What I Learned

Here we are, under sail--nirvana

Change your heart, look around you
Change your heart, it will astound you
I need your loving like the sunshine
And everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
--Beck 

I learned that for me sailing is my own personal nirvana & when the stepfamily situation becomes overwhelming I know that sailing will keep me sane (even if while racing things can be insane).  This past weekend taught me that not only am I obsessed (we all knew this) but also, there is probably no other place on this earth where I am as happy as when I'm sailing & if Xing Fu is with me--added bonus!  The friends I've made over the years doing this sport are priceless and I really do feel bereft as winter settles in & the season is over.  This may be my frostbite year.....or at least the Leftover Bowl Regatta the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  

I learned that as a stepmother I must have a place to call my own--someplace to heal & be me & that is out with my friends on the bay--racing, cruising, SAILING.  And my friend C says it best, "It is amazing how many things come full circle - relationships change, friends change, WE change, and you don't know it until sometimes it smacks you in the face...with a roast beef sandwich and cookies...if life is an adventure and sailing is an adventure, then the sailing life is happiness unleashed!"   

New Year, New Sail

Today marks another turn of a year--if you are Jewish (which I am).  It also begins the time of reflection leading up to Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.  And so, time to reflect upon my navel--anyone who's reading this blog (all 2 of you), knows that this year has been a huge one for change--but I'm not gonna talk about being a stepmom or moving in together, although that does require reflection at some point, this post is a reflection of sailing.  Right now, this oft quoted statement really fits & quite literally too:

"When you can't change the direction of the wind--adjust your sails."

Been a tough season for me as I've stated before & recently I think things have shifted--been out on a few different boats recently & I've come to realize that I really should trust myself more--that on occasion I actually do know what I'm talking about. Of course, I'm not saying that I'm really good at what I do--I will always be learning to be better (ancora imparo), but there is no reason to feel the way I have for most of this past season: that my stomach was tied in knots anytime anyone suggested that I go out on a new boat, & that I totally sucked at this racing-sailing thing.  And when you love sailing as much as I do, imagine how awful I felt most of the summer knowing that I didn't have a regular boat, thinking that any boat that I guest crewed on would make me rail meat because I wasn't any better than that anyway, & getting my hands on the spinnaker other than mebbe pole wasn't going to happen, or so I thought.  As the summer slips away, & fall breezes pick up--there has been a change in the wind--

The Oxford race was Saturday & even though the skipper decided that he wasn't going to race (20 knot sustained wind with some 25-30 knot gusts) & we were totally bummed--we made the best of it & drove down to Oxford for the party.  That is, myself & two other folks that regularly crew on the boat that I was supposed to be on.  We met Xing Fu after the race, had a blast at the party, went to a great dinner at Latitude 38 http://www.latitude38.org/, & then drove back to Annapolis.  But all was not lost, we all went out on Sunday & had a great sail--the moral of this is that I adjusted my sails & made the best of it--made some great new friends along the way, & got to play with my sail (the spinnaker).  I also have come to realize that I should trust myself when racing--that although I'm no rock star sailor, I can hold my own, would be an asset to many boats because I'm able to fill in for most jobs while racing(just don't put me on foredeck--I can do it but I'm no skinny minnie), & sometimes I actually do know what I'm talking about--jib foot is strapped, outhaul too tight...for example.  I think the epiphany came when one of our new friends (and a very soul sister vibe) said to me as we were leaving her house yesterday evening that she was impressed at how chill Xing Fu & I were flying the kite--we were both sitting with our backs to the rail, me on the sheet & him on pole & just kinda hangin' out, talking to each other & the driver about how shifty the wind was--making the necessary adjustments, & having fun making the boat go.  For me, trimming the kite is a very zen place--when that sail fills & you feel that catch, well, for me, it is nirvana--words just cannot describe it.  And that is what I mean about reflection--I am back to where I want to be~~my deep, love of sailing & desire to race & learn to be even better--adjust the sails & all of a sudden things look much better--L'Shana Tova everyone!