Vaycay? You Decide!

Last week we all went to the beach for a week.  I mean we ALL went to the beach....all 10 of us!  I have come to appreciate my mom & dad for all the work they did when we were growing up or when, as grown-ups, all of the sisters & their families descended on the house in Lewes for a "few days."  YIKES!!  Here's the break-down: me, Xing Fu, 2 of his daughters, my son, my BFF(J) and her kids (my son's best friend & her daughter), and 2 friends of my stepdaughter's.  I needed a vaycay from my vaycay...just sayin'.  
Top 10 Reasons I Need A Vaycay From My Vacation:
10. Getting up at dawn to make lunch for 10
9. Making 10 wraps with various innards
8. Organizing towels, books, frisbees, sunscreen
7. Packing coolers
6.  Packing car with coolers, beach chairs, bags, books, hats, etc., etc.
5. Apres beach: unpacking coolers, chairs, bags, hats, etc., etc.
4. Grocery shopping!  Everyday!
3. Preparing dinner & cleaning up dinner after the clean-up crew has finished (you know what I mean)
2. Drying towels, bathing suits
1. Evening entertainment: driving to ice cream, boardwalk, shopping, movies, etc., etc.
Additional requirements: cleaning up house after 10 people, making sure nothing is broken, doing laundry: sheets, towels, all dishes clean, putting all bikes, chairs, kayaks, etc. back in storage, locking up, leaving.

Did I say that being on the beach at Cape Henlopen was beautiful?  Absolutely!  Was it great fun?  Indeed!  But when I came home I felt like I'd been working much of the week-whew! I have to say though it was fun to see everyone hanging out, just spending time together.  I enjoyed having the time with my BFF(J), & now, with all of our collective kids being older, not having to be concerned with having to entertain them too much.  We provide the opportunities, but they do the rest.  If we'd done this 7-10 years ago, I think it would have been MUCH harder to do. I'm not complaining, I did have times of relaxation but I'm looking forward to when Xing Fu & I go on vacation--alone!

Obligatory Post 2012

Yup, end-of-year post--the obligatory blog post that talks about the review of the last year & what the hopes (resolutions) are for the New Year.  The events of 2012 for me & my family (both blood & blended) have been quite tumultuous to say the least.  From getting a house ready to sell, to selling, to moving in together--2012 was a very big year for all of us.  Adjustments all around--we are still figuring this thing out.  But over all it has been a good decision & as my son said, he is used to his "step" sisters being at the house & that when they aren't, it feels weird.  Good--that is what we're working towards.  

winter at the beach

A good example is what all of us did a few days ago (yikes, this vaycay has flown!).  We went to the beach for a few days.  Not so big a deal when written like this but we had 11 people at the beach!  BFF(J) & family, us (blended, less one skid), & two friends of skids.  I think it was a good time for everyone & we managed to fit all 11 of us around the table for a "family" meal.  And we all experienced the beach in the winter--some of us a little more than others--BFF(J)'s hubby decided that he had to wade up to his knees in the water---brrrr!  Like I said--this is an example when things work in the new family--there are many other examples when things don't quite, but hopefully there will be less & less of that into 2013....

So 2013....

My hope for us is that we continue to grow together as a family & that the bumps along the way get less & less bumpy....

A Happy & Healthy New Year to ALL!!

Stepfamily Shuffle--2 Steps Forward, 3 Steps Back

A blended family experiment went down last week in the form of 4 children (3 teens, 1 tween, 3 girls, 1 boy(not in that order for age)), and lo & behold it seemed to work pretty well for all involved.  After all of the drama & stuff from before we left, we all managed to go to the beach for a week & act like a "normal" family.  And upon reflection, I also think the week moved all of us forward in this circus we call stepfamily.  We laughed a lot with one another which is HUGE.  And I finally thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, Xing Fu & I could pull this thing off--that was one of the first times since moving in together where I truly felt positive about it all.  I think we all did.  

But, at some point the other shoe will drop.  And it did about three hours after we got back home (that didn't take long!).  The warm fuzzies just didn't last.  Sigh.  I know there was a lot of crap floating just under the surface for many of us--which of course resurfaced once we all got back to the happy homestead. "We all float down here." a la Stephen King....as in the sh** is bound to rise to the surface once again.  I was hoping that we could keep it at bay at least until the following week.  And to some extent, depending upon the situation, I see changes--case in point, one skid has a birthday & actively involved me--that request really made my day--that she was seeking out something that I had to offer for her special day (OK, a few days after the fact, but still).  I cannot begin to tell you how many points she gained with me--can we call this an Olympic score of 8.5?  I really want to have a positive relationship with all of the skids & this is the kind of interaction that continues those positive feelings--and really, sometimes they are very hard to come by....

I think about another milestone situation & am saddened because we (bio son & I are being excluded).  A work in progress, but it stings pretty deeply nonetheless.  And it does little to make me want to reach out & develop a close, positive relationship because every time I make the attempt, somehow, something always gets in the way which upsets the apple cart & we're back to square one. 

And here's where all the advice columns etc., get to me sometimes--I am supposed to be gracious & accepting, loving & understanding & NEVER show how these things affect me.  I am wondering, are there really those Fairy Godmother, Uber Stepmoms who can do this out there?  Can you send me some of your Uber Stepmom mojo??  'Cause I ain't feelin' it.

It's almost comical how things go from wonderful to sh*t so quickly.  I mentioned how great our week at the beach was & then how just a mere 3 hours later, it all got sucked out like the tide after a storm.  And last night--great dinner--everyone laughing & then, not even an hour later, it crumbled--Xing Fu & I just shaking our heads, WTF?? OK, true statement here, we are both deeply committed to making this work & are optimistic that eventually, prolly in at least a few years, it will come together. But, right now....well, mebbe it had something to do with scrubbing the dog pee out of the rug....

Getting Away

Cape Henlopen State Park

Getting ready to disappear for the weekend.  Going to the beach is a great way just to get away & recharge without taking a huge amount of time.  I think I need to do this about every 6 months or so--no pressures, no concerns, do what we like or do nothing (hard for the likes of the two of us).  My son will be with his aunt, grandfather & father in Bethesda so this is a good weekend for Xing Fu & I to get away before the sailing season ramps up & we're consumed by regattas.  I also think that it gives our relationship a little shot in the arm.  We get so caught up in the everyday of our lives & enjoying our relationship sometimes takes a back seat.  I always feel reconnected when we get home & closer to Xing Fu.  He doesn't necessarily feel the need--guess he's humoring me but I think he knows that I need it so he does treat it with care.

So perhaps some geocaching at Henlopen State Park, a walk to the beach, & maybe nothing more.  For me the beach is a way for me to clear my brain.  It calls to me...the ocean feels like home even in the dead of winter or early spring.  And I can share that with Xing Fu.  Just us.  I can't wait.

 

Relax and Reconnect

Nothing is more important than reconnecting with your bliss. Nothing is as rich. Nothing is more real. Deepak Chopra

Wrapping up a beach weekend right now & reflecting on just how important it was.  Xing Fu told me he didn't feel quite like I did about needing to reconnect but once he got here & we sat in front of the fireplace at midnight, he said that it was a good thing that I put a lot of thought into "couple things" to do as he doesn't often think that way. Being at the beach was a good example.  I have to agree because even though he didn't feel the need as I did, I found it very necessary for the both of us (maybe he'll recognize this later).  We have been spending the past few weeks fully engaged in everyday living & have had fleeting times together for any real duration of time.  Just getting away for these few days has been hugely important--down time, R & R, whatever you want to call it--reminds me of us--who we are as a couple--it is necessary.  Xing Fu also said that the almost three hours in the car each way went by quite quickly--talking about everything & perhaps very little but it was quality time.  Both of us brought a couple board games (bored?) thinking that perhaps we'd play--Scrabble or something but as usual, we just ran out of time--again, if asked what we did exactly--walk on the beach, boardwalk, a nice dinner in town & evenings by the fire.  It's funny, but even as we sat listening to the end of a Stevie Ray Vaughn disc, I knew exactly what Xing Fu would choose as the next selection--Eric Clapton...kinda freaky but there's that connection--the synchronicity that perhaps we'd lost a bit of.  It was good to have it back again.

Milestones

Significant in relationships are all of those little mile markers.  And we seemed to cram quite a few into our weekend.   Hadn't really thought too much about it--going to the beach for the weekend--until Xing Fu said that he was a bit nervous about it.  Strangely, I wasn't--I'm usually a big worrier--will we get along, will we get bored with each other, etc., etc.  I did bring a couple magazines along with me--never opened 'em...we just were busy & involved in each other.  Xing Fu brought magazines as well--his concern was that we'd run out of things to say to one another...HA! No need to worry--it was a phenomenal weekend--came back just feeling even more sure of where things are headed. 

On our way back from the beach we went to the Spin Sheet Crew Listings Party in Annapolis.  It was an opportunity to find a boat to race on together..not sure if we've found one, but it was a start.  It also marked a kind of "official" public outing together amongst mutual friends/acquaintances--another milestone.  I think I was actually more nervous about that then being at the beach. 


And yet another marker is the start of the Wednesdays on the West River.  I can't wait--I've certainly missed being out there on the water...but again, what a difference a year makes.  Last year my son & I joined a boat down on the West & that's where Xing Fu & I met.  It seems impossibly far away...never thought this would happen between us...but here it is...and I wouldn't trade it for the world.