The above comic strip is so true. It is so easy to misconstrue the other person's meaning. I'm not saying this has happened, but it is easy to do so especially as we move into a more familiar aspect of our relationship--we are no longer in the throes of the "first bloom", sweep me completely of my feet (although I have been told that I still glow...) part of life and have now entered into a more realistic perspective--I'd like to think it is actually a more intimate stage.
That being said, there have been adjustments especially since Xing Fu has been away recently & finding time for one another becomes sometimes difficult (I reference back to an earlier post: http://boyfriendplease-sailorgrl.blogspot.com/2010/02/finding-rhythm.html ) We keep reminding ourselves that communication is key because like that comic above, there are many areas where there could be a break-down, especially with so many priorities & people vying for our attention. It certainly is a balancing act on so many fronts....one word comes to mind fairly often: COMPROMISE.
I think the last few weeks have been kind of rough for me, an adjustment, a reality check on what I'm thinking. Xing Fu remarked about that last night--he is right--the real world comes crashing in & working with the reality can be difficult at times for me, but I think we both are working hard to understand what the other needs & adjust accordingly as best we can under our own constraints. The work we put into this relationship thingy...I wrote this in an email today: "makes me appreciate the positive work we put into us (something we may not have been so willing to do with others in the past)." Again I can reference Lori Gottlieb & her comments about working into a partnership. And that's what we want.
Stage: Work in Progress
A connecting principleLinked to the invisible
Almost imperceptible
Something inexpressible
Science insusceptible
Logic so inflexible
Causally connectable
Yet nothing is invincible
--Synchronicity I, The Police
Another occurence of synchronicity happened yesterday--we often wonder how many times a day that actually happens, but in this case we both sent emails to one another at 8:37 AM. I thought, "hmmm...this is a little freaky-deaky, but why am I surprised by this?" It is our harmony & our connection & it is very real. It is interesting to study, especially when looking at our differences. At this point, we've come across a few & they are certainly part of learning each other--but as we take a closer look at those potential pit-falls, the baseline of that connectedness we have helps to craft those "pit-falls" into complimentary differences & opportunities for each of us to grow.
Yeah, analysis of all of this seems a little much at times, but I think we both want to get it right--we feel that strongly. And I see how many couples fail because they don't look at some of this stuff & blunder through opportunities to grow as individuals as well as a couple. One huge difference is our approach to addressing conflict. I tend to confront issues immediately--Xing Fu says that he tends to run from conflict. I have found that when a person does not look at problems up front, they get much worse because they then get filtered through all kinds of perspective changers--and misperceptions tend to abound. That's when hurt happens--yes, initially, there may be pain in confrontation, but it's over soon & the real work can begin. I'm pretty sure that it has been far more productive for us because I do push a discussion through. We have found that our connection has become that much stronger. Thus the complimentary nature of our relationship in this particular aspect--
There are other areas we've discovered as well--he tends toward the more practical & I tend to be a lot more flighty--it's good to be pulled to the ground occasionally & believe me, I need it. Letting go is yet another biggy....I'll talk about that one another time. Until then, hitting the books & studying my heart out.
