I am just so stressed & anxious about the house thing--we have begun. The list is just so long & I'm feeling quite overwhelmed by the whole thing. But first things first, de-clutter.
Last night, Xing Fu & I tackled the crawl space under the house. There were years of stuff in there--books, papers, stuff from my ex--two bar stools he picked up off a Baltimore street over 15 years ago...it was hard to just toss it aside (not the bar stools). No, I don't want to keep any of it--but it represents my history--kinda tough to sift through it all. Getting all that stuff out will leave room to box up the stuff upstairs so that the house can be "staged" to sell--kinda like living in a hotel room for a few months. When we leave this house, a chapter of my life will definitely close & that's kinda scary.
We're all full of talk like, "When we have a house together such & such will happen" or "When we live together this is going to be how things will be...", etc. Positively nerve-wracking! And exciting. I know my kid is getting more interested as he sees things being moved out--he's talking about wanting to have a bigger space & more privacy. He has also said that he'll miss the only home he's known--
But everything in the crawl space except my stuffed animals "Snuggles" is going to the dump or to Good Will. Especially the bar stools--as I throw them onto the metal scrap heap I will be thinking that I am definitely happy that chapter of hoarding husbands is closed!
A bit of a follow-up post from the quirky kissing one from a bit ago. I read an interesting article in Redbook the other day that got me thinking--yeah, bad sign. It was entitled The Kissing Project and pointed out some interesting facts. One that struck me the most was that kissing & hand-holding are usually the first to go in a LTR. How depressing! And upon reflection I do realize that kissing does dwindle--at least it did with my ex-husband--mebbe a smooch in the morning--mebbe days without a peck at all. Most likely had to do with the fact that I didn't like him too much and the thought of swapping spit at that point disgusted me...
The article points out also how men & women respond to kissing--men to spread testosterone & for both generating the feel-good hormones of oxytocin & endorphins--oxytocin is that infamous "bonding" hormone. So isn't it interesting that when a couple is "bonded" they actually stop hormonal bonding when they stop kissing. Couples seeking therapy are sometimes counseled to kiss more--apparently the research indicates that it can help. And so the article lists a few experiments. I looked at each one & compared to what Xing Fu & I do.
First & foremost--we are pretty touchy-feely anyway and have no problem smooching a lot. But the one "experiment" that stuck out was actually one that I had absolutely no need to even consider (the other ones, yeah, could be interesting), but this one suggested making over his kissing style. The problem I have with that is if you are reading this as a married couple or even in a LTR, it would totally suck if you've been dealing with a bad kisser for this long & it hadn't occurred to you to fix this a waaay long time ago...(apparently some men love the tongue thrust & swirl to the point of dripping...eeewww).
Here's the link if anyone would like to read it themselves:
http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/kissing-tips
Pucker up!
No racing this weekend but I did get a lot of sailing in. It was my son's birthday yesterday so it was his wish to go sailing. We lucked out with the weather & wind & off we go on my folks' boat. By the time the afternoon was ending, the wind was up to 15-18 knots, perfect for their boat, & we had a great sail across the bay over to 7 Foot Knoll (I will NEVER get used to seeing that stick in the water instead of the lighthouse) & Craig Hill Channel Light. My son & one of his best friends just had a blast hanging out up on the bow just like I did when I was a kid. Feet over the low side to catch the water (a HUGE no-no while racing of course). He told me that it was his best birthday ever.
The day before my BFF(J) had us all over to her water house to hang out & celebrate my son's birthday. They have a Scorpion (Sunfish knock-off) that my son & her son immediately sailed out & flipped on purpose. They sailed around the river for a while, deliberately flipping the boat as much as possible. You have to climb on the daggerboard to right it. But I was glad that they were so comfortable with it--they'll need that skill for camp. Later I took my BFF(A) out sailing. It had been a while on the tiller, but after 5 minutes I had it all figured out again & we flew across the river & back. No flipping for us though--need to instill confidence in my sailing skills. We had a wonderful time & as usual I am thankful for my friends & them looking out to help me make my son's birthday the best it can be; even if I have to go at it alone. I have a phenomenal support system.
Unfortunately for my son his father forgot to call him on his birthday & he had to call him. I could see him trying to fight off his disappointment & make excuses for his dad. So sad. But he hugged me tightly & thanked me for being there to make his birthday the best & told me how much he loved me--wouldn't trade that for the world. I wonder if my ex-husband even cares how badly he hurts our son.
Back to work today & I'm already swamped! I have educational assessments to complete & meetings to run. I'm already looking forward to Wednesday night & racing down on the West River. Got to get practice in before the big races coming up.
I have to say that it is harder to sail when cruising then racing. I have a hard time finding things to do when I don't have to pay attention to anything or hang out on the rails. But I also must say that I'd rather sail no matter the circumstances be it cruising or racing! Everyone should sail!
According to my son's new stepmonster, he is stuck-up. She said it to his 11 year old face. Now anyone who knows my son in any way cannot say that he's stuck up. Stuck up & my guy are a juxtaposition. She got mad at my ex-husband because he was paying too much attention to my son & not paying enough attention to her & her boy. One needs to understand that this was the first visit my son has had at his father's new place in Illinois since he moved there in September of 2007. You'd think she'd want my ex to pay attention to our son. But this merely points out that this woman is 1) very insecure, 2)silly, & 3)rather stupid because all she'll do is alienate my son from his dad even more. Oh well. This is just one part of the "weekend visitation" that my son had to endure.
The story:
As a family we all went to visit my sister & her family in Chicago for Passover. Part of that visit was that my son would go to his dad in a drab town about an hour & a half outside of Chicago. Passover was awesome--my brother-in-law outdid himself putting on an amazing seder for all of us & friends of theirs. He is a bit of a foodie as am I, so it was fun seeing all the amazing places he & my sis have gone to eat in Chicago & experiencing his own great cooking. It was good to be together & for the most part everyone behaved themselves--we all know how families get. I was able to spend very necessary time with my sister alone--even trying to teach her how to drive stick on her porsche. We always have such a great time together & we rarely get to see one another. Luckily, no princess room in sight, for me at least. Her daughter has a great princess room though--the addition of the gauze butterflies brought back some Florida rooms I know....
Anyhow, my son gets picked up at my sister's house on Friday. The fun begins: my ex looks horrible--I've described him before but now it was just...well...grotesque. When I was married to him he did not look like this cuz I'd never want to be around something like that. He & his new wife had driven up with the babies: a boy a year & a half & a girl just a few months old. Now this is a man living off the dole & he's squeezing out new babies like no tomorrow. They arrive in a Dodge Durango that reeks of cigarette smoke--my ex doesn't smoke as far as I know--more on this later. But even worse is that my son has to cram in between two clunky car seats with two screaming babies for the hour & a half trip back to Bumblefuck, Illinois. Barf!!
On Sunday my son is dropped off: He walks up to the porch & the cigarette smell rolls off of him in waves. I almost gag. He tells me that his step-grandfather smokes 4 packs a day & plays videos all day long. That is a huge health hazard--my son said he had severe headaches the entire time he was there. My sister & I shove him in the shower, dump all of his clothes--clean & otherwise into the washer & fumigate his coat, shoes & bags with Febreze. I got a headache just being near all his stuff. Not to mention the poor little babies--I may not like my ex or his simpleton of a wife, but those poor babies don't have a chance in hell not to develop asthma or other major health issues. My son begins to describe the squalor that my ex has now sunk to. Question as to whether or not there's adequate working sinks, cleanliness is definitely not a priority, & most folk there in this small house with 8 people & then the addition of my son do not work--only the brother of the stepmonster does apparently. You are getting the picture that just makes me shiver with aversion. Again, those poor babies. All I have to say about my ex is: I may have had to pay off a shitload of his debt, endure his lawsuit to change visitation & have to attend a "Special Issues in Parenting" Class, & deal with my poor son having to accept that his dad has moved away. But I have to say that ultimately I've gotten the much better end of the bargain here. I have a wonderful son who is most definitely NOT stuck-up but one of the most empathetic & kind boys I know with amazing talents--that no one in Bumblefuck, Illinois could even conceivably understand. I have a great house, albeit small. I've got a good job & my health (although I am feeling kind of sick at the moment). I have amazing friends who love me no matter what & a family that despite itself is there for me & my son. My ex doesn't really know my son & hasn't really participated in raising him for quite some time--he is missing out on raising this wonderful kid. I have self-respect & know that I am not relying on public tax money to support me. After all of this--my last comment is: Ain't Karma a bitch?
Heard as I was waiting for my number (D129) to be called, "Sitting here is enough to make you lose your religion". Which prompted me to speculate if heaven was set up like the MVA: "Number A201 go to window 9. Number H76 go to window 43." I can just see all these folk sitting on the rows of metal benches clutching numbers imprinted with PGA (Pearly Gates Administration) and numbers. You shuffle off to a window to confirm that you get to enter. Some people get right on through but the rest of us dumb bastards get sent to other windows to be "judged" for worthiness. You wait one HELL of a long time.
Yes, I wasted a whole day at the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration in Glen Burnie. Yes, I am very bad at paying off old debt that can be attributed mostly to my ex-husband, who has no job & lives in Illinois with his newly minted family--who all incidentally live off of SSDI or SSI & therefore no one can go after him for acquired debt. Because after sitting upstairs for an hour and a half waiting to pay & find out exactly what was owed, I found out that it was his car that was the problem--not mine. Yes, the gift that keeps on giving--all of his debt is still mine--even after divorce! Because, well, we WERE married at the time so I own his old debt in order to drive my car now. Of course I also had to pay off a speeding ticket I received in Montgomery County this past summer on my way to visit... And an old parking ticket from Baltimore County. That parking ticket forced me to drive back up to Towson with my expired tags, & pay the ticket in person because God knows why, if Montgomery County can take a credit card over the phone & fax a release for the ticket to the MVA, Baltimore County won't process it until the next day. So in order to get my new registration & sticker, I had to drive back in the pouring rain & pay in cash to get that release paper. Again, upon my return to the MVA, I had to wait yet again. By this time they were on D200. So my number was decidedly out of place--although I did see a D29 come up--guess they had far more tickets to pay. All in all I visited 3 separate windows to gain that elusive 11 sticker for my car. But it's nice to be legal even if I'm now broke...again. The state of Maryland loves my ass.
