Being sick is no fun...I think I've said that before. But because I was sick I missed out on racing last night. I felt pretty awful having to tell my kid that we couldn't go. He was pretty recovered but I had a temperature & was alternating between shivering & sweating. I don't like grinding to a halt. I lose my momentum & usually it forces me to have to actually re-evaluate things in my life. Like actually think about my circumstances, etc. And when I'm sick, I usually don't think nice thoughts about myself. Instead of the glass half full which is my usual frame of mind, I tend to wallow in the half empty zone. I was determined not to go there because all it's been recently is the ongoing bleh-dating conundrum. And the still oft-quoted advice by well-meaning folk of "You have to be happy being alone first." This from people who have been married for years. Truth be--I am happy with myself--work in progress, but still I am VERY different from where I was even 1 year ago & am still moving forward. I wasn't racing a year ago, wasn't riding a year ago, not on the verge of earning my 2nd degree blackbelt a year ago...just because I don't have a partner in crime right now doesn't make me any less of a person. But even as I say this, and after a conversation with a co-worker who happens to be very pretty, way younger than me, & has no prospects either, we both agree that being alone at times sucks. Not all the time, but sometimes, & we are both SICK TO DEATH of people telling us to be ok with ourselves first. So it ain't just me.
I was moaning on my death-bed about the unfairness of not being able to race when I just happened on an HBO series that was pretty cool. Even if the setting happens to be right next to South Africa. Specifically, Botswana. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency in case you haven't figured it out. It is way cool. In fact, my son started watching it as well & he became massively addicted too. Not only does it give a window into completely different culture than our own, but it puts things in perspective. What's important.
Racing on Saturday. I WILL be there. What's cool is I'm crewing on a boat that's racing against my Wednesday night boat. Very interesting....can't wait! Party afterward.....