Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Switching Shoes

Here I sit with about 5 different story lines for this post revving through my head.  It's nice to have ideas but I'm just not sure which one to go with.  I guess I can start with the cool stuff--I hadn't posted about this before but I was Top 5 in both of my categories for the Mobbies.  How cool is that?  Unless all two of my readers voted for me everyday & that's what I'm seeing.  Or, I actually have a little readership & that there are people out there who like what I have to say--or laugh uproariously at my stoopidity....regardless, thanks to everyone who did vote for this blog to catapult me from anonymity right up to Number 4 in Lifestyle out of 34 & 5th out of 36 in the Personal.  Awesome!! 

OK, so as usual, what started off as a step in the right direction invariably got flushed down the "terlit" by the end of the weekend.  Eventually, we need to figure this thing out--that it's tough to be on eggshells all weekend; afraid of making a squeak, let alone allowing some steam to be seen coming out my ears.  And that communication just breaks down because I get strident & he gets passive-aggressive & I end up looking like a dope; bad person in front of his youngest.  I so do not want her to have that kind of information to store away & share with sisters & BM so as to provide them with the appropriate schadenfreude.  It is embarrassing & by the time I realize that I've been played the ultimate in passive-aggressive non-communication, I'm in the thick of it.  All of this because I needed affirmation that I'm important to him even when his darlings are inhabiting our house for the weekend.  Don't ask why, please just appreciate that it is needed.  And so, I've done a little research & this is what I came up with:

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. By understanding their background (and baggage)you develop a sense of why they feel the way they feel. This understanding opens up the opportunity to validate your partner’s feelings by saying, “I understand why you feel that way. I understand why that would hurt or upset you, and I apologize.” Sometimes, oftentimes, our partners just want to be heard and/or understood. I think this is one of guys’ most common communication mistakes. Women want acknowledgement, guys want to prove their point – which makes men oblivious to the obvious – ladies want that emotional validation. (Marcus Osborne-Your Tango) http://www.yourtango.com/experts/galtime-com/communication-hard-why

Putting yourself in the other's shoes is very difficult but perhaps eventually we will be able to do it.  All I can say is that in this instance I needed some affirmation & I didn't get it.  It happens a lot when the skids are around & it makes me less likely to be an understanding & more resilient GF--perhaps Xing Fu may want to put himself in my shoes in this particular circumstance & just do it. 

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