Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Underdog of Multiple Meanings

But you won't hear from the messenger,
don't wanna know bout something that you don't understand,
You got no fear of the underdog,
that's why you will not survive! (Hey!)

Spoon--The Underdog

Not flogging a dead horse, or bull, but I still reflect on last week's
explosion with a great deal of sadness.People may say that it's
time to move on & I am, but I still sigh a lot, tear up a bit, & try
to find what was good in what occurred.
It ain't easy. I like the piece from the song above--it is especially
appropriate on numerous levels. First of all--it was a favorite band
of the two of us, it was my ringtone for
the bull, & the lyrics themselves just call out for interpretive
application to the situation & people.

This blog serves a great purpose. If we take the Bull's interpretation
of relationships as winning & losing, then I am the underdog here.
I never meant for what happened as deliberate or i
ntentional--it was all purely accidental, but it
definitely outed some very bad behaviors. The Bull continued to
harass me to take this blog down & blamed me (& it), for what
happened to his sorry ass. Telling me that I was cruel for not
doing it, trying to bully me & make me feel guilty. Then he changed
his tactics--imploring me, wheedling me & then saying that
I should "do the right thing".

So in an effort to move on, I have a date today.


Incognito said...

Not trying to sound like a mother here, but I think you are pressuring yourself too much to move on quickly. How can you from such a devastating loss? You need time and deserve to take the time.

And, here's my two cents, if you are able to take the time to look inside of yourself first before just moving onto another relationship, it may help a lot in your seeing what made you vulnerable to someone like D. in the first place and to be able to pay closer attention to the red flags in case there is a next time.

For me, looking at my relationships with parents, siblings, grandparents, etc., helped so much in helping me to realize the type personality I am and why I was wide open to someone who would abuse all the good things about me.

I'm glad that you're ready to move on and date again, but pay attention to the lingering sadness as it is a testament to more work still needing to be done. Good luck.

baltimorediary said...

There are several good points above, dearie.

I remember seeing once that the usual ratio for being "over" a relationship is roughly half the length of that relationship, e.g. if you dated for a year then it takes about six months to really bounce back. It's certainly not a hard and fast word of law, but it's a useful rule of thumb.

In the meantime, you need to allow yourself the opportunity to be sad, to mourn, to get pissed and beat up that TKD target just a little harder than do all the things that one typically does. This relationship ended with a bang rather than a whimper, and it's not as though you can go with the "tear it off fast like a band-aid" analogy here.

I had a few other things to add, but they wound up sounding like so much Dr. Phil bullshit, so I'll just say that I backspaced over about three times as much stuff as you see here. But one last piece of advice: Let Blogger do the carriage returns and you worry about the paragraphs. (-;

Incognito said...

Hey, Baltimorediary; you're quoting the "Sex and the City" rule of getting over a breakup. Granted, even though it came from a sitcom, I think it makes sense. Thanks for bringing it up.

baltimorediary said...

I'm not taking credit, but I heard about this long before SATC came along, plus I don't think I've seen more than a few episodes in their entirety (I have this weird memory of the phrase "funky spunk", which I'm pretty sure DID come from that show).

Believe it or not, I think I first read about it in the newsgroup, where I was pretty active around 1993 or so. I do recall one RL friend from that group, however, who discovered that someone she'd met online was nicking her personal comments to him and using them in television scripts. See how these things come around??