Learning Each Other

So let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for?
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown 

Let Go--Frou Frou 


I still haven't quite finished the Lori Gottlieb book, but I am continuously struck by what she has to say.   I was reading a bit yesterday & came across some advice that a Rabbi gave to her.  He said, "Many people, I believe, have an inability to believe that other people work differently.  We don't realize that you have to learn someone in the way that you learn a subject.  You can't do it only by feeling.  You actually have to listen to them when they tell you how they work.  That's a very counterintuitive thing to do because we all trust our instincts about people, but you really can be very wrong.  Your instincts are based on people you know, and the person you're getting to know is not your mother or your ex-girlfriend or your sister."  It is so true--he goes on to say that people give up too easily & really miss opportunities to really get to know someone.  I think in the past, I may have been done just that, not listened & learned the other person.  I think I'm doing right this time.  We are learning each other & it does have bumps in the road.  But I think we do listen to each other very carefully & we do talk it out.  As a result, I know I'm more willing to compromise about things that may rattle me a bit.


An example, most days we send a couple emails back & forth to one another--sometimes about planning something, sometimes just to say, "how are you?, etc.  Today, I sent an email early in the morning regarding upcoming concerts that I'd be interested in seeing.  One band had a presale opening at 10 AM & I wanted to try to get the tickets as soon as possible--if it was even a possibility with scheduling anyway.  No response.  Ok, not too unusual, so I figure he's very busy & I usually get a response a little later--day goes by & still nothing.  By the end of the day, I was a bit concerned because I do usually get some response--it may be brief, but there's at least something.  But no--already a bit off-kilter about another issue completely unrelated to us, & having to do with my son, I of course get into my head again.  


Learning each other--when he does call, on his way home, he tells me that he was extremely busy & really pushed a lot of his private life aside--singlemindedness here--wasn't personal & nothing was wrong.  But I listened to what he had to say & then I think he listened to me--that even a short note is important--that nothing in response is unthinking & causes me to stress.  I think we both get it--this may be a small bump, but how each of us moves forward from it, knowing that we've learned a bit more, can only help when the bigger bumps occur--and they will for sure...