Moldy Oldie

Something in the wind has learned my name
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch
of the breeze
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me.

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope
that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same
for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here.

--The Carpenters  

The above song lyrics were sent in an email from Xing Fu.  He told me that he was singing the song in his head just before we woke up on Monday morning.  Such an incredible feeling to have, knowing that I make him feel that way & that he wakes up singing.  Can't ask for better.   Often, we marvel at just how compatible we are--we both get into looking at lyrics to favorite songs and setting them as a soundtrack to our lives--I know I've written about that before but looking at all of those compatibilities, I'm just amazed--both of us are.  

On Saturday it will be our one year anniversary.  Xing Fu says he doesn't hold dates as important like I do, but for me dates are a big thang.  I remember last year & how I had a sense even before our relationship changed from friendship, that this was going to be something big.  There was an undercurrent that took my breath away & when our relationship did change, I think it knocked us both--wonderful & it gets better almost a year later.  

I sent him an email today--I had read something on MSN that couples who play together, stay together.  I copied most of the games listed in the article & how that benefits couples.  He added that I had suggested geocaching & that was something we've both enjoyed together.  Of course, we have a Scrabble challenge and we've yet to hold the tournament....He told me that he appreciates me because I'm always thinking about these kinds of things.  I like that he will read articles that I find in magazines like Cosmo or Redbook that I think will enhance our relationship & will take them seriously & be willing to try suggestions.  I hope that we continue to enhance each others' lives for many, many years to come.

Checking The Horizon

Yup, I'm a very impatient person.  I am no good at waiting so last week was terrifically difficult.  Of course thanks to everyone who lent a hand in helping keep my sanity--or not.  But this post isn't about the trials of last week as I think I've written just about enough about that.  Instead I am writing about another book I just finished.  Seems to me that I get handed these books on relationships & dating & I feel the need to comment on them as they apply to my own life these days.  

Anyway, this book is on the bestseller list at B & N--The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Actually my BFF(A) introduced it to me last week & I read it during my exile.  It was an easy read & it spoke to me quite a bit--I think it's directed more toward married folk but it still holds true for any long-term relationship.  He states that each person has a way that they would like their significant other to make them feel loved.  They fit into about 5 categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, & Physical Touch. So someone may need to hear that they're doing a good job as a parent or in their profession, etc. for words of affirmation.  Or a person needs significant time spent with the other person engaging in conversations or activities, etc.   Acts of Service could be stuff done around the house--I suspect that my BFF(J)'s hubby is all about that.  And the Physical Touch isn't just the obvious--it can be a good back rub or just a quick hug.  It makes a lot of sense to me that couples can sometimes lose that component of their relationship after they've been together for a while--& newly dating people usually seem to hit all the highlights because it is so new.  I'm glad that I read it--brings insight into what I seem to need from my significant other--and it helped me to realize one of the major parts that was missing from my own failed marriage--we just never recognized what the other person needed although I'm still unsure what my ex's "love language" was.  It certainly wasn't mine.  Chapman also states that a lot of couples have far different ones--someone may be thrilled by his or her spouse bringing gifts but the other may like when chores get done around the house as an expression of love.  So learning which is important is key.  There is a survey in the back for the man & woman to take to learn what their styles are.  

So I took my half earlier this week & wasn't surprised by my results--too much--I was spread just about dead even across three: Words, Quality Time & Physical Touch--& the touch was the highest (by one point) which surprised me a bit--but as I thought about it I then decided that it made sense--I had often complained to my ex about the lack of physical interaction (not just sex) and how much that used to upset me.  So I figured y'all are wondering if Xing Fu took his half or just made light of it as some guys might....

One thing that I really appreciate about him is that he doesn't make light of these things I read or talk about regarding relationships & feelings, etc.  He doesn't shrink away from them either--it really helps us to get to know each other better & grow our relationship closer.  So in answer, yes, he did take it & wouldn't you know--our scores are pretty much exactly the same--needless to say we weren't too surprised by that.

Pushing Back

• The connection between Cancer and Taurus is likely to be immediate - it’s almost as if one is a missing part of the other and they need to be reconnected. Straight away they will know how to interact with each other and will have no problems finding things to talk about.
• When Cancer and Taurus get together sparks will fly - in a good way. These two have a very strong physical desire for each other that’s hard for them to fight...but then why should they?
• These two complement each just fine - Taurus is likely to be able to bring some discipline and order to Cancer who simply wants to have fun. Cancer’s fun-loving attitude will bright a lot of light into Taurus’ life--

--Cancer-Taurus Compatibility



You know when you've got a great thing going & then you do something stupid?  I didn't go that far but I certainly could have.  But since our relationship has been very honest & open from the start, instead of making a bad choice, we talked. I am so happy that we feel comfortable enough & trust each other from the start.  I put the Cancer-Taurus compatibility there because it is so true--we've always thought about the "missing puzzle pieces" that we think that people are always seeking...reference to both Hedwig & the Angry Inch & the song "Such Great Heights".  The fact that the above excerpt brings that thinking to light just confirms things even more.  Which brings me to my specific point about being able to feel comfortable about talking about something that could have caused problems between us.

This past weekend Xing Fu was out of town & I was left to my own devices--not a bad thing but for some reason, I think I may have subconsciously missed my old single status.  I tend to be a bit flirty anyway & recently I've toned it down considerably for obvious reasons.  I think I missed it & so I may have encouraged a few guys that I needed to not encourage.  Nothing came of it but I felt a bit guilty.  That's the push back--me potentially sabotaging something amazing--in fact an old "friend" & I were planning on getting together this week while Xing Fu is away on business--kinda risky but here's where old patterns have changed--rather than hide it, I brought it up to talk about the whole thing.  I'm glad I did--it brought us closer together & we understand each other that much more--a very good thing.  Plus, we do trust one another--so he knows that nothing will happen to destroy something so good.  He also understands why I may be flirty--where that comes from--believe me, I so much prefer things the way they are now--the single thing--so done with it!  But that doesn't mean that a part of me mourns it just an eensy bit...


This week will be difficult while Xing Fu is away as I'll definitely miss him, but I am looking forward to Friday & the weekend as we are going to see Nada Surf & finally have a weekend that we can spend together--just us...wonderful.

The Snowbound Test

Any test to a new relationship is the time that you first spend an entire weekend together. That usually doesn't happen too quickly & Xing Fu & I haven't been seeing each other that long so this Blizzard of 2010 was a true test. We were both a bit worried but didn't say anything. The storm was imminent and he was heading to my place. We wanted to see each other over the weekend but were definitely concerned about the snow--he had numerous projects to tackle at his place & I had my dog who couldn't be left at my place obviously, so being snowed-in was a concern. (My kid spent the blizzard at his best friend's house--he was much happier there then being stuck with his mom--that 'tween stuff--moms just ain't so cool).

So what to do? I didn't want him to get stuck at my place because I'd feel horrible if he didn't get his projects completed, but could I suggest that I bring my dog to his place & help him? That was a huge imposition one, and two, that assumed he'd be ok with it. Also--as my friend CFW stated, "there's another test of a relationship--the home project test." Soooo...a lot riding on this snow storm...would it make or break us?

Anyhow, the dog came with me to his place. And then the snow, snow, snow, snow. On Saturday afternoon, we both looked at each other with relief & said that we'd been a bit worried about being stuck together for this long, that the projects wouldn't get done or that we wouldn't work well together, & that the dog would shed everywhere or be a bad houseguest. Again the Karma gods smiled on us--not only was the dog perfectly behaved, but we had a blast, and accomplished everything we set out to do. If anything, it confirmed what we've been thinking all along--that this feels right and we are moving steadily in the right direction.

When I got home on Sunday afternoon my snow service hadn't removed the snow so Xing Fu & I tackled my front walk. He is so concerned about my surgery & how I haven't been cleared by the doc--wanting me to be careful--but so far so good--I just don't expect the guy to do all the work--I need to pitch in too.

Later, we joined my son at BFF(J)'s house to watch the Super Bowl. Yea Saints!!! Again, I was very happy to see how at ease he was with my friends--another test of a sort. The Karmic gods continue to smile & my smile is even larger.

This Blizzard will be one for the record books...mine too.