All the stepmom articles, books, etc., love to point out how difficult the holidays are for blended families & I guess I'll get my real taste of that this year pretty soon. Right now, I was thinking about how a smooshed family such as ours looks at the various celebrations out there. My son & I are Jewish & light a Menorah, which we are currently doing in or window that looks out on all of the Xmas lights that I discussed in the last blog post. But Xing Fu's kids are Christian so do we put up a tree, hang tinsel around the house & sing Christmas carols? My ex is Christian & we never had a tree, deciding that his parents' house was enough tree & Xmas for the kid. I always bought a wreath--not one that was decidedly Xmassy, but one that sorta said, "Happy Holidays." We did the latkes & Hanukkah at our house. So at least he had both traditions. Now, in our new family dynamic, we discussed the tree possibility & decided that since his kids weren't going to be around for Christmas, who would appreciate it anyway? And, we don't have decorations for it either. I still hang the wreath, though. I like how it feels celebratory. So, the decision was no tree & no decorations. But, conundrum! When do we pass out the presents? And are they Christmas presents, Hanukkah presents, or some other variant like Kwanzaa? Hence, Christmakwanzakkah.
What will be our celebration? There's Yule. Which I just learned about at a Paula Poundstone show last Saturday. Couldn't have planted a better person in the audience than this dude! He celebrates Yule. Not the yule log but the celebration created by the Germanic peoples & apparently celebrated by neopagans. It falls on the 21st (the end of days if you're a Mayan) & runs through January 1st. Of course Yule was integrated into Christianity so there are remnants of course--the yule log, e.g. Yule is really a celebration of the solstice so that could be a fun time to have our family celebration....
Then there's "Festivus...for the rest of us." Created by the Seinfeld folk--Festivus is generally celebrated on December 23rd. There's the aluminum pole as an direct opposite to holiday commercialism, the airing of grievances, the Festivus Dinner, & the feats of strength. So here are a few other celebratory options. Now we just have to choose a day to exchange our gifts & have a feast....
If I see one more potato latke I'm gonna brechen...made 60 latkes for my son's Christian school so they could experience a little Jewish culture. Not a bad thing--there are about 10 of us making them so all of the boys can try. Oy, the smell in my house!
As most of my two readers knows, I rarely write much about my work on this blog--this is a forum mostly about my personal trials & tribulations. But I wanted to take the time to talk a little about where I work & the children I work for. I work in a Baltimore City elementary school. It is a small school & we often fly way under the radar (we actually like it that way) & rarely get noticed. Like most of the schools in the city, we are entirely a Title One school--many children come from poorer households & we do what we can to supplement the community. For example, we have a food bank, & we have many organizations who volunteer their time to help our students in the classroom & outside in the community.
Every year our school hosts a Winterfest for the students & their families & this year is no exception except that one of our major donors is unable to help in the manner that they used to. In the past they donated toys, books, games, & craft kits so that every child would go home with a present. In fact, they donated Santa Claus too. But this year, with the economy the way it is, the organization is just unable to do as much. A few of us on staff have posted on facebook the following:
"Hoping some of you may be able to help. I work
in an amazing school in Baltimore City. Every year we have a Winterfest
where kids have fun, food and games. Every child is given a gift to
ensure they get at least one gift for the holidays. However, this year
the agency that sponsors us is under financial constraints. If anyone is
able to buy a gift or gifts please message me. Thank you."
Within minutes I received numerous offers to help. I am grateful that many of my friends & family are able to help the students in my school even when some of these folks are facing the same financial constraints. Usually, I am rather disenfranchised with the whole holiday thingy which appears to begin these days the day after Halloween with ads already for Black Friday. The consumerism just makes me quite ill. This year, seeing the response that I have so far received, I am taken with most folks' generosity & willingness to step right up to the plate. Thank you to all of you who are willing to help my school's children receive a gift for the holidays.
but you do find out who your friends are....
It truly sucks to be an active person & then have all the wind knocked out of your sails--to use a well-worn phrase. I guess I didn't realize how much of a literal sucker-punch this apparent minor surgery would be. On Wednesday I went in for out-patient fully expecting to be right back in the mix of the hustle-bustle of Thanksgiving, etc., but I've ended up being home & alone a great deal of this holiday, with an ice-pack on my belly & Percocet on the brain. Part of me enjoyed the hours of watching Sex & The City reruns (I think my favorite is Season 4, Episode 1), & the rest of me just wanted to get all this over with! But as I sat in bed contemplating my current state of affairs, I struggled with the inevitable feeling sorry for myself as well as being so thankful (the holiday word du jour) for the folks who texted me, IM'd me, called, & visited despite the demands of their own families. But through it all I just wished that for once there was one person who would just take care of me...sigh.
But I do enjoy my coterie & it has provided for an excellent diversion just before going under the knife--some of my men have provided some nice memories...& yes, I wouldn't have met these characters if I'd been involved with one person. Perhaps I'm channeling Samantha now--at least it's not a vast wasteland of tumbleweeds....still...
**The picture was taken by my cousin in honor of me--I asked her if I could now gain admission...
Unetaneh Tohkef – This prayer is about life and death. Part of it reads: "On Rosh HaShanah it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed, how many will leave this world and how many will be born into it, who will live and who will die... But penitence, prayer and good deeds can annul the severity of the decree."Interesting how those words rang true on Sunday. Saturday was Rosh Hashana & those words are a very important part of the "Days of Awe"--the time between Rosh Hashana & Yom Kippur when Jews reflect on the past year, ask for forgiveness from those they've wronged, & generally become introspective about life.
On Sunday my BFF(J) had a birthday party for her son, my son's best friend. Of course it was a month late but who's counting? I brought out my son's other best friend because my BFF(A) had a game to go to with her other son but would be out later with the rest of the family. It was on the water & the boys enjoyed the usual fun: tubing, swimming, kickball, etc.
Later on, after the rest of the other boys had left and just the three families were left, my BFF(A)'s husband brought out the mega-fireworks. We were excited because he hadn't set any off for some time--the cops kept showing up around our neighborhood so we stopped. Also, we suspect one of our neighbors squealed. So he goes out to the end of the dock & lights this 100-shot firework. The boys were all sitting on the cement bulkhead, way back from the end of the dock, & me & my BFFs were standing in the yard, behind the fence. The first shot soars up & blasts apart nicely & that's when all hell broke out. The blast knocked the cake on its side which caused it to shoot off the next shots straight at us & the kids! We were swallowed up in a volley of sparks & explosions. The cake itself then shot off the edge of the dock into the water.
No one was hurt! Thank god. I turned to my BFFs & said, "Well, it looks like we are sealed for the next year." L'Shana Tova. May it be a good & sweet year--I know that I have spent the time since Sunday thinking about things & what I may need to do better for next year--it struck a chord for sure.
