Reflections On My Navel

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

T.S. Eliot--The Hollow Men

I have been sick for the past few days & I think I've mentioned before how being sick makes me unusually reflective. There have been a lot of endings recently & the weather, decidedly blechy, makes me rather melancholic.

Today officially marked the end of my racing season. I would have sailed tomorrow but since I have this nasty URI, I don't think it's a bit smart to go out in 10-15+ knot winds, in 40 degree weather, with a steady rain, in order to prove what a woman-stud I am. I emailed the skipper & let him know & he replied that this was pretty much it & feel better--crew party in January, see you after that in the spring (at least I don't need to upgrade my foulies now--very expensive). It was an awesome learning experience & I met some incredible people that I wouldn't have otherwise, made some new friends that I'm sure I'll see over the winter--looking forward to sailing with them all again. So not out with a bang, but a whimper as T.S. Eliot would say. Ah well..all good things must pass & now I need to concentrate on TKD for a while.

Seems like fall has ended as well--I had to put the heat on today--scary. I looked outside & I felt like I was looking at a Baltimore winter scene: cold, wet, & bleak--not even the trees turning could withstand this weird cold-snap. I am not a winter person & always struggle with the bare trees poking into the steel-gray skies from November through March/April. Perhaps I need to think about moving somewhere where there are no seasons except summer....I think I'd miss the Chesapeake Bay too much--can't afford to be a snowbird quite yet--probably never.


Currently, I am sitting in my kitchen working out a recipe for chicken & soba noodles. Cooking is a good activity for me when I am reflective. I can make something & if it's bad then at least there's no one to complain or pass out false praises--i.e. the sauce is wonderful, maybe the chicken was a wee bit salty. I am home alone, my son being at his grandparents with a friend, & unusually I have nothing really planned for this weekend. My excuse of course is that I'm sick & need time to recover. I have to admit that I need more "alone" times without distractions. I spent the last two days in my bed, sick & although I was alone, the only reflection I did was to blow my own nose. Now that I'm on the mend I can take stock...poke my head around & pick the lint out of my belly-button, analyze it & change course if I need to. One of my girlfriends(& I am honored to call her a girlfriend)--the wonderful woman I met in Amsterdam, said something quite profound to me the other day--of course what she said exactly is now lost to history but it shook me--actually a lot of what she says to me shakes me. Again, she & others touch on the drama that I seem to crave. I don't like T.S. Eliot's rendition of how the world ends--I want the roller-coaster ride & I tend to create it over & over. Soul Sister said once I figure out why I may find what I want--in the meantime I keep this wall up called drama for a reason...I have a few days to ponder it & I hope I won't distract myself--I usually do...maybe after a dinner of chicken & spicy soba I may actually think on it.