Thursday, December 30, 2010

Empty Bed Blues

Now, when my bed gets empty
I get to feelin' kind of mean and blue.
When my bed gets empty,
get to feelin' awful mean and blue.
The springs are gettin' rusty
sleepin' single like I do.

--Bessie Smith   Empty Bed Blues 

After about 5 days straight of being with each other, I now have been experiencing the empty bed blues.  Which sucks.  I wonder sometimes if I have separation anxiety--of course that diagnosis in the DSM IV is reserved for children--there is new research on the adult--I just don't deal well with separation..recollections of last summer for example.   I'm doing fine now--last night just sucked--most probably because I was worried since it was close to 10:30 PM & didn't know if Xing Fu had arrived at his destination OK.  I told him that other folk may not give a shit whether or not he arrived safely but since I cared about him, it would've been preferable to actually let me know.  Is that asking too much??  I don't think so...Intellectually I know that sometimes my feelings can be irrational, but they're there, ready to taunt me.  I think it is tougher at night--hence the EBB, & I know he'll be back, but I'm just uncomfortable is all.  

“What’s empty bed syndrome?” I asked curiously, pretty sure that I knew, but wanting to clarify because Anne was constantly coining new phrases.

“It’s how sometimes all you want is a warm body to cuddle with, especially when you’re used to having one—and when you don’t you really miss it, you know?” she replied.  (from Elle Magazine)

I really miss it. 

But earlier this week we passed another relationship test--we purchased something together for my house--a real sense of permanence--nice.  And New Year's Eve will be spent together--also wonderful.  But I still miss him even if he'll be back tomorrow.

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