Friday, May 20, 2011

Just OK?

So according to this article I read online--many people are stuck in "semi-happy" relationships.  Pamela Haag wrote a book (Marriage Confidential) about these types of relationships & how to not stay in the rut.  She says that couples often settle for a "just ok" relationship--the question being, "Is this all there is?" Yeah, that's a toughie.  I think any LTR, be it marriage or otherwise, fights against that river current.  The romantic ideal--the feet floating above the earth, rapid heartbeat, etc., etc., just doesn't last--is that all there is when reality sets in? 

Glamour: You also mention that "children are the new spouses." How so?
Pamela Haag: When I grew up, there were times when adults wanted to be alone and have adult conversations, and kids were told to scram. Now kids are so often invited and have become the focus of family life, and that can negatively affect marriages.
Glamour: So how does one avoid falling into a semi-happy rut?
Pamela Haag: It's more about how you live in a marriage than whom you choose. I think people in happy marriages live like they're on vacation all the time, in the sense that they're paying attention to each other and trying to have some fun. Marriage should be enjoyable rather than just hard work.

Living like they're on vacation--finding things to do besides dinner & a movie for date night or sitting on the couch watching TV & ordering pizza.  Yup, I agree that is a major way to keep it lively. The quickest way to total dissatisfaction being too tired to go out. Get up!  Go sailing!  Heehee.  OK, if you get seasick, don't go sailing--but get up & do something.  It has been a year & a half & Xing Fu & I have yet to have a "traditional" date night--we've NEVER been to a movie together--it has now become a running joke.  What can we find to do other than that rut-producer?  Turns out--PLENTY!!  Going to the beach for the weekend for me is creating that alone couple time, geocaching, concerts & of course sailing...there's just so much to do--I think we do a good job of living like we're on vacation even in the midst of our responsibilities to our families & our work & anything else.  We make it part of our priority & I think it shows.  Good on us!

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