Monday, August 2, 2010
Checking The Horizon
Yup, I'm a very impatient person. I am no good at waiting so last week was terrifically difficult. Of course thanks to everyone who lent a hand in helping keep my sanity--or not. But this post isn't about the trials of last week as I think I've written just about enough about that. Instead I am writing about another book I just finished. Seems to me that I get handed these books on relationships & dating & I feel the need to comment on them as they apply to my own life these days.
Anyway, this book is on the bestseller list at B & N--The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Actually my BFF(A) introduced it to me last week & I read it during my exile. It was an easy read & it spoke to me quite a bit--I think it's directed more toward married folk but it still holds true for any long-term relationship. He states that each person has a way that they would like their significant other to make them feel loved. They fit into about 5 categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, & Physical Touch. So someone may need to hear that they're doing a good job as a parent or in their profession, etc. for words of affirmation. Or a person needs significant time spent with the other person engaging in conversations or activities, etc. Acts of Service could be stuff done around the house--I suspect that my BFF(J)'s hubby is all about that. And the Physical Touch isn't just the obvious--it can be a good back rub or just a quick hug. It makes a lot of sense to me that couples can sometimes lose that component of their relationship after they've been together for a while--& newly dating people usually seem to hit all the highlights because it is so new. I'm glad that I read it--brings insight into what I seem to need from my significant other--and it helped me to realize one of the major parts that was missing from my own failed marriage--we just never recognized what the other person needed although I'm still unsure what my ex's "love language" was. It certainly wasn't mine. Chapman also states that a lot of couples have far different ones--someone may be thrilled by his or her spouse bringing gifts but the other may like when chores get done around the house as an expression of love. So learning which is important is key. There is a survey in the back for the man & woman to take to learn what their styles are.
So I took my half earlier this week & wasn't surprised by my results--too much--I was spread just about dead even across three: Words, Quality Time & Physical Touch--& the touch was the highest (by one point) which surprised me a bit--but as I thought about it I then decided that it made sense--I had often complained to my ex about the lack of physical interaction (not just sex) and how much that used to upset me. So I figured y'all are wondering if Xing Fu took his half or just made light of it as some guys might....
One thing that I really appreciate about him is that he doesn't make light of these things I read or talk about regarding relationships & feelings, etc. He doesn't shrink away from them either--it really helps us to get to know each other better & grow our relationship closer. So in answer, yes, he did take it & wouldn't you know--our scores are pretty much exactly the same--needless to say we weren't too surprised by that.