Friday, December 4, 2009

Emotionally Unavailable

"I'm in your movie & you're in mine. Two different films, really. We don't really know each other, we're just making a guess at knowing each other. Right? I think the same's true about love."
--Bored to Death Season 1, Episode 2

I've been circling around this concept recently of why I seem to be choosing the men that I do. I've alluded to this in past blog posts but I haven't given it full measure. All of them are emotionally unavailable for some reason or another & I haven't been able to put my finger on why I can't find one & only one that works at least 80% for me & only me (reference to the Bull here). Now, it could be as simple as the old abandonment game--you know the one--Daddy & Mommy got divorced, Daddy leaves family (in my case it was Mommy took kids & left Daddy), kiddos don't see Daddy in over a year--ABANDONMENT issues! Soooo, men=abandonment eventually; so why choose any that may not since they all will...Not so sure about this logic.

But, a run-down of them is as follows & why they aren't available.

Salad--too young--fun but NO way there's a future there & frankly I ain't interested.

Seamus--doesn't want anything more than a "friendship". He was honest from the start so I get what I get...

Sweet Mistakes--still dealing with divorce & its ramifications--we are in such separate spheres of existence. If I wait....but do I really wanna anymore?

Music Buddy--Soooo married. So far it's been purely platonic & I don't foresee it changing, which is fine--so not interested in that Karmic ass-kick. I think he's attracted to me because I may represent some piece of his life that he wishes he had--a certain exoticism perhaps...I don't know.

Those are on the current list--there are shifts here & there but these seem to be the more stable ones--heh..there are a few more who flit in & out--primarily flirtations with no real substance.

If I analyze all of these guys put together though an interesting idea formulates--if there was one guy who had all of their characteristics he'd actually be quite perfect....hey! Hadn't considered that!

Still, looking at them I still can't wrap my head around why I'm still choosing such WRONG guys. I always say I like the Bad Boys & the drama--my friend CFW, says that I get bored with the "safe & secure", which may be true, but not all of the men in that list are Bad Boys so where does that leave me? Still with nada, zip, zero. And yes, I know, some folk may say, "What the fuck are you complaining about? Look at all the fun you're having! And you still don't have to deal with any relationship bullshit!" Maybe I want to deal with the relationship bullshit--in fact, I hazard to say that some of my more happier moments were when I was dealing with the Bull-shit. So there it what do I do about it & how do I resolve this?


Anonymous said...

Hi from down under. You dare to trust and put it all on the line or nothing will ever change! I had similar issues myself until one day I worked out that you just put it on the line and accept faults and all again. And change role models so you have someone with a great relationship show you the way!!

Incognito said...

You've already figured most of it out; we are usually drawn to that with which we are comfortable, what we know from childhood and growing up. Yes, the abandonment issue is big and maybe you're attempting to make someone stay just to show that you CAN as a way of filling that gap in your life. If you make an unavailable Daddy figure STAY, then you've closed that painful gap. (But not really...)