Maude: Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're
bound to live life more fully.
Harold: I haven't lived. I've died a few times.
Maude: A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really.
They're just backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance.
Get hurt even. But play as well as you can.
From: Harold and Maude, 1971
I have loved Harold & Maude since high school. The theme of living life with all its roller coasters & not sitting back & watching life just pass you by is very important to me--I reference that idea quite a bit & similarly it is the theme of another one of my favorite movies, Garden State where Andrew Largeman awakes to live his life. I often thought that before my divorce I lived half empty & was watching my life pass me by--I woke up when I decided that living in my marriage was not me--I didn't like who I was & I knew I needed to become the real me--to find happiness. I write about this movie because a couple of days ago, I shared it with Xing Fu. I've also shared Garden State as well. I have wanted him to see how these movies & themes have motivated me to live my life in a half full mode--even when things look bleak & the roller coaster is at the bottom, I know that there is so much out there to experience--the good & the bad--embrace it all because life is short & you're only given one (unless you believe in reincarnation). Yeah, I know, hackneyed phrases abound here, but truly, I believe strongly in being in the thick of it. Anyhow, after a week of being apart, we spent an entire week together--another couple of tests & reaching out for a half full mindset.
We spent the weekend after a great Arcade Fire & Spoon concert at Merriweather, at my folks' beach house with my family (my kid is home!!)--always a potential for a pitfall. While kayaking on Saturday, we saw, & possibly hit with our paddles, a 3' wide skate--freaked us a bit as it was just as startled as we were & it flipped away rather frenetically. Very cool. But I think the highlight of the weekend was when Xing Fu grabbed me as I was helping my mom & stepsister prepare dinner for the masses & began dancing with me around the dining room--spinning around--my mom asked where the music was & I replied that Xing Fu made his own--I liked that my mom experienced our happiness together. She's certainly heard about it from me, but seeing it first hand was important.
After leaving the beach on Sunday, we took a detour (my dad's suggestion) to Chestertown for lunch. We remarked that yet again, we have seen many bodies of water during our various travels. It was quite beautiful sitting on the deck with my dog at our feet, having a nice lunch & watching the boats-a skipjack was at the marina--the Elsworth built in 1902. We discussed the rest of the day & I thought that perhaps Xing Fu would suggest that we part ways that evening as we hadn't been apart the entire week, & he did say that he thought that he'd want to go home to his place & spend the evening alone, but instead he didn't want to do that--he'd rather be with me--it was nice to hear that. We hadn't tired of one another--we just have so much fun together--even the quiet times. He is very good to me--I say that to him a lot--it is important because I think both of us have hidden ourselves from the pain of past relationships & being able to trust each other & be vulnerable shows that we are building a deep bond. I'm glad we're there for one another that way.
Just a fantasy of mine--tomorrow is the much-anticipated Spoon concert down at the 9:30 Club in DC. I've really been looking forward to it immensely as Spoon is one of my favorite bands--anyone who reads this blog knows that simply because I often post Spoon lyrics here. I can't wait to share this great band with Xing Fu. I haven't been back to the 9:30 Club in about a year--ever since Nada Surf, actually. Going back down there gives me a lot of mixed emotions--especially since Spoon is a shared favorite band of a certain other Taurus I knew...so my fantasy is this:
Since it is entirely possible that I could conceivably run into the Bull at this concert, I think it would be just awesome to walk up to him & tell him that he lost--he lost me & now I have a wonderful guy who would NEVER treat me the way the Bull did. "So now you've won." http://boyfriendplease-sailorgrl.blogspot.com/2009/03/if-hes-sleeping-with-another-woman.html
That statement comes from the last text I received from the Bull.
Actually, I did.
I was dreaming in the driver's seat
When the right words just came to me And all my finer feelings came up
Always out on some witch's hunt
For the one who never lets me want
Before you know it it's all fuss
Sometimes I think that I'll find a love
One that's gonna change my heart I'll find it in Commercial Appeal
And then this heartache'll get chased away
--Spoon Finer Feelings
It has been a very good weekend. It started with a MAJOR migraine all day Friday, but I must agree that even though I was suffering, my weekend started early.
I got my Spoon tickets!!! Both shows sold out almost immediately, but some dumb luck that particular ticket-buying site wasn't blocked by the work computer filters. I am so excited! Just one day earlier I had bought tickets to see Nada Surf. I saw them last year with the Bull, had written about how they had done just OK, so I figured a second look was worth it from a new perspective since I did enjoy them still. Even more interesting was what prompted my post about synchronicity. I had been sitting on my bed reading the Baltimore City Paper and came across Sonar's ad. Alex Grey was back on after being snowed out last month. I turned on the computer so I could send Xing Fu an email to tell him it was back on. I opened my email & sure enough there was an email from him, explaining that he was just reading the City Paper & came across the Sonar ad! Serious synchronicity! So now I have 3 months of concerts to watch: Alex Grey in February, SPOON! in March, & Nada Surf in April--Yehaw!
But that's only the tip of a far more wonderfully intense weekend. "Good things come to those who wait." Certainly an oft repeated saying, but it holds true. Good things definitely came to me this weekend in the form of Xing Fu and the realization that synchronicity can happen between two people, amazingly so. I spent most of my weekend somewhat giddy & many people noticed, especially at wine tasting. Goofy smile aside, I kept thinking of another oft repeated phrase, "You snooze, you lose." SM certainly kept asking me what was up. I told him nothing, really, but I'm quite sure he knew. I guess I owe him an explanation & perhaps I'll tell him soon, we'll see.
Anyway, last night I invited Xing Fu over for a visit. Upon entering my house he said, "I hope you don't mind if I watch the game--cable isn't hooked up yet." I answered, "So you only like me for my HD-TV?" Game? What game? I am a seriously happy chickie right about now.
