Tuesday, May 29, 2012
I'm sitting at the kitchen table in the new house & I gotta say--this ain't no merge, it's a full-grown, head-on crash! Difficult to be sure & frustrating too, but I know this is just the beginning. When we finally got everyone's stuff into the house on Saturday, all I wanted to do was to get the kitchen done & by done I mean functional. I looked around at all of the boxes & sighed, or was it cried? It was just too much!! Where would this item get stored? The 3 sets of plates, cups & bowls--whose to use? And what about the pasta? OMG! The pasta has multiplied like rabbits!! Not sure how much spaghetti one family needs but apparently this one could open up a pasta specialty store! I think I know what we'll be eating for the next six months! Ok, I exaggerate. Or not. It's a big kitchen but we're coming to find out that similar to our family dynamic, it is difficult to navigate & easily place things where we are satisfied that it works. I suppose that will all come in time but right now I must cook pasta. ARGH!
My next goal is to try to get the common spaces done--like the living room, family room & den. The den will require getting the storage room/wine cellar done first so that the million cases of wine are safely stored & not in the middle of the room--I think I have an uphill battle in front of me because tomorrow is sailing, Thursday & Friday evenings appear to be booked as well--Friday we have symphony tickets & it was supposed to be the four of us: Xing Fu, myself, my son & his youngest daughter but now she has a lacrosse tournament & cannot. I am disappointed because I thought that we'd have a nice family activity to do together as we've merged each of our families together in one house--good bonding experience but alas, it is not to be. Good thing my son's best friend will come so that the ticket won't go to waste. Also, he'll then stay at the house for the first time--my son finally has room to invite his friends over--that is a very good thing!
But the crazy begins--lacrosse games all weekend for his daughter & apparently no time to devote to getting this house worked on. This is where I struggle--for so many years I've had to juggle my kid's activities & other priorities. In fact, just recently I had to miss his crew regatta because of the move--that totally sucked because I really wanted to go--but the priority was our move. In the past, I have had to call in the assistance of my folks & my son's friends' parents on occasion to take him various places when I had other demands that required my attention. And sometimes, when he was still living in the area, my ex. This is my struggle: I feel like our priorities become secondary or tertiary as a result of Xing Fu's tunnel vision regarding his daughters--what needs to be a focus for all of us is swept to the side for him & I feel like I'm still expected to unpack, do the laundry, & cook dinner for everyone. That is my perception & perhaps it is not entirely accurate, but that is how I felt this weekend when his daughter was over & everything stopped for the good of all & became only for the good of his. Sure, getting her room set up was a priority, but the rest of it, not so much. As a result, I did the laundry, unpacked & organized most of the kitchen, repacked the extra dishes that we decided not to use, & then cooked dinner. If this is my future, I guess I'm struggling a bit. And case in point, what did I do again today when I got home from work? Prepped & cooked dinner--essentially all Xing Fu & his daughter really had to do was walk in the house & sit at the table. Xing Fu did help a bit but again, he was distracted to the point of being a hindrance & not a help by his kid--I've read the advice column about blending families & I know that this is a common theme--but it is happening to me & it is problematic. Interesting point that Xing Fu's middle child once told me. She had a Chinese exchange student for 6 weeks & the girl was very confused by the family dynamics. She said that in China people don't get divorced they just stay unhappy. Not how I choose to live my life anymore. I want this to work, but I guess we have a few kinks to straighten out so that this house gets put together & we have a home that our family (his & mine) can thrive in.