Soul Mate Redux

Excerpted from:


Dating 101: Have You Found Your Soul Mate? 10 indications that you may have found The One By dating expert Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.

So chances are, there is more than one person out there who fits the bill for you. All of them are less than perfect. But if there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether to stay or go? Here are 10 relationship markers to help you know if he or she is The One:

1. When you're together you feel like you've come home.

2. You feel like your partnership was meant to be, as if kissed by destiny.

3. In your communication with each other there is a rapid "knowing" of what each of you means.

4. You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family life.

5. When you're together the world seems like a better place.

6. Your mood is elevated when you're together. It's not necessarily passion or excitement, although that's there too at times.

7. When you look at him/her you see a part of yourself that's been missing. Perhaps it's her assertiveness or his joy of adventure. But it's something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.

8. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.

9. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.

10. Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people.

Don't worry if you don't feel all 10 of these things when you're with your partner. That's where the imperfection comes in -- either in you or your partner. If you are experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you are matched well. Over time you can work towards having all of these qualities. Couples who have lasting love find that their relationships get closer and better over time. And that process has been my privilege and good fortune to experience personally -- after a lot of hard work that continues to this day!

Bottom line: your chances of finding The One are better than you think. So go out there and start looking. Love almost always comes in a surprise package that opens up in marvelous and magical ways.

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This article spoke to me on different levels.  One, because a lot of what is on that list resonates with me--coming home for example--huge.  Two,  because like Gottlieb, Kirschner also says that looking for a soul mate has caused many people grief & often people have overlooked someone who may be ideal but not have everything on the list.  And Three, relationships grow--if you work towards it--but that work doesn't need to be work when communication is open & honest.  In other words, looking at number 10, being together makes you work harder to overcome the bad habits--if holding emotion & feelings in instead of discussing them was the norm, now perhaps, learning to tell your partner what's going on is a change that you work hard to maintain.  

I like Kirschner's message--it seems a bit more optimistic than Gottlieb's.  

And I love the list...especially because after looking at it, both Xing Fu & I see that we have way more than 6.