Just a Passing Thought

Sometimes things rear their ugly selves. I happened to be listening to my ipod on the way to pick up my kid from the folks & this song was playing just as I had a moment of weakness. It just made me smile cuz it rang so true.....

Everytime we make a plan you find a way to show-up late
You lost your time, you say: relax baby don't lose your mind, well you put me on
Don't you think I noticed when you strolled away to take that call, said out of state
You faced the wall, your voice felt faint yeah ya' put me on

She might please you, miss whoever
She might lead you to think you're too clever
She'll deceive you, you best forget her
Cause whoever miss whoever is she ain't me

--She Ain't Me by Carrie Rodriguez

Now I feel better.

Not a Bene"slow" this time!

Yesterday was the SCC Spring Regatta. I was fortunate to be crewing on a Beneteau that was fast. Or at least we did an awesome job. The wind was a steady 17-19 knots which was perfect this boat & the tactician really had a great feel for the course, the flood tide, & the wind. We flew!

There were two races & we were up against a few Js which can always prove hazardous. The first race was particularly exciting because one of the Js almost plowed into us. They didn't even see we had the right of way & didn't give way even after our helmsman screamed "STARBOARD!" about a million times. We had to switch course to avoid collision & then & ONLY then, he saw us--we lost about 5 boat lengths on the leader & we were never able to gain it back after that fiasco. Our protest flag went up right after that & then at the conclusion of the first race, the tactician called in the formal protest to the committee boat. Very much an adrenalin rush. Great fun.

The second race really couldn't have been too much better--if the first race was a practice for the crew, this one was excellent. We made very few mistakes--I was in the pit again so I'm getting used to the spinnaker now. I used to race non-spin class so the spinnaker is pretty new to me--but there is nothing more beautiful than watching a perfectly flown kite....

As it happened, we took second for both races so the skipper was quite pleased with us.

Crewing on all these boats has been incredibly interesting. Sailing people really are a motley crew--no pun intended--really! Usually a bunch of guys, & maybe a few women. At least one of the men is old & has been out in the elements forever--raced for thousands of years--heavy smoker & drinker, but you can't ask for a better crew member with this guy--put him anywhere, he knows what to do. Always a bunch of young bucks just out of college getting ready to do offshore stuff, some married guys who are escaping, & the owners--married--the only other female on board. And then there's me--there aren't a lot of me's out there--kinda like the marrieds but not, & kinda like the young bucks but not entirely because I have much more responsibility in my life than they do... It is much harder to crew on a boat when you're the only female--I'm finding I like when there's at least one other woman on with me; it makes it easier to relax. I always feel like I'm being judged way differently when I'm out with a bunch of men. Everyone I've crewed with so far has been incredibly nice though & I've really enjoyed meeting all these sailing folk.

I would like to find a boat to call home though...I guess that will happen eventually--yesterday was very odd because BOTH of the other boats I crew on raced too. One was in our class & we beat the pants off 'em & the other was in another class but I saw them a few times while we were getting ready to start. I'm beginning to get to know the other boats out there--at least by name. I look forward to meeting the other crews too.

I love all this racing I'm doing, but my shoulders, knees & butt are killing me....moving on the tack is hell on the knees & butt; especially with the Beneteau dots on the deck--OWIE!!

Did pick up a decent Musto jacket at Annapolis Performance Sailing before racing--& it really came in handy early on. Now I gotta get the pants so my knees will be saved.

Looking forward to my next opportunity to get out there--hope to crew somewhere for the Miles River next weekend....

Finally, I Breakthru

Being sick is no fun...I think I've said that before. But because I was sick I missed out on racing last night. I felt pretty awful having to tell my kid that we couldn't go. He was pretty recovered but I had a temperature & was alternating between shivering & sweating. I don't like grinding to a halt. I lose my momentum & usually it forces me to have to actually re-evaluate things in my life. Like actually think about my circumstances, etc. And when I'm sick, I usually don't think nice thoughts about myself. Instead of the glass half full which is my usual frame of mind, I tend to wallow in the half empty zone. I was determined not to go there because all it's been recently is the ongoing bleh-dating conundrum. And the still oft-quoted advice by well-meaning folk of "You have to be happy being alone first." This from people who have been married for years. Truth be--I am happy with myself--work in progress, but still I am VERY different from where I was even 1 year ago & am still moving forward. I wasn't racing a year ago, wasn't riding a year ago, not on the verge of earning my 2nd degree blackbelt a year ago...just because I don't have a partner in crime right now doesn't make me any less of a person. But even as I say this, and after a conversation with a co-worker who happens to be very pretty, way younger than me, & has no prospects either, we both agree that being alone at times sucks. Not all the time, but sometimes, & we are both SICK TO DEATH of people telling us to be ok with ourselves first. So it ain't just me.

I was moaning on my death-bed about the unfairness of not being able to race when I just happened on an HBO series that was pretty cool. Even if the setting happens to be right next to South Africa. Specifically, Botswana. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency in case you haven't figured it out. It is way cool. In fact, my son started watching it as well & he became massively addicted too. Not only does it give a window into completely different culture than our own, but it puts things in perspective. What's important.

Update:
Racing on Saturday. I WILL be there. What's cool is I'm crewing on a boat that's racing against my Wednesday night boat. Very interesting....can't wait! Party afterward.....

Where There's A Boat...There Ain't Me (Right Now)

I wish I didn't feel like crap. If I felt any better I'd be excited about this week. As it stands, all I can do right now is crawl into bed & hope that this cold thingy passes fast because racing with a cold totally sucks! I have the Wednesday Night races at the West River & then racing on Saturday out of Annapolis. I want to be well which is why I'm curtailing tonight's activities at taekwondo. Both my son & I are suffering--he didn't even want to see Star Trek yesterday! Of course this nasty spring weather hasn't helped one bit & also racing in the cold ain't too much fun either..along with the cold.

Additional disappointment was the fact that my parent's boat wasn't ready for Mother's Day either after all the mishaps with the hull paint, etc. The sails needed to be rigged & that didn't happen until today so yesterday was spent high & dry with nary a sailboat to board. I was only able to stare at them wistfully from my folks' balcony in the inner harbor. And as much as I love the pics my cousin posted on Facebook about the Antigua Sailing Week, I so wish I was there too--it looks like it was a blast. Can anyone tell that I'm jonesing for a sail?

Rain, rain go away.

Anthropological Fish Study

Scene: Contrived on-line dating local party/meet n' greet for ages 35-50

Characters: Me & M, various tubby over 50 balding dudes, 1 decent-looking sailor, 2 or three other seemingly decent guys

Act One: I really didn't have any expectations & I wasn't too disappointed. We arrive a half hour too early & hang out at the restaurant bar. It appears that another guy was too early too & was sitting listening to our convo while we had a glass of wine. My friend was talking about my various activities & how she thought that was great & I was talking about hoping that meeting a man like the sociopath wasn't the best I could get. It just sucks that we had so much in common & enjoyed together & yet, so far, no other guy has come close. Maybe at least I will meet some cool sailing buddies with all my racing activities. But, I digress. So we were eyeing the guy at the bar & figured he was a bit odd but not that bad looking so we were hoping that the other guys would be at least on par with him. We decide to mosey on over to the party....my anthropological study begins.

Act Two: We walk in & are immediately assaulted by the number of pudgy obviously-older-than-50 year old guys. There really was only ONE guy I would be remotely interested in & as it turns out he was a sailor from Annapolis. He seems to zero in on the two of us as well & the three of us have a nice conversation with him. We can't decide which of us he liked, but as he really was the only guy of interest, we walk over to a table to talk. As soon as we get there, we are surrounded by about 4-5 other men. They are at least within the appropriate age but do nothing for us on sight. My friend says one of the guys grew on her though but he didn't ask for her number. He DID tell us that sailordude was a player though. Seems that a lot of the guys who were there go all the time. They all know each other & their business. Like which chickie has a crush on which dude & how he doesn't like her but has a crush on her friend. It wasn't really my scene & my friend & I decide to leave. Sailordude walks us outside but also didn't ask for either of our numbers. Ah well....at least I learned that that kind of social singles party just ain't for me....just a bit discouraged though==like I said, I truly hope that balding & pudgy isn't the best I can get....they're all game fish--throw 'em back!

OW, OW, OW--Sports Injuries

I need to remind myself that I'm not 20-something anymore. I love to ride but I found myself on the ground with the wind knocked out of me tonight. I was going over a fence & was riding a new horse so I wasn't as sure about his jumping style yet, so he jumped big & I was left (which I hate). I thought I had it--thought I could remained balanced, but SHIT!! Off I fall & hit my head & my ass. I know my ego is probably more bruised than my ass but I HURT! Ah well--the hazards of doing lots of sports. Now I'm not sure if I'll be able to spar tomorrow in Taekwondo because my head is sore as well as my hip. If I can't spar then that may be a problem since I am getting ready for my 2nd degree black belt test in June & need all of the practice I can get. Plus I've committed to racing every other Wednesday & would miss the sparring next week. Again, the complications of doing many different sports. I'm just thankful that I can do these sports--but maybe I need to remember that my body isn't as forgiving as it used to be...

Racer X

Another weekend down & once again sailing figures prominently. Back down in Annapolis--becoming my new home. Never used to venture there very often but now I'm finding myself there quite a bit. I think however that I might try to see what's around in Baltimore for racing too--the driving is a bit of a pain. I spent part of the day in Annapolis pricing out foulies...whew...I really wish I still had my old ones because gortex Mustos are a wee bit pricey for my blood. There should be a poor sailors' donation store where those who can afford the latest Mustos etc., can give their old gear to those who can't. Since I haven't been racing for a while I need to re-outfit. I don't need to have all the latest gear, but I do need some specialized stuff, especially in this very rainy spring we've been having. I did leave with a pair of Camet shorts so I guess I did OK. I would have to pick two of the most expensive sports: sailing & horseback riding. Ah well....

My son & I were supposed to help my folks with their boat. It was scheduled to be put back in the water on Thursday but the marina messed up the bottom paint so now they have to wait. We were going to get it squared away for the season--cleaning, doing minor repair stuff but I guess it will be next weekend just in time for Mother's Day. Perhaps we'll get it to a point where we can take it out for the holiday, providing it doesn't rain. My folks are decidedly fair weather sailors--cruising all the way at this point. But my dad was quite the racer back in the day--Annapolis was his home town. So if all goes well, the Beneteau (or Bene-slow as some of the racing folk say) will be ready for the season soon--not sure how patient I'll be on that boat after all the adrenaline these past few weeks but at least I'll get to sit & watch the scenery--something you NEVER get to do when racing.

With all this emphasis given to my various activities & also to my son, I really haven't had too much time for socializing with men--other than the crews on the boats. Interestingly, some of the comments I've fielded from potential dates have centered on the fact that I'm too busy. "How can I fit a man into my very busy life?" Jeez--I guess they expect me to be waiting around for them or something; pining for the fjords apparently. So NOT me--if I'm not involved with someone I am a busy woman. And when I am involved, I will make room for that person. Just maybe the next time 'round I'll make sure he's worth making that time.