Pucker Up

A bit of a follow-up post from the quirky kissing one from a bit ago.  I read an interesting article in Redbook the other day that got me thinking--yeah, bad sign.  It was entitled The Kissing Project and pointed out some interesting facts.  One that struck me the most was that kissing & hand-holding are usually the first to go in a LTR.  How depressing!  And upon reflection I do realize that kissing does dwindle--at least it did with my ex-husband--mebbe a smooch in the morning--mebbe days without a peck at all.  Most likely had to do with the fact that I didn't like him too much and the thought of swapping spit at that point disgusted me...

The article points out also how men & women respond to kissing--men to spread testosterone & for both generating the feel-good hormones of oxytocin & endorphins--oxytocin is that infamous "bonding" hormone.  So isn't it interesting that when a couple is "bonded"  they actually stop hormonal bonding when they stop kissing.  Couples seeking therapy are sometimes counseled to kiss more--apparently the research indicates that it can help.  And so the article lists a few experiments.  I looked at each one & compared to what Xing Fu & I do.  

First & foremost--we are pretty touchy-feely anyway and have no problem smooching a lot.  But the one "experiment" that stuck out was actually one that I had absolutely no need to even consider (the other ones, yeah, could be interesting), but this one suggested making over his kissing style.  The problem I have with that is if you are reading this as a married couple or even in a LTR, it would totally suck if you've been dealing with a bad kisser for this long & it hadn't occurred to you to fix this a waaay long time ago...(apparently some men love the tongue thrust & swirl to the point of dripping...eeewww).

Here's the link if anyone would like to read it themselves:
http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/kissing-tips

Pucker up!

Bucking the Odds

I've come to find out that many, many people who know both of us didn't think we'd last.  (In fact, my mother still asks if everything's all right with us almost every phone call...)  Yup, the curse of the rebound relationship--we did fret a bit about that at first but we very soon set that aside.  Apparently, people assumed that we'd last about 3 months & then because of the nature of the beast, we'd be done.  Interesting because the framework of our relationship never resembled that old rebound stuff.  And in fact, as I've researched it a bit, there really is no evidence that supposed rebound relationships don't work.  Regardless, I think we've moved beyond the possibility anyway--major relationship events recently have proved this unequivocally. 

From Princeton University:  (On the Rebound: Time to Remarriage and Subsequent Union Stability) This paper has a single straightforward finding: there is no rebound effect.  People quickly entering new relationships after an initial divorce, whether by remarriage or cohabitation followed by remarriage, do not have higher divorce rates. This finding persists after controlling for key demographic differences between respondents. The advice offered by many self-help books ("Don't get into a new relationship too quickly!") therefore has no basis in reality.

There are quite a few websites out there that refute the rebound relationship but overwhelmingly the opposite view takes precedent...I wonder why.