Relationship Trends 2011

So this time last year I wrote about trending break up days--apparently December 3rd-6th are big ones for those non-committers out there.  You know who you are--too cheap to buy a present which reads "LTR" all over it, too shallow too handle the parties where you have to introduce this person as your "girlfriend" or "boyfriend".  Yup, been there, done that.  So hurry up--if it's gonna happen, now's the week to do it!


I read a little meme on on MSN-glo about the relationship trends of 2011 by Natasha Burton.  See here:
http://glo.msn.com/relationships/relationship-trends-from-2011-7643.gallery

In particular I was reading that the trend for marriages is way down for the first time in America.  People are either waiting longer to wed or just deciding that marriage just isn't in the cards for them.  According to the glo article: "...the formality of marriage appears to be taking a backseat to simply creating a happy, stable relationship."  Interesting for me to read as a lot of people ask me whether or not Xing Fu & I will tie that knot.  Well, I think both of us would say, "Been there, done that" & that we follow the trend of "creating that happy, stable relationship."  

Further findings have been the effects of fatherhood.  In fact scientists have found this year how much becoming a father does change the man.  Funny, when my ex & I had my kid, I really didn't see too much change--he was just as irresponsible as he was before kid.  One of the qualities that draws me to Xing Fu is his responsibility to his children & just how great a father he is.  


The other interesting "trends" are lower divorce rates but increased use of cheating sites like AshleyMadison--so because of the economic downturn more folk are staying together but then more folk are looking for satisfaction outside of their marriages to compensate for their lack of marital bliss.  I get it, in fact one of my old "beaus" has in fact decided that he can't afford to divorce & he & his wife are co-habitating.  And perhaps all of these unhappily marrieds are sexting their hook-ups--yes, another trend that has seen an uptick.


As 2011 moves into the history books remember the last trend: that if you missed getting married on 11-11-11, you can become the new trend for 12-12-12.

Waiting

I am currently reading The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides (really liking it thus far, btw) & have been fascinated by his use of Roland Barthes' A Lover's Discourse: Fragments in the novel.  I am struck by Barthes' analysis of love--his descriptions of the feelings one may have as he/she falls in, out, develops unrequited love, desire, & passion.  Many feelings he writes about are echoed by all of us--I challenge anyone not to agree.  Interestingly, it is one part that Eugenides excerpts that struck me quite viscerally.  It was about waiting.  I HATE to wait for anything.  I am extremely impatient (strangely though, when I was teaching very emotionally disabled kids, I was the utmost in patient--people would comment on that in fact). So, when I have to wait for Xing Fu, which I often end up doing, I get anxious & agitated.  Some of the exact descriptions that Barthes has indicated.  Following is a piece from that "fragment" on waiting:

Waiting

attente/ waiting

Tumult of anxiety provoked by waiting

for the beloved being,

subject to trivial delays (rendevous, let-

ters, telephone calls, returns).

...Waiting is enchantment: I have re-

ceived orders not to move. 

I am stuck in a holding pattern--I cannot go forward & therefore it feels like my spirit is squelched in some way--maybe it means giving up control & all the anxiety that goes with that.  It is exquisitely painful for me.  And why am I always the one who waits?  What's up with that?  Is it that way for most of us--that there's always one who waits for the other?  Which brings me to another quote from Barthes:

The necessity for this book is to be found

in the following consideration: that the

lover's discourse is today of an extreme solitude. 

Yes, Barthes is correct, these feelings that one has usually occur in solitude; in our minds & nowhere else.  The absence of a lover, love, unrequited love, etc.--historically, writings about love are all about that.  The waiting (for something to happen or to see the person, e.g.). God, I hate to wait.

  

 

The Waiting Game

"You might be experiencing a great deal of emotional confusion today, dear Cancer. There is a debate brewing inside you, and you are having a hard time deciding whether to pursue the practical or the fanciful. Looking to others for help may only add to the pot of confusion that is stewing on the back burner, so take other people's advice with a grain of salt. If nothing seems clear to you, then wait out the storm, and proceed when you have a better handle on the weather."

Funny, how things go. "Good things come to those who wait." I am not good at waiting for things I want sometimes; especially when they are right in front of me & my heart is racing. I find it hugely frustrating & my impatience tends to get the best of me. And looking at the horoscope above I must say that I am in an emotional upheaval of a sort. (Funny, I think I posted my horoscope last year this time as well...just thought I'd mention it.) I am also feeling things I haven't felt in a while...


Xing Fu has a way of drawing me out. But we have to wait & I respect greatly why we do. It doesn't make it any easier--this "trying to be adults" behavior, but I know it is massively important that we do because this has the potential for something--I sense it intrinsically. It was terribly difficult not to touch him, to reach across the table. As our lunch ended, we couldn't help ourselves & our fingers entwined.

From the Belly of the MVA Beast

Heard as I was waiting for my number (D129) to be called, "Sitting here is enough to make you lose your religion". Which prompted me to speculate if heaven was set up like the MVA: "Number A201 go to window 9. Number H76 go to window 43." I can just see all these folk sitting on the rows of metal benches clutching numbers imprinted with PGA (Pearly Gates Administration) and numbers. You shuffle off to a window to confirm that you get to enter. Some people get right on through but the rest of us dumb bastards get sent to other windows to be "judged" for worthiness. You wait one HELL of a long time.

Yes, I wasted a whole day at the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration in Glen Burnie. Yes, I am very bad at paying off old debt that can be attributed mostly to my ex-husband, who has no job & lives in Illinois with his newly minted family--who all incidentally live off of SSDI or SSI & therefore no one can go after him for acquired debt. Because after sitting upstairs for an hour and a half waiting to pay & find out exactly what was owed, I found out that it was his car that was the problem--not mine. Yes, the gift that keeps on giving--all of his debt is still mine--even after divorce! Because, well, we WERE married at the time so I own his old debt in order to drive my car now. Of course I also had to pay off a speeding ticket I received in Montgomery County this past summer on my way to visit... And an old parking ticket from Baltimore County. That parking ticket forced me to drive back up to Towson with my expired tags, & pay the ticket in person because God knows why, if Montgomery County can take a credit card over the phone & fax a release for the ticket to the MVA, Baltimore County won't process it until the next day. So in order to get my new registration & sticker, I had to drive back in the pouring rain & pay in cash to get that release paper. Again, upon my return to the MVA, I had to wait yet again. By this time they were on D200. So my number was decidedly out of place--although I did see a D29 come up--guess they had far more tickets to pay. All in all I visited 3 separate windows to gain that elusive 11 sticker for my car. But it's nice to be legal even if I'm now broke...again. The state of Maryland loves my ass.