Intelligent Dating

Yesterday a friend of mine posted a link to this article on facebook entitled: 
If A Man Wants You by Salma Rumman.

Such truisms were never said better. In fact the first statement really says it all: "If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away".

Via http://www.divinecaroline.com/22065/35337-wants#ixzz1hD2NiCcY

How true.  I've read that all over the dating advice sites, books like He's Just Not That Into You, & Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, & just about any guy friend I quizzed.  The advice also applies beyond the man having finally decided that he wants you--it's also how he treats you & how you allow him to treat you.

As I looked at these statements & reviewed my dating life before Xing Fu & cringed a bit because I so recognized my behavior.  I allowed so many ill-mannered behaviors, but I think as one of my friends said, "Those guys were part of your transition team."  Yes, they were--because now I know & expect to be treated with respect & not make the excuses, & concessions for poor behavior.  I really hope that my friend who originally posted this article to facebook follows the advice & prepares herself for the great guy I know is out there for her & only her. And, I absolutely agree with the article that dating is fun--it most certainly can be, if you relax & let it.   I think I'll label this advice "Intelligent Dating".

I also loved this article for recognizing & reminding me about the great guy I have now--he sometimes infuriates me, confounds & confuses me, but he does seem to encompass most of what I am looking for--almost two years out, in my partner. And as the article states, "Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything you need."  So not an issue--woohoo!

But the best statement for the already committed (heh, committed=crazy?) is, "You should not be doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street."  Compromise, Communication, & Cuddling--the 3 C's.  YUP.

"I Love You Because..."

Read an article in Redbook magazine recently that I think is a really good reminder of positive couples communication.  Often, after reading these self-help articles, I think to myself, "Yeah, that's kinda obvious."  But frankly, I think that we often lose sight of what appears to be obvious in print.  Anyhoo, the article is entitled: "When was the last time you & your guy ______?"  It lists many activities but the ones that stood out were the fill-in-the-blank answers of "held hands", "really made out",  "cooked a meal together", "danced", and "said I love you because".  All of these build communication in some way & re-ignite the connections that we may sometimes take for granted, but I really liked the last one as did Xing Fu.  In fact he reminded me of it tonight when we spoke and it has since inspired my first post of 2011.  We often say to our significant others (boyfriend, children, family members & friends) that we love them.  Usually it's that quick, "Love ya'".  While it is certainly nice to hear--a very specific reason is much, much better.  It builds the appreciation for that person that you are saying it to.  In the article it is specific to a significant other but why not say it to your kids, parents, etc.  We don't show our loving appreciation enough--and as the new year begins, it seems like a timely occasion to let those important people know. 

I liked the other fill-ins as well--what I like in particular is that many of the suggestions, Xing Fu & I do already.  I can only hope that in the new year we continue not to take one another for granted & continue to fully enjoy where our relationship grows.

Finally, I hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve; mine was spent with some of my favorite people watching some damn fine fireworks from the Baltimore harbor.  All the best for 2011.

Additional Proof

I like to think that we've got it right & when I come across these little "love advice" excerpts, it reiterates those feelings of rightness.  So here's another one:

From Yahoo & Match:

 

“Ironically, it was our first argument that made me realize we clicked as a couple. One night when my boyfriend and I were newly dating, we had a dilly of a disagreement on the phone. But instead of hanging up, my boyfriend made me stay on the line for four hours until we’d worked through it and communicated our sides fairly. His rule was ‘never go to sleep angry’ and by sticking to that we were able to move forward rather than break up. Now we’re engaged.”
— Regina Petruzzi, Reston, VA

Love lesson: How you deal during your low points means a lot. “The key to dealing with the lows is riding them out with your partner, as Regina’s boyfriend insisted on doing, rather than running away from them,” says Hamburg. “The main reason couples’ fights don’t get resolved is because they can’t stand the anxiety that comes from finding themselves in conflict with the person they love.” That’s why couples who can deal with tiffs without losing their heads have it made.   

I have always said that communication is key--I truly believe that it is--makes for no confusion about where things stand, no trying to guess what the other person is thinking, & even better, getting to a resolution, & moving on--no running away.  

I also appreciate that we tell one another exactly what we do appreciate about one another--those affirmations are important & make us closer.  We remind ourselves also that we don't want to get to a point where we take those things for granted--like morning emails, or bringing dessert--even the smallest gestures that some would think are quite mundane are expressions that show love.

"Am I glowing?"  Of course!