End-Of-Season Sigh

So this past Wednesday was the last of the Wednesday Night Races at Pirate's Cove.  It all switches to Sunday afternoons now for the fall series.  And even though I'll race some Sundays--they will be sporadic at best as there is just so much that happens on the weekends.  Of course this means that summer's officially over & there's just no getting around it.  There are a few weekend races coming up & the boat show next weekend so I will still get my sailing fix through October but after that I guess it will be time to hang up my foulies for the season (just can't wrap my head, or the rest of me for that matter, around doing frostbite).  So what will I do with myself over the winter?  Reading the Racing Rules of Sailing, finally going back to taekwondo (I've been soooo bad about that), waiting anxiously for the new Spin Sheet & Sailing World every month, & probably having long convos about our favorite obsession with Xing Fu.  Perhaps even a Raven's Game, live music....I'll fill the time but part of me will be out on the bay somewhere--sigh.

I am looking forward to the boat show--this year I'll be hanging with my boat & enjoying their company--it has been great being part of this crew & I know the boat show will be equally as fun.  I also look forward to seeing my cousins as well--they are exhibitors so it will be great to spend time with them too.  Last year my cousin & I really loved walking around with our Pusser's rum drinks--maybe a repeat???   I also need to get a few things--I want to get better knee pads (the J-30 just rips up my knees), possibly some foulie pants (I have bibs but would like the ease of pants), & some boots for colder weather sailing instead of my Keens.  Of course I enjoy looking at all of the boats--even the Benehuntalinas.  Just a great way to end a very full summer of sailing.  Perhaps this will be one of my last posts about sailing for the season---oh, who am I fooling??

We Will Get There

Today marked the first day back to work for me & of course as much as I do enjoy working for BCPS(S), it is always an adventure when I return--what works & mostly what doesn't work & who to call to get it to work the fastest.  And all the staff training--which bars me from the real work at hand--setting up my office for the new school year.  We will get there.

Adieu to summer & it was a deeply amazing one on many, many levels--much has been chronicled here of course but much has not.  In some ways I wish I could write here about those situations but in the interest of privacy I cannot.  I will say however, that those situations & individuals create a sense of black-out--I am in the shadows & only briefly peep through the curtains.  I know someday that will change but in the meantime it is hugely frustrating, but I feel that if handled correctly the reward will far outweigh my current sense of fringe dwelling & the disappointment that accompanies it.  We will get there. 

This weekend was a deeply emotional one for Xing Fu & I--wasn't necessarily supposed to be, but that's how it turned out.  I think in some ways there was a cosmic shift as it were--this is no longer just a short-term feeling(not that it ever was), but now we've really moved into the LTR.  So there are new feelings to be explored that have popped out for various reasons.  On Saturday morning we hit a real nerve--but, because we've started out talking about how we feel & being honest with one another, we were able to openly explore it--look at all angles & perhaps figure out root causes without allowing the hurt to creep in & muddy things up--I must admit that it was quite difficult to do & it takes a real trust in the other person to be able to navigate those swirling eddies & cat paws.  Even so, we had a boat to catch--practicing for Annapolis Race Week & we needed to get down to Galesville.  On the way we continued our exploration & I think we were able to figure it out although I still felt rather unsettled until about halfway through the day.  As we came to some resolution a very particular song began to play on XM--the one I posted over the weekend (Maybe I'm Amazed)--incredibly appropriate for what we had been discussing--amazing how these things work--and in particular between the two of us. Kinda blows my mind.  Anyhoo, went out on the boat & got very busy with the practice plus I was certainly distracted by the presence of Seamus who is joining us as crew for this race.  This is the first time that Xing Fu & he had really met face to face & had to negotiate their individual relationships with me--and I'm happy to say that it seems to be working out well...I certainly love the attention & it is a lot of fun--Seamus is very funny & quite the character.  Here is an example where the sailing community is a small one.  The day passed & I asked Xing Fu if he was feeling better about things--we both were & as I said--there was that almost tangible shift in my head.  I'm not saying that those feelings won't crop up again, but I think we'll recognize them & be able to tackle them a bit more easily in the future.  We will get there.

Sunday was another milestone of a sort(we seem to mark these quite a lot),  we spent the day in a rather domestic shade--shopping for the week, fixing some stuff in my house, mundane stuff--could be considered rather boring but as always we both enjoyed the simplicity.  Bodes well for the future & in the true sense of moving forward & thinking about the future--We are getting there.

September Song

"Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always
been the two most beautiful words in the English language."
- Henry James

What happened to my summer? I am sitting with the windows open, catching the fall-like air & already, aside from the crickets, I hear geese flying overhead (maybe it has something to do with the lake close to my house..dunno). Only a couple of cicadas chirp as if their voices are already withering with the approach of the fall months. September always brings mixed emotions--I always look forward to summer--not only because it is the wrapping-up of my work(school) year but because that's when my fun begins. Even if I do work all summer. It makes me somewhat melancholy as the pool closes & the racing season draws to a close--at least there's the fall series.

This summer proved to be as memorable as last but in a slightly different way. Just a reflection on my trip to Amsterdam--it seems so recent & not almost a month past.

And although I haven't gotten any closer to finding "the one" this summer, I am strangely OK with that. In a way, all of the intensity of the summer search has faded just like the summer. I am more of a mind of if it happens, it happens. I still want to find that person, & I still believe that I will--I guess I'm just not so urgent about it. Which may be a good thing. Time to focus on me again--back to the routines of TKD, riding, & running, not to mention the gym. Working on finishing my Master's in School Leadership & juggling the responsibilities of being an IEP Chair as well as the School Support Team chair. Leadership roles in my school are becoming very important for me. Still, I have a little feeling of weltschmerz--world-weariness. I love my summers & wish they were just slightly longer.....

"The summer days are fading, as they must
From endless hours to short and fleeting light
The bird's once bright, immortal tune, now cries
A melancholy aura to the dusk
The children fiercely climb, and dream, and race
Before their wild and unchained days depart
And yet beneath the zeal lies a half heart
For there isn't time, there's only enough space
The sun seems low, a hazy orange sphere
Now reminiscing sweetly of the days
When endlessly before you summer lay
And as in the deep, crimson dusk you stir
Your soul joins with the birds in wistful brood
Crying for lost summer days, for childhood."
- Shannon Georgia Schaubroeck, The End of Summer