extrication program. My complication ain't that complicated....

Another co-worker said that when she was a kid, she & her sister would answer the phone & when the caller asked for their mom they'd say that "she was in a business meeting." Having sex=business meeting...

Of course the ubiquitous, "that's my Lover." Always with the emphasis as "lovah" circa a 1970s porn flick. And it connotes a sleezy kind of connection--not an honest relationship...

This isn't going too well...

"my guy"
"squeeze"
"close friend"
"significant other"
"sweetheart"

"partner" Most people felt that was used in the Gay community & meant that I was a lesbian...

So far, not what I wanted. Why are we so short on appropriate replacement words for 'boyfriend'?

Most people were of the opinion that the best one was "this is my man." Problem is: I don't like it.

The ones I did like were "my boy-toy"--I like it because it is so obviously a joke that it just eases everyone & diverts away from the awkward use of boyfriend at my age.

And: "sparring partner"--reference to TKD.

Finally: BF. That works cuz it implies boyfriend without actually saying it. Plus it works on Facebook, Twitter, texting, emailing.....all "the portals" as said in He's Just Not That Into You.

But none of them are 100% right--of course my kid always says "My mom's new boyfriend is coming over later" to his friends so it is a natural label in his mind. I hope he wouldn't say "boy-toy".

So Boyfriend, Please! it is.

Jettisoned!

Well, maybe not jettisoned but certainly changed.

I decided that I no longer wanted to be involved with my guys beyond a friendship--

I made that decision last week even before Xing Fu & I actually discussed it--I just don't want to be involved with them in that way anymore. I just knew.

So how do I let these guys down? It was a little dicey for me--I really liked all of them & didn't want to lose their friendships but was prepared if I did.

I must admit that it's nice to have a few to tell as opposed to none to tell...nice for the ego to be honest.

Overall they were all very cool with it--still wanting to "hang out" & be friends--for this I am glad because I enjoy my friendships with them & certainly didn't want them to end--just become a different incarnation. Seamus seemed very happy for me--I have a bit of a bittersweet feeling with him but I know we'll still be close friends--just the way we are. SM also was cool--& he did know something was up last week at wine tasting..he also felt that it had been unfair to expect me to continue to wait for him. So as I said, very cool guys--and they're still my friends--I have to say I'm grateful for their continued friendships as over the past months as they certainly have enhanced my life.

My feet still haven't touched down....

On the Cusp

Look at me with starry eyes
Push me up to starry skies
There's stardust in my head
Pure and simple every time
Fresh and deep as oceans new
Shiver at the sight of you
I'll sing a softer tune
Pure and simple over you
Pure and simple just for you

The Lightening Seeds--Pure


Been a bit over-the-top recently and certainly my feet are hovering in the stratosphere. I guess eventually I'll need to float back down to earth. I'm quite sure my BFFs are getting a little worn out by my behavior--thank goodness they indulge me...or mebbe they want to take me out back & shoot me thereby alleviating their collective misery in dealing with the floating girl. But they're certainly being good sports as I've been bouncing, bouncing, bouncing like Tigger these days. It is intoxicating at times but I am continuously excited by the connections there seem to be between us--we keep uncovering more & I think it surprises us both--every time we've been together we discover that we both know a remote area down south that very few others in our acquaintance know, or countless other seemingly small things that just add more to the list of alignment.

Last night BFF(J) & her husband met Xing Fu for the first time. Overall impressions were favorable--it was a rather short introduction as we had dinner reservations for Baltimore Restaurant Week and we were dropping my kid off at her house so he could hang with her son. He told me that he wants to meet my friends which makes me very happy--I like that he wants to be involved that way.

In fact, my BFF(J) said that he was much better than the Bull in her opinion--that is a very good thing. I told him that what I learned from my relationship with the Bull will make me better with him. Looking forward to it.

Dating in "Smalltimore"

So I've finally made it! Or so it seems. Baltimore Magazine has an article accompanying this month's singles issue entitled "Don't I Know You?" in which I am featured. Link to come soon. Kinda fun to see my blog in print and some of my adventures out there for the Smalltimore world. I will link soon so stay tuned!