Friday, August 10, 2012

Stepfamily Shuffle--2 Steps Forward, 3 Steps Back

A blended family experiment went down last week in the form of 4 children (3 teens, 1 tween, 3 girls, 1 boy(not in that order for age)), and lo & behold it seemed to work pretty well for all involved.  After all of the drama & stuff from before we left, we all managed to go to the beach for a week & act like a "normal" family.  And upon reflection, I also think the week moved all of us forward in this circus we call stepfamily.  We laughed a lot with one another which is HUGE.  And I finally thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, Xing Fu & I could pull this thing off--that was one of the first times since moving in together where I truly felt positive about it all.  I think we all did.  

But, at some point the other shoe will drop.  And it did about three hours after we got back home (that didn't take long!).  The warm fuzzies just didn't last.  Sigh.  I know there was a lot of crap floating just under the surface for many of us--which of course resurfaced once we all got back to the happy homestead. "We all float down here." a la Stephen in the sh** is bound to rise to the surface once again.  I was hoping that we could keep it at bay at least until the following week.  And to some extent, depending upon the situation, I see changes--case in point, one skid has a birthday & actively involved me--that request really made my day--that she was seeking out something that I had to offer for her special day (OK, a few days after the fact, but still).  I cannot begin to tell you how many points she gained with me--can we call this an Olympic score of 8.5?  I really want to have a positive relationship with all of the skids & this is the kind of interaction that continues those positive feelings--and really, sometimes they are very hard to come by....

I think about another milestone situation & am saddened because we (bio son & I are being excluded).  A work in progress, but it stings pretty deeply nonetheless.  And it does little to make me want to reach out & develop a close, positive relationship because every time I make the attempt, somehow, something always gets in the way which upsets the apple cart & we're back to square one. 

And here's where all the advice columns etc., get to me sometimes--I am supposed to be gracious & accepting, loving & understanding & NEVER show how these things affect me.  I am wondering, are there really those Fairy Godmother, Uber Stepmoms who can do this out there?  Can you send me some of your Uber Stepmom mojo??  'Cause I ain't feelin' it.

It's almost comical how things go from wonderful to sh*t so quickly.  I mentioned how great our week at the beach was & then how just a mere 3 hours later, it all got sucked out like the tide after a storm.  And last night--great dinner--everyone laughing & then, not even an hour later, it crumbled--Xing Fu & I just shaking our heads, WTF?? OK, true statement here, we are both deeply committed to making this work & are optimistic that eventually, prolly in at least a few years, it will come together. But, right now....well, mebbe it had something to do with scrubbing the dog pee out of the rug....

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