Year One

"If this is what we’ve got, then what we’ve got is gold
We’re shining bright and I want you, I want you to know.."
--James Blunt, Stay the Night 

This weekend marked the first year that Xing Fu & I have been together.  We both realize that this is really just the beginning, but we acknowledge that it has been a great start & feel that we're doing this right--hopefully learning from our mistakes in past relationships & applying it to ours.  This weekend was not only a time of celebration, but also one of reflection.  We did talk about the past & what we do differently now--it's proven to be a very good strategy--and I'm continuously amazed at how compatible we are on so many levels--I said that last year too.

Busy one too--I can't believe how fast the year went--& the weekend.  Friday, in celebration, I finally opened one of the last bottles I brought back from California--a beautiful 2005 Pinot Noir from Acacia--made even better in that it was a limited release from the Beckstoffer vineyard in Carneros and cannot be obtained outside of California.  It was truly phenomenal--a match for our celebration. I cooked two dry-aged rib eye steaks from Ceriello's at Belvedere Square on the grill--a great match & another sentimental throw-back to last year's dinner that I made the first night we were together.  And then, in homage to the list of couples who play together, stay together, I challenged him to a Scrabble game & proceeded to beat the pants off him (too bad we didn't play strip Scrabble).  Laughing all the way.

Saturday brought us to an early wine tasting with the BFFs because of the Raven's game being held right in our usual prime time wine tasting--such a sad loss but it was less so as it was spent over at my BFF(J)'s house and spent amongst great friends.  Again, in celebration, I brought another beautiful Pinot Noir.  This time from Hartford Court--Hailey's Block vineyard--a 2007.  After the game Xing Fu took me out for a proper anniversary dinner--everything was great & so easy with him--and the conversation is always interesting.

And on Sunday, we added to the list--we took my son & his best friend bowling.  And I was surprised to find that Xing Fu is quite the bowler--his own ball & all--so he proceeded to beat the pants off of me.  He was so cute to watch when he knew he would get a strike--his body language just radiated--I just enjoyed watching him being happy to score well.  Another great weekend...to start another great year for us.  In an email this morning:
"Another great weekend for us.  Way cool."  My response, "Way cool indeed."

Reflections

I think I've mentioned in the past how this time of year I tend to get kinda reflective.  It seems like in the past events seem to occur this time of year & this one is no different.  Yeah, it's girly-girl of me but I can't help myself.  I start looking at old emails, old blog posts, & generally become slightly pensive--not in a bad way, just thoughtful.  

This time last year I was decidedly single & lamenting kissing all those frogs--I am in such a different place now & it all happened rather quickly.  I went from talking about my "circlers" to being in a very serious & committed relationship in about a month's time.  I'm truly liking where I am now--and I like my frog prince too.  


We met for lunch last year & I had given Xing Fu a little gift for the holidays--it is actually his namesake on this blog.  I used to have the Chinese symbol for "happiness"  hanging from my rear view mirror on my car--a little jade/glass number & when I pulled up to meet Xing Fu for lunch I saw it & thought that he really needed a good dose of happiness in his life because it was looking pretty bleak for him at that time.  We'd been friends for a while, having met sailing the previous April, & I never like seeing any of my friends in distress.  (Incidentally, one of my Asian friends told me I should never give away my happiness--I am somewhat superstitious & have since replaced the symbol in my car.)  So I pulled it off my mirror & gave it to him, never realizing that I would become part of his future of happiness, & mine as well.  

 And so it goes--I'll say it again, I am a mushy female & so we are meeting for lunch tomorrow to commemorate (?).  This time I hope to actually remember what I ate.

Domestic Bliss?

Xing Fu remarked to me the other day that we were being quite domestic these days.  I asked him what he meant by that.  He said that recently we've spent more time around the house & hanging out.  He also added that perhaps it was a new phase of our relationship--a level of comfort with one another.  Certainly correct--I think I said that in an earlier post.  In terms of hanging around the house--we did chill Friday night & watched Robot Chicken.  Particularly the episode that took the "Laff-A-Lympics"  & turned them into "Laff-A-Munich"--gotta love the twisted take on those Hanna Barbera cartoons.  That happens to be a favorite of mine--very oddball humor--makes sense in my case.  Actually, we watched that & an episode of Aquateen Hunger Force.  Since we rarely watch TV at all, it was rather domestic, I suppose.  But there's more evidence....

There were a lot of activities that we needed to attend to over the weekend--kids' games (my kid is playing soccer, e.g.), grocery shopping....I had a paper to work on & I had a visit from a friend to go over some educational stuff for her kid--so we were in & out quite a lot.  Although Saturday evening was rather activity-laden.  We went to a Sukkah hop that friends of mine had & then to an Oktoberfest party that one of Xing Fu's former co-workers hosted--so quite busy--certainly like most of our weekends together.

But I gotta say that yes, I agree with him--there was a "domestic bliss" about our time together this weekend.  It was nice--a change of pace--a deep breath after a very fast-paced summer...I liked it.  

Milestones

Significant in relationships are all of those little mile markers.  And we seemed to cram quite a few into our weekend.   Hadn't really thought too much about it--going to the beach for the weekend--until Xing Fu said that he was a bit nervous about it.  Strangely, I wasn't--I'm usually a big worrier--will we get along, will we get bored with each other, etc., etc.  I did bring a couple magazines along with me--never opened 'em...we just were busy & involved in each other.  Xing Fu brought magazines as well--his concern was that we'd run out of things to say to one another...HA! No need to worry--it was a phenomenal weekend--came back just feeling even more sure of where things are headed. 

On our way back from the beach we went to the Spin Sheet Crew Listings Party in Annapolis.  It was an opportunity to find a boat to race on together..not sure if we've found one, but it was a start.  It also marked a kind of "official" public outing together amongst mutual friends/acquaintances--another milestone.  I think I was actually more nervous about that then being at the beach. 


And yet another marker is the start of the Wednesdays on the West River.  I can't wait--I've certainly missed being out there on the water...but again, what a difference a year makes.  Last year my son & I joined a boat down on the West & that's where Xing Fu & I met.  It seems impossibly far away...never thought this would happen between us...but here it is...and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

What a Difference

A year makes.  

Last March....was hell right from the beginning.  We received the only real snow of the year that second of March & that was the day I shoveled my entire lot plus my neighbor's because I was just so pissed.  That was the day that at long last my time with the Bull came to an abrupt & needed end.  Looking back on that relationship I can see what not to tolerate.  But because it was my first long-term relationship after my marriage I didn't understand that I deserved to be treated waaaay better.  I get it now...and thanks to the Bull for that--yup, I am thanking him for getting out of the way.  Did he break my heart?  Yesterday Xing Fu asked me this question.  I paused for a while to give it some thought....my answer was that I wasn't sure, perhaps.  I think I truly believed I was in love with him but....even from the start I knew that I never saw a future with the Bull as much as I really wanted to---so I always held a part of me back.  So, in answer, no...not heartbroken--just a bit battered & bruised....

The universe works in funny ways...I sit here happily a year later knowing full well that all of that angst has paved the way for I what I truly believe is right.  And am I holding anything back?  Nope, no way!  The level of respect is front & center...I am treated like gold.  When the Bull claimed last year that he "Got me", all I can say now is "Yeah!  Right! What a raft of...."  Getting me is who's got me now...sometimes a little freaky how close we are; but always wonderful.  Karma.

Oh, Wow!

I was dreaming in the driver's seat
When the right words just came to me
And all my finer feelings came up

Always out on some witch's hunt
For the one who never lets me want
Before you know it it's all fuss

Sometimes I think that I'll find a love
One that's gonna change my heart
I'll find it in Commercial Appeal
And then this heartache'll get chased away

--Spoon Finer Feelings



It has been a very good weekend. It started with a MAJOR migraine all day Friday, but I must agree that even though I was suffering, my weekend started early.

I got my Spoon tickets!!! Both shows sold out almost immediately, but some dumb luck that particular ticket-buying site wasn't blocked by the work computer filters. I am so excited! Just one day earlier I had bought tickets to see Nada Surf. I saw them last year with the Bull, had written about how they had done just OK, so I figured a second look was worth it from a new perspective since I did enjoy them still. Even more interesting was what prompted my post about synchronicity. I had been sitting on my bed reading the Baltimore City Paper and came across Sonar's ad. Alex Grey was back on after being snowed out last month. I turned on the computer so I could send Xing Fu an email to tell him it was back on. I opened my email & sure enough there was an email from him, explaining that he was just reading the City Paper & came across the Sonar ad! Serious synchronicity! So now I have 3 months of concerts to watch: Alex Grey in February, SPOON! in March, & Nada Surf in April--Yehaw!

But that's only the tip of a far more wonderfully intense weekend. "Good things come to those who wait." Certainly an oft repeated saying, but it holds true. Good things definitely came to me this weekend in the form of Xing Fu and the realization that synchronicity can happen between two people, amazingly so. I spent most of my weekend somewhat giddy & many people noticed, especially at wine tasting. Goofy smile aside, I kept thinking of another oft repeated phrase, "You snooze, you lose." SM certainly kept asking me what was up. I told him nothing, really, but I'm quite sure he knew. I guess I owe him an explanation & perhaps I'll tell him soon, we'll see.

Anyway, last night I invited Xing Fu over for a visit. Upon entering my house he said, "I hope you don't mind if I watch the game--cable isn't hooked up yet." I answered, "So you only like me for my HD-TV?" Game? What game? I am a seriously happy chickie right about now.

The Waiting Game

"You might be experiencing a great deal of emotional confusion today, dear Cancer. There is a debate brewing inside you, and you are having a hard time deciding whether to pursue the practical or the fanciful. Looking to others for help may only add to the pot of confusion that is stewing on the back burner, so take other people's advice with a grain of salt. If nothing seems clear to you, then wait out the storm, and proceed when you have a better handle on the weather."

Funny, how things go. "Good things come to those who wait." I am not good at waiting for things I want sometimes; especially when they are right in front of me & my heart is racing. I find it hugely frustrating & my impatience tends to get the best of me. And looking at the horoscope above I must say that I am in an emotional upheaval of a sort. (Funny, I think I posted my horoscope last year this time as well...just thought I'd mention it.) I am also feeling things I haven't felt in a while...


Xing Fu has a way of drawing me out. But we have to wait & I respect greatly why we do. It doesn't make it any easier--this "trying to be adults" behavior, but I know it is massively important that we do because this has the potential for something--I sense it intrinsically. It was terribly difficult not to touch him, to reach across the table. As our lunch ended, we couldn't help ourselves & our fingers entwined.

Silver Lining

And I was your silver lining
High up on my toes
You were running through fields of hitch-hikers
As the story goes


Hooray hooray
I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray
But now I'm gold

Hooray hooray
I'm your silver lining
Hooray hooray
But now I'm gold

And the grass it was a ticking
And the sun was on the rise
I never felt so wicked
As when I willed our love to die

Silver Lining--Rilo Kiley

I think Saturday was a turning point in many ways. I feel like I finally saw the silver lining so to speak & the sun came out after the storm to mix as many hackneyed metaphors as I can. Of course the black belt test signifies a new beginning, etc. but what I'm really referring to here is about my break-up. A friend of mine once remarked that in a few months time I'd be ok. That was back in April I believe & at the time I was still struggling with what happened with the bull. I have to admit that I was in love with him & such an abrupt ending ain't easy. In fact, it seriously jolted my self-esteem, my ability to judge myself in a positive light & my general happiness. People may say that I should never allow a man that kind of power but I challenge anyone to tell me that after a blow like that, & it had nothing to do with physical appearance or specific problems as a couple, just his lying, cheating self, that they don't feel a little less jaunt in their step, or struggle to feel normal again. For the past few months I feel like I've been living in a bit of a fog (I know, I know, another hackneyed phrase) but that's truly how I felt--I'd go through the motions of thinking I was ok but never really being ok.

So, as I woke up on Saturday, I just felt so much better--to quote the song--I was the silver lining & now I'm gold. The little flirty me was back & feeling quite cocky again. It felt great. Again, do I miss things--yes. But I'm fine with it. The little turn of the knife when I remember things that I liked, or stupid silver volvos, or hearing Spoon, well--I have a smile now because it was great. It was an explosive & fiery relationship & I'm glad I went through that agony & esctasy. Yes, he still is a sociopath, & yes, what he did to me was reprehensible, but I gotta admit it was one pretty awesome roller coaster ride. I can only hope that the next relationship I have is as explosive & fiery but driven by genuine love and caring. I'm quite sure it will--

It's all good, er gold.