Friday, March 11, 2011

On-line Dating Trials & Tribulations

Someone asked me recently (I think it was Xing Fu--probably was..), if I remembered all of my 50 first dates.  I thought about a little bit--and I think I remember most of them--I have a certain fondness for them all...a slight nostalgia if you will.  Do I miss it?  Mebbe a teensy, tinesy, little bit.  But so little that I hardly miss it.  It was a hugely interesting time in my life--not always all that fun, mind you, but most definitely, interesting.  In fact, a guy I think I went out with way, way, back circa 2006 or 2007, tried to friend me on Facebook recently.  Ewww. Most of the dudes were nice--I think out of all of the dates I've been on there were only a few total bombs.  Not a bad track record. And most of those dates were from on-line dating sites.  

I remember way back when in my college days reading the ISO adds & how anyone who did the on-line dating thing was desperate.  How that perspective has shifted.  I think I never would have met the breadth of guys that I did if not for the computer--never would have happened prior to the popularity of the online sites--I think I hit it at the right time--seemed to start to be a very acceptable vehicle to meet guys around the time of my divorce--2005. Quite sure I wouldn't have gone out as much either.  So that certainly is one positive for the online thing--perhaps the distance has skewed my perspective...

Anyway, I was inspired to write this post because I was reading a Facebook friend's own online trials via her wall posts & she posted this afternoon "Call me old school, but when a guy is trying to date me, I still like to talk on phone before a first date, not just texting! WTF LOL"  I think a phone conversation can be a good thing--gives an opportunity to see what you're getting into so to speak, but I got to the point that if all the dude did was talk or text & never actually asked me out, then that was a supreme waste of my time.  So cutting back on the phone or texting chatter made a lot of sense to me--just cut to the chase, dammit!!  I got to the point where I would say in an online correspondence, "Not much into chatting on the phone, more interested in meeting face-to-face & seeing if there's a connection."  Most guys appreciated that--if you ain't a good fit, better to find out real quick then to have planned your entire life together out via texts & emails & phone convos--that happened to me a few times--eventually I got smart about it.  Cus once you met & there was no connection, well, what are you left with?  Hours & hours of wasted time--being in my 40's --not interested in wasting that kind of time.   I wanna get to the good stuff!  Unfortunately for my online life there wasn't much beyond the first meeting.  Ah well. 


But I still insist that online is a great way to meet folk.  I certainly had those highs (Amsterdam) & lows (car break-down after Cirque de Soleil).  But in my case it was really "old school"--actually away from my puter--that was ultimately successful for me.  Xing Fu once said that this online dating thing was kinda scary--this was after I sent him the email from a dude on Match.com who let me know how much he liked my earrings.  Yeah, scary but also other-worldly.  I look back on it now & it's surreal.

3 comments:

notthemomma said...

Glad that the planets came to their senses and aligned properly for you and lucky Mr. Fu! I am sure it is inspirational to those still in the trenches to see a win.

UK Dating Sites said...

I really like reading your post.. I agree with you that online dating sites are best to make friends and know the people around you.. There are so many options available that you can opt any according to your comfort zone..

african girl said...

Online dating is really amazing because of that you will be able to meet new friends and even your loved one. There are some instances that you will really be depressed because you were not able to meet your man but don't lose hope because as long as you are alive there's still hope.