Winter's Solstice

The Didgeridoo

Climb the light the color of love
Aligned with the sign of the beautiful desire
One and other you and I
Entwined in the finest beautiful, beautiful, beautiful desire
--Beautiful Desire  Telesma


Vaycay is always filled with activities & usually the summer is the non-stop activity trip but I this vaycay, as it is inevitably & unfortunately drawing to a hasty close, has been chock full of stuff going on.  I wrote about the beach trip but I didn't share another part of the winter break--stuff that Xing Fu & I did alone.  

On the solstice, and the day after the world was about to end, Xing Fu & I went to a warehouse way out near Arbutus in a clearly huge industrial park to listen to a band we enjoy a great deal--Telesma.  For me, Telesma has some history.  Way back I've written about how each year there was a solstice party featuring Alex Gray painting & Telesma playing with lots of other performance artists.  The first year that I wanted to go, I ended up with the bizarre ex-preacher with 11 kids who couldn't even make it to the show.  The following year, Xing Fu & I were going to go but it snowed on the solstice & the show was pushed to February.  We eventually saw the show & it was amazing & wonderful.  It was great to go to see them on the solstice once again, three years later. 

It was definitely freaky-deaky driving there because it was in a warehouse way back of row after row of gray, squat buildings with minimal lighting.  Obviously not designed for a concert....but we found it & with a bit of trepidation, climbed the stairs into the nondescript warehouse--inside was Orion Studios--a practice/soundstage/studio for artists & bands. The room opened up with cool lighting & posters, a stage, artists painting, & lots of folk of all ages, types, milling about. There was even a cool face painter so I sat down & had her put lots of sparkle on my face (along with face paint). Also amongst the folk was an artist very similar to Alex Gray--Adam Scott Miller.  Kinda the trippy vibe that Alex Gray has--we looked over his prints & decided that one was perfect for our house--so we bought a reproduction painting entitled "Celestial Shore"  which Adam personally signed to me.  

Celestial Shore

Telesma hit the stage & Xing Fu & I were immediately caught up in their sound.  Lucky to have such a cool local band around.  Hard to describe them but I've seen them described thusly, "electro-acoustic psychedelic world dance music".  And on their website they self-describe as being able "to taste the color of sound."  http://telesmaband.com/      Regardless, we were enjoying the vibe and everyone was grooving together.  A great night for us and we have a little bit of the evening hanging on our wall now. Looking forward to more nights like this one for 2013. 

Obligatory Post 2012

Yup, end-of-year post--the obligatory blog post that talks about the review of the last year & what the hopes (resolutions) are for the New Year.  The events of 2012 for me & my family (both blood & blended) have been quite tumultuous to say the least.  From getting a house ready to sell, to selling, to moving in together--2012 was a very big year for all of us.  Adjustments all around--we are still figuring this thing out.  But over all it has been a good decision & as my son said, he is used to his "step" sisters being at the house & that when they aren't, it feels weird.  Good--that is what we're working towards.  

winter at the beach

A good example is what all of us did a few days ago (yikes, this vaycay has flown!).  We went to the beach for a few days.  Not so big a deal when written like this but we had 11 people at the beach!  BFF(J) & family, us (blended, less one skid), & two friends of skids.  I think it was a good time for everyone & we managed to fit all 11 of us around the table for a "family" meal.  And we all experienced the beach in the winter--some of us a little more than others--BFF(J)'s hubby decided that he had to wade up to his knees in the water---brrrr!  Like I said--this is an example when things work in the new family--there are many other examples when things don't quite, but hopefully there will be less & less of that into 2013....

So 2013....

My hope for us is that we continue to grow together as a family & that the bumps along the way get less & less bumpy....

A Happy & Healthy New Year to ALL!!

A Community Comes Together

“It was a fine cry - loud and long - but it had no bottom and it had no top, just circles and circles of sorrow.”
― Toni Morrison, Sula

 

 After the horror at Sandy Hook, it hard to even imagine how people up there can even come to terms with what happened at this elementary school.  And I am compelled to write about it with a little frisson of hope.  It hits very close to home for me, as I work in a small, community elementary school in Baltimore City that is often an open & welcoming place for everyone.  We grieve for these children & staff at the school & think about the "what ifs" at our own little school.  The thought of something like that happening makes my heart leap into my throat & my eyes fill.  It shakes me to the core.  

But the hope comes from what my little school did on Saturday for the kids & parents in our community.  Saturday was our Winterfest.  I thought as I got ready to go over to the school that there is some trepidation in opening the doors wide to allow folks in after the tragedy up north--fleeting but the worry was there. 

Instead, my "blended" family all jumped in to participate.  We all manned craft booths & games--Xing Fu was in charge of the bean bag toss & my son was setting up the snowman bowling pins.  My stepdaughters helped with crafts.  It was a wonderful & joyous sight to see--the community out & enjoying being at our school and even Santa made an appearance. I think we all had an amazing time--it felt good to give back & even though we grieve alongside the folk in Connecticut, we also realize that we must push on & demonstrate that overall people are kind & generous.  Thank you to everyone who sent toys to my school so that the kids could all take home a new toy & to those who came & made our little slice of Baltimore City Public Schools a joyous & festive place to be. 

Just OK?

So according to this article I read online--many people are stuck in "semi-happy" relationships.  Pamela Haag wrote a book (Marriage Confidential) about these types of relationships & how to not stay in the rut.  She says that couples often settle for a "just ok" relationship--the question being, "Is this all there is?" Yeah, that's a toughie.  I think any LTR, be it marriage or otherwise, fights against that river current.  The romantic ideal--the feet floating above the earth, rapid heartbeat, etc., etc., just doesn't last--is that all there is when reality sets in? 

Glamour: You also mention that "children are the new spouses." How so?

Pamela Haag: When I grew up, there were times when adults wanted to be alone and have adult conversations, and kids were told to scram. Now kids are so often invited and have become the focus of family life, and that can negatively affect marriages.

Glamour: So how does one avoid falling into a semi-happy rut?

Pamela Haag: It's more about how you live in a marriage than whom you choose. I think people in happy marriages live like they're on vacation all the time, in the sense that they're paying attention to each other and trying to have some fun. Marriage should be enjoyable rather than just hard work.

Living like they're on vacation--finding things to do besides dinner & a movie for date night or sitting on the couch watching TV & ordering pizza.  Yup, I agree that is a major way to keep it lively. The quickest way to total dissatisfaction being too tired to go out. Get up!  Go sailing!  Heehee.  OK, if you get seasick, don't go sailing--but get up & do something.  It has been a year & a half & Xing Fu & I have yet to have a "traditional" date night--we've NEVER been to a movie together--it has now become a running joke.  What can we find to do other than that rut-producer?  Turns out--PLENTY!!  Going to the beach for the weekend for me is creating that alone couple time, geocaching, concerts & of course sailing...there's just so much to do--I think we do a good job of living like we're on vacation even in the midst of our responsibilities to our families & our work & anything else.  We make it part of our priority & I think it shows.  Good on us!

Easy-going

As we move back into "school mode" a comfortable pattern is emerging.  On the evenings & subsequent mornings that we are together we both have said that our morning routine is rather refreshing.  Instead of getting up & going about the morning alone, it is a time to talk about plans for the upcoming day at our respective places of employment & share a quick breakfast.  It sets a positive tone for the rest of the day.  Equally I've seen our weekends together emerge in a similar way--and I'm not saying that there's a habitual or boring pattern, not at all.  It is as I have written: easy-going & fun.  An ease, a comfort that does not distract from the excitement of all that we enjoy together because there is quite a lot--even from forty-somethings with kids....the continued exploration of each other's psyches & seeing the fit.  Friday spent at Belvedere Square listening to music from the last summer concert series & drinking wine at Grand Cru.  Odd little aside:  We were standing with our arms around each other just listening to the band when a woman stops & says, "Get a room!"  She was carrying a container of french fries & ketchup & Xing Fu replies, "Can I have a fry?"  She says, "Sure, & have some ketchup too."   Fun exchange & quite amusing.

Music definitely figures prominently for us, which is a very good thing--major shared interest.  On Wednesday we listened to CSN sitting at Pier 7 with my kid in tow.  We brought dinner & a nice Sauvignon Blanc (Pomelo) to share & David Crosby even acknowledged all of the freeloaders.  Easy.


Yes, we've had some rough patches but we always seem to come back to center.  And even those patches are not long--we talk--communication is key--it is a theme that I hope not to forget.

The adventure continues....