Aged Wine

 "Relish love in our old age! Aged love is like aged wine; it becomes more satisfying, more refreshing, more valuable, more appreciated and more intoxicating!" --Leo Buscaglia


A couple of weekends ago, Xing Fu's dad & stepmother came for a visit from Texas.  They are both is their 80's & are in great shape--I hope I'm that well off when I'm that age.  But I digress--what struck me the most was how touchy-feely, romantic they were.  Maybe it was over-the-top a bit (he knelt to help her put on her shoes at one point), but I was smitten myself at how devoted they seemed to one another. I remarked to Xing Fu about how they were after they left & he agreed.  He said that his dad wasn't like that when he was growing up, & wondered if it was the woman who made him a different man or just the time in his life.  I guess the romantic in me hopes that it had something to do with the woman--probably because it's his father's second marriage, and it has lasted for quite some time.  Of course it is my desire that we might be the same way & that we both have brought out the best in one another.  Either way, it was wonderful to see such devotion & visual examples of commitment. And I hope that both my son & Xing Fu's daughters saw what I saw as well--that love can last into older age & be just as romantic as when one is in one's youth.  To that end, Xing Fu left me a little note one morning this week as I'm on vaycay from work & he drove my son to school for me.  When I sent him an email later that day to thank him he wrote back that he wants "wants to be all lovey-dovey in 30 years like my parents."  And I think he's worked towards that as have I--last night I satisfied my bet from last year's NCAA tournament by taking Xing Fu to Woodberry Kitchen for dinner.  (Every year we bet on our brackets--loser takes the winner out to a really nice restaurant--I've won only once--boo!).  Very romantic of course but nothing too extraordinary except this morning after I'd posted last night on FB the following, "Lovely dinner with Xing Fu at Woodberry Kitchen & the food was pretty awesome too!" His response (very rare as he's hardly ever on FB), "Yes, lovely dinner with a lovely woman. What more could I ask?"   I hope we continue like this in 30 years too.

Girls Juxtaposed

Hannah: Please don't tell anyone this, but I wanna be happy.

Hannah: I realize I'm not different. I want what everyone wants. I want what they all want. I want all the things. I just want to be happy.

--Girls "One Man's Trash" Season 2, Episode 5

Strange how things just hit you at the right time. I've been watching the HBO show Girls--which I LOVE, btw. But what I was so fascinated with was how lives change--I remember watching this episode rather transfixed & rather uncomfortable because here was Hannah, all of 24 years old hanging out (OK, fucking) with Joshua, a middle-aged (albeit very hot) guy of 42.  It was like holding up a mirror to my former self & my current self. So un-grown-up back then.  How did I ever get from where Hannah is to where I am now?  Because really Hannah's character doesn't like to admit that she "wants what everyone wants."  She prides herself on being outside the norm--and when I was that age, well, so did I.  I was a real "hippie chick" & I very much flaunted that.  Yeah, there's still a lot of crunchy left in me now, but here I am--kinda like Joshua, with a nice house, nice art, stuff, etc., comfortable.  Not on the edge like Hannah--not the way I used to be--very unsettled--not a grown-up.  I look back I try to figure out where becoming comfortable happened along the way.  Because, honestly, that coulda' been me back in the day--having the fantasy of a settled life, of domesticity, but trying hard not to admit that I really wanted it. And now, after watching that episode, I'm really happy to be where I am now. Perhaps the point at which one becomes a "grown-up" is when the kids arrive--I do remember having to give up my old habits & suck it up for my kid--and I did grieve the freedom at one point.  But, I had to change. And rolling forward almost 20 years--here I am now.

The other part of this particular episode reminds me of an old blog post--
http://boyfriendplease-sailorgrl.blogspot.com/2009/12/emotionally-unavailable.html  where I describe my various "men" and specifically talk about my "Music Buddy" aka, Xing Fu.  What did Hannah represent to Joshua?  His marriage had just broken up, & perhaps what had been missing is just what I wrote in the blog post back then, "I think he's attracted to me because I may represent some piece of his life that he wishes he had--a certain exoticism perhaps...I don't know."  I think for Joshua, Hannah was just that--his break from reality into what used to be--the complete opposite of domestic bliss.  Which reminds me--I do not want to fall into the old trap of "been there, done that."  I hope that we maintain our "exoticism" along with our domestic bliss. But that's for another blog post....

I also really love the last shot of the that show--Hannah waking up, making the bed,  & making breakfast, & then taking out the trash (the episode starts with trash & ends with trash--lots of cool imagery/ideas/themes)--still in the future--still domestic & then watching Hannah walk down the street--back to her real life--back to the years before she can claim that she's ready for "all the things."  Cool episode.

Snowkidding!

Remember this?

3 years ago in early February there was a snowmageddon or a snowpocalypse, depending on your preference (yup, using those stoopid weather cliches as best I can) & Xing Fu & I spent our first weekend together as a couple holed up in his condo with my dog Buddy (*sniff*, *sniff*, R.I.P. big guy) & painted his daughters' bedroom along with watching Hedwig & the Angry Inch for the first time.  Certainly a test of initial compatibility. I know neither of us could imagine back then where we are now--buying a house together, blending our families, essentially a married couple. What a difference three years makes.  So sitting at home together while the snow (ha!) comes down three years later is kinda an anniversary of sorts--at least of a dubious distinction....I will never forget our drive to his condo that evening of the storm--I think we were both crazy to attempt it--shoulda stayed at my house but 2 crazy, stubborn people by will alone forced the car up that snowy hill to the condo. And it was the beginning of it all.  Here's the post from back then if anyone's interested: http://boyfriendplease-sailorgrl.blogspot.com/2010/02/snowbound-test.html

Days like today are good ones for reflection--what have we done well together, what can we work on, & what can we plan for our future together.  Also, this kind of day is good to be grateful for the companionship & love that we've found in each other.  Bashert to be sure. And we don't need a ring to show it.  Below is a little advice infographic that  came across that seems to sum up a lot of what I try to do--especially number 5, which is what this post is about: