Relax and Reconnect

Nothing is more important than reconnecting with your bliss. Nothing is as rich. Nothing is more real. Deepak Chopra

Wrapping up a beach weekend right now & reflecting on just how important it was.  Xing Fu told me he didn't feel quite like I did about needing to reconnect but once he got here & we sat in front of the fireplace at midnight, he said that it was a good thing that I put a lot of thought into "couple things" to do as he doesn't often think that way. Being at the beach was a good example.  I have to agree because even though he didn't feel the need as I did, I found it very necessary for the both of us (maybe he'll recognize this later).  We have been spending the past few weeks fully engaged in everyday living & have had fleeting times together for any real duration of time.  Just getting away for these few days has been hugely important--down time, R & R, whatever you want to call it--reminds me of us--who we are as a couple--it is necessary.  Xing Fu also said that the almost three hours in the car each way went by quite quickly--talking about everything & perhaps very little but it was quality time.  Both of us brought a couple board games (bored?) thinking that perhaps we'd play--Scrabble or something but as usual, we just ran out of time--again, if asked what we did exactly--walk on the beach, boardwalk, a nice dinner in town & evenings by the fire.  It's funny, but even as we sat listening to the end of a Stevie Ray Vaughn disc, I knew exactly what Xing Fu would choose as the next selection--Eric Clapton...kinda freaky but there's that connection--the synchronicity that perhaps we'd lost a bit of.  It was good to have it back again.

Growing Pains

 
Been a tough couple weeks on many levels--I've been thinking on it a bit & I truly believe that it has something to do with the fact that we've spent almost no extended time together for almost a month--good thing that we have a weekend coming up where we will go away, by ourselves, no kids, no work, no nuffin'.  Alone.  I'm pretty sure we need it...been a lot going on.  We've been together now about 9 months & at some point some of the initial luster wears off & the real relationship-building begins.  Yup, we can now safely label this as an LTR.  The commitment is unquestioned. And throw in a big relationship event which causes everyone involved huge amounts of stress & there it is--misperceptions, misunderstandings, irritation, etc., etc., & well--a steaming mass of potential pitfalls.  Good thing we talk about it & don't ignore it because as usual we seem to figure it out--we want to.  But once everything is now out in the open & there are no more mysteries--no more "who's that man behind the curtain" feelings & the understanding that this relationship is for real, & that all parties now get that, there's no turning back that we are here to stay.  It changes things--for the good & now perhaps I can take a deep breath & relax just a little bit & see where the next 9 months will take us.

Sleeping Angel

Take me if you need me
But never hold me down
You're asking me to trust you
Well there's little of that around
I'm trying to believe you
And I'm learning all the time
Two-part personality
The flower and the vine
Flower and the vine

Take me sleeping angel                     
Catch me when you can
Real love affairs are heavy spells
For a woman and a man
For a woman and a man

I need you because you let me breathe     
Well you've taken me away
But never take me lightly
Or I could never stay
No I could never stay

Well, someday when we're older
And my hair is silver gray
A braid with all of the love that you have
Like a soft silver chain

Whoa, someday when we're older
And my hair is silver gray
A braid with all of the love that you have
Like a soft silver chain
Well, like a soft silver chain

Oh, take me sleeping angel
Oh, catch me when you can
And a braid with all the love that you have
Like a soft silver chain

Just Friends--Part II

Which brings us to Xing Fu.  We were also friends first and for quite some time.  That is not to say that my initial attraction to him wasn't there--it was--I asked about him soon after I met him.  But, because he was married, & I have a rule--NO MARRIED MEN, there was no way anything was going to happen & therefore I was perfectly happy to be platonic sailing friends.  But certainly I have to admit that the sex thing, or at least the attraction thing, was there to even initiate a desire to be friends--so that is of note.  

An aside, Xing Fu had also been friends with another female sailing friend & had shared a room with her during a regatta weekend one year.  Purely platonic & was never cause for alarm as both of them were "off the market" as well.  And accordingly, not everyone is a slave to their baser instincts anyway.  On Slate there is reference to a Dear Prudence letter with a similar set of circumstances. Essentially, a woman writes in that her boyfriend & his platonic female friend are going share a hotel room during a conference. Problem was, the writer didn't want that to happen because she suspected a little hanky-panky might happen.  People just suspect that something will happen even if there's nothing to fear--kinda sucks because it's not always about that.  Referenced here: scroll down to see the letter   

http://www.slate.com/id/2254228/

Anyway, I digress.  With regard to Xing Fu, I would have been perfectly happy to continue as was--we certainly had much in common to be "cross-sex" friends & I was happy with that, even if I did wonder as time went on & he was a perfect gentleman in every way.  But, as circumstances changed, so did our platonic friendship--so there it is...just like in Hollywood.  And this just friends thingy--well, I'm on the fence there.

Just Friends?

Been doing some research recently on the man-woman friends thing--always been intrigued by it so recently a mini-series on Slate Magazine (Strictly Platonic http://www.slate.com/id/2268709/) piqued my interest.  The author, Juliet Lapidos, explores modern "cross-sex" friendships & discusses the history of why this type of relationship is a recent development.  Which makes complete sense--historically men & women have been very segregated until quite recently--the structure of roles, society, etc.--when was there an opportunity for men & women to be "just friends"?  She also talks about how Hollywood has certainly influenced our perceptions of friendship with the opposite sex.  The classic "When Harry Met Sally" comes to mind--and the statement that Harry makes,"Men & women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."  So what do I believe?  Does the sex part always get in the way?  I think that yes, perhaps it does, in some way, but it doesn't always play out that way in the friendship.  It just depends.  So here are my thoughts:


I have a male friend that I've talked about--Zen Cyclist.  He's like my brother & like part of the article by Lapidos, we talk about everything & I can get a really good impartial male perspective: 

"But when men and women start hanging around each other platonically, they meet somewhere in the middle in terms of emotional exchange. Research shows that cross-sex friendships are more emotive than male-male relationships and less emotive than female-female ones. In my own survey of nearly 600 Slate readers, I heard from men who said that what they like about their cross-sex friendships is the ability to share without fear of judgment, and from women who said they valued the opportunity to watch sports, for example, without having to pick apart their feelings."   

I totally agree with this--we hang out, talk about our various relationship stuff, & chill--like guys.  But this was only after we got the sex stuff out of the way.  At one point we decided to try it out--I guess that there was enough sexual tension at the time between us to give it a go & we were both in between relationships--bleh!  It was like kissing my brother! And we both felt like it was like kissing a sibling so neither of us had any unrequited issues.  That is one example of this platonic relationship between sexes & yes, there was the sex thing at some point... 

And we are great friends now with no sexual tension whatsoever--in my humble opinion, perhaps sex does play a role but you can get beyond it in some cases...

14 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Happy | Hybrid Mom

14 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Happy | Hybrid Mom

We do many of these....good thing!

End-Of-Season Sigh

So this past Wednesday was the last of the Wednesday Night Races at Pirate's Cove.  It all switches to Sunday afternoons now for the fall series.  And even though I'll race some Sundays--they will be sporadic at best as there is just so much that happens on the weekends.  Of course this means that summer's officially over & there's just no getting around it.  There are a few weekend races coming up & the boat show next weekend so I will still get my sailing fix through October but after that I guess it will be time to hang up my foulies for the season (just can't wrap my head, or the rest of me for that matter, around doing frostbite).  So what will I do with myself over the winter?  Reading the Racing Rules of Sailing, finally going back to taekwondo (I've been soooo bad about that), waiting anxiously for the new Spin Sheet & Sailing World every month, & probably having long convos about our favorite obsession with Xing Fu.  Perhaps even a Raven's Game, live music....I'll fill the time but part of me will be out on the bay somewhere--sigh.

I am looking forward to the boat show--this year I'll be hanging with my boat & enjoying their company--it has been great being part of this crew & I know the boat show will be equally as fun.  I also look forward to seeing my cousins as well--they are exhibitors so it will be great to spend time with them too.  Last year my cousin & I really loved walking around with our Pusser's rum drinks--maybe a repeat???   I also need to get a few things--I want to get better knee pads (the J-30 just rips up my knees), possibly some foulie pants (I have bibs but would like the ease of pants), & some boots for colder weather sailing instead of my Keens.  Of course I enjoy looking at all of the boats--even the Benehuntalinas.  Just a great way to end a very full summer of sailing.  Perhaps this will be one of my last posts about sailing for the season---oh, who am I fooling??