Monday, August 23, 2010
We Will Get There
Today marked the first day back to work for me & of course as much as I do enjoy working for BCPS(S), it is always an adventure when I return--what works & mostly what doesn't work & who to call to get it to work the fastest. And all the staff training--which bars me from the real work at hand--setting up my office for the new school year. We will get there.
Adieu to summer & it was a deeply amazing one on many, many levels--much has been chronicled here of course but much has not. In some ways I wish I could write here about those situations but in the interest of privacy I cannot. I will say however, that those situations & individuals create a sense of black-out--I am in the shadows & only briefly peep through the curtains. I know someday that will change but in the meantime it is hugely frustrating, but I feel that if handled correctly the reward will far outweigh my current sense of fringe dwelling & the disappointment that accompanies it. We will get there.
This weekend was a deeply emotional one for Xing Fu & I--wasn't necessarily supposed to be, but that's how it turned out. I think in some ways there was a cosmic shift as it were--this is no longer just a short-term feeling(not that it ever was), but now we've really moved into the LTR. So there are new feelings to be explored that have popped out for various reasons. On Saturday morning we hit a real nerve--but, because we've started out talking about how we feel & being honest with one another, we were able to openly explore it--look at all angles & perhaps figure out root causes without allowing the hurt to creep in & muddy things up--I must admit that it was quite difficult to do & it takes a real trust in the other person to be able to navigate those swirling eddies & cat paws. Even so, we had a boat to catch--practicing for Annapolis Race Week & we needed to get down to Galesville. On the way we continued our exploration & I think we were able to figure it out although I still felt rather unsettled until about halfway through the day. As we came to some resolution a very particular song began to play on XM--the one I posted over the weekend (Maybe I'm Amazed)--incredibly appropriate for what we had been discussing--amazing how these things work--and in particular between the two of us. Kinda blows my mind. Anyhoo, went out on the boat & got very busy with the practice plus I was certainly distracted by the presence of Seamus who is joining us as crew for this race. This is the first time that Xing Fu & he had really met face to face & had to negotiate their individual relationships with me--and I'm happy to say that it seems to be working out well...I certainly love the attention & it is a lot of fun--Seamus is very funny & quite the character. Here is an example where the sailing community is a small one. The day passed & I asked Xing Fu if he was feeling better about things--we both were & as I said--there was that almost tangible shift in my head. I'm not saying that those feelings won't crop up again, but I think we'll recognize them & be able to tackle them a bit more easily in the future. We will get there.
Sunday was another milestone of a sort(we seem to mark these quite a lot), we spent the day in a rather domestic shade--shopping for the week, fixing some stuff in my house, mundane stuff--could be considered rather boring but as always we both enjoyed the simplicity. Bodes well for the future & in the true sense of moving forward & thinking about the future--We are getting there.