I get to feelin' kind of mean and blue.
When my bed gets empty,
get to feelin' awful mean and blue.
The springs are gettin' rusty
sleepin' single like I do.
--Bessie Smith Empty Bed Blues
After about 5 days straight of being with each other, I now have been experiencing the empty bed blues. Which sucks. I wonder sometimes if I have separation anxiety--of course that diagnosis in the DSM IV is reserved for children--there is new research on the adult--I just don't deal well with separation..recollections of last summer for example. I'm doing fine now--last night just sucked--most probably because I was worried since it was close to 10:30 PM & didn't know if Xing Fu had arrived at his destination OK. I told him that other folk may not give a shit whether or not he arrived safely but since I cared about him, it would've been preferable to actually let me know. Is that asking too much?? I don't think so...Intellectually I know that sometimes my feelings can be irrational, but they're there, ready to taunt me. I think it is tougher at night--hence the EBB, & I know he'll be back, but I'm just uncomfortable is all.
“What’s empty bed syndrome?” I asked curiously, pretty sure that I knew, but wanting to clarify because Anne was constantly coining new phrases.
“It’s how sometimes all you want is a warm body to cuddle with, especially when you’re used to having one—and when you don’t you really miss it, you know?” she replied. (from Elle Magazine)
I really miss it.
But earlier this week we passed another relationship test--we purchased something together for my house--a real sense of permanence--nice. And New Year's Eve will be spent together--also wonderful. But I still miss him even if he'll be back tomorrow.
