Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Meet the Parents

Jack Byrnes: I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.

--Meet the Parents

It is a far different perspective that I had when I met Xing Fu's mother from the one when I met my ex-husband's parents. When I was far younger & meeting my ex-husband's parents, I really don't think I cared about the impression I gave them.  In fact, I hazard to think that I may have been more interested in rebelling against any parental control than making a good impression.  And a decidedly negative view ensued & continued over the many years we were together.  It is unfortunate that I was so immature that I did not recognize the value of creating positive relationships with the people I inherited from my marriage.  It was only after our divorce that my relationship changed significantly with my former in-laws.  I think we got to a point where we appreciated what the other had to offer, especially with regard to my son.  The point of this is that I am certainly at a far different place now when confronted with meeting Xing Fu's mother.  We had a discussion about this, as we always do, & what it was like for him to meet his past relationship's parents, etc.  We both understand now the value of creating a positive impression & as a result, our behavior has changed significantly.  I pointed out that I felt I was way, way younger then & didn't understand the importance then, nor did I care-he agreed.

We both have met the other's parent/s & have been received favorably--quite a change I think.  I was very nervous about meeting his mother--I felt that it was very important that she approve of me & my son--otherwise she would not be as supportive of our relationship--we need all the support we can get from the significant people in our lives as there are many out there who'd love to see us fail.  For my folks' part--they are thrilled that Xing Fu is a sailor & that he is a responsible & caring person--and that he makes me happy & is so good to me.  All pluses.  My sister certainly approves--another test.  My ex was the ultimate failure with my family & it became a point of contention between us.  The Bull failed miserably with my close family, except for the extended parts, & my immediate family's collective thoughts were, "O god, here we go again, another jerk who doesn't get it!  When will she learn?"  I have learned--and as a result, everyone of significance on my side of this relationship approves.  The next big test is looming in June when my entire family will be in for my son's Bar Mitzvah.  A hugely scary prospect, indeed.  But as we approach most everything in our relationship--together--it will be great!

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