When The Stars Go Blue

where do you go when you're lonely?
where do you go when you're blue?
where do you go when you're lonely?
i'll follow you
when the stars go blue

laughing with your pretty mouth
laughing with your broken eyes
laughing with your lover's tongue
in a lullabye

where do you go when you're lonely?
where do you go when you're blue?
where do you go when you're lonely?
i'll follow you
when the stars go blue.

by Ryan Adams

Treasures & Challenges or Reality Crashes the Party

Escaping the confines of the city was a very good thing--and the best thing was that Xing Fu recognized it as well.  He thanked me for nurturing our relationship. Geocaching figured prominently & it was fun to add another activity that we enjoy together.  In fact, we found a geocoin--pretty cool--we need to find the right cache to place it in around here.  We've included some of our kids & they seem to enjoy it as well--a family activity in the making--bonus!  It will be fun to include them in putting the geocoin in the cache.  We came back rested, & reconnected which is what I wanted.  

Of course the next big hill to climb is right in front--dealing with a very anxious BF is challenging especially when his immediate reaction is to shut me out & not admit how difficult the next hurdle is for him. Patience is key & I am trying to remind him that I'm in his corner. The last lyrics post is for him--when I listen to the song (youtube embedded at the bottom of the blog) I think of what's going on with him right now.  I hope he recognizes that I am there for him & that it is not a weakness to lean on me when he has so much on his plate. When I worked for a company a while back, I used to get so caught up in being the best teacher & behavior manager that I really lost sight of the beauty of teaching & my sense of humor in general.  I essentially took myself waaaay too seriously.  What I said to Xing Fu was that sometimes not taking yourself so seriously is important.  Being wound too tightly as a result can make life difficult needlessly--loosen up & sit back for a second & take a breath.  Remind yourself about the joys & humor in life.  Following my own advice is hard but I try, I try. 

Lost In My Mind

Put your dreams away for now
I won’t see you for some time
I am lost in my mind
I get lost in my mind

Momma once told me
You’re already home where you feel love
I am lost in my mind
I get lost in my mind

Oh my brother
Your wisdom is all that I need
Oh my brother
Don’t you worry ‘bout me
Don’t you worry
Don’t you worry
Don’t worry about me

How’s that bricklayin’ coming
How’s your engine running
Is that bridge getting built
Are your hands getting filled

Won’t you tell me my brother
Cause there are stars up above
We can start moving forward

from The Head & the Heart 


We saw this band when they opened for Dr. Dog.  They were very good & have since seen a lot more airplay especially on WTMD.  I highly recommend.

Getting Away

Cape Henlopen State Park

Getting ready to disappear for the weekend.  Going to the beach is a great way just to get away & recharge without taking a huge amount of time.  I think I need to do this about every 6 months or so--no pressures, no concerns, do what we like or do nothing (hard for the likes of the two of us).  My son will be with his aunt, grandfather & father in Bethesda so this is a good weekend for Xing Fu & I to get away before the sailing season ramps up & we're consumed by regattas.  I also think that it gives our relationship a little shot in the arm.  We get so caught up in the everyday of our lives & enjoying our relationship sometimes takes a back seat.  I always feel reconnected when we get home & closer to Xing Fu.  He doesn't necessarily feel the need--guess he's humoring me but I think he knows that I need it so he does treat it with care.

So perhaps some geocaching at Henlopen State Park, a walk to the beach, & maybe nothing more.  For me the beach is a way for me to clear my brain.  It calls to me...the ocean feels like home even in the dead of winter or early spring.  And I can share that with Xing Fu.  Just us.  I can't wait.

 

Whir, Whir, Blend

Families are a fragile thing.  As we continue to "normalize" the two families I feel like a quiet acceptance has arisen from all of the children--it's not a bad one like a sigh of resignation.  More like an, "OK, so this is what this blended family thing can be & it's ain't so bad."  All of us are participating in the March Madness bracket pool--so far Xing Fu & I are tied--damn Syracuse for losing to Marquette--I would've been in the lead!  

However, the best feeling came when Xing Fu told me that his youngest wanted him to call me to see what I was up to on Saturday evening & invite me over---words cannot begin to describe how that makes me feel. It has been a tough year for his kids in particular & to begin to feel a part of their normal weekend is huge.  I remember describing how I felt like I was the man behind the curtain like in The Wizard of Oz. I am glad that I no longer feel that way & I hope his kids are becoming much more comfortable with my presence as well as my son's.  My son joined me on Saturday over at Xing Fu's for dinner.  Last night I had everyone over for Navarin d'agneau (Spring Lamb Stew).  His kids said that eating at my house was an adventure because they will always have something they've never eaten before--their horizons are being expanded.  I like that they see that--that I'm contributing to their lives in some way that they hadn't had before.  I also enjoyed watching the interaction between Xing Fu & his kids--they crack me up--Dad is so NOT cool!  Funny....

Free and Reduced Meals

Apparently lunch was on me on Thursday.  Went with my co-workers to lunch at Chipotle & as usual I slung my purse on the back of my chair.  And as my head was deep in it, I left it there.  Stoopid, stoopid me--my first mistake. We had just pulled into the parking lot of our school when I discovered the very important missing item.  I quickly called the restaurant, but I guess there was a language barrier or something as I was left on hold for so long that we arrived back to Chipotle's before anyone ever picked up--actually I ran inside & there the person was holding the phone as if there was nothing at all wrong...No one helped me--they all stood there looking at me as if I'd sprouted 10 heads.  I was very appalled by the lack of response.  So I ran back out to where we'd eaten & asked two ladies who'd been sitting there when we'd left if they saw anything.  Nope, Nada.  By this time I was in a huge panic because we'd noticed a homeless man hanging out in front of the restaurant when we'd left the first time & he was no longer there.  I ran back inside & started asking patrons if they'd turned in a purse.  As I was looking around wildly, I noticed a professionally-dressed woman walking from the direction of the restroom & lo & behold she was holding my purse!  Perfect!!  I called out, "Thank you! Thank you! You found my purse."  She said she just saw it sitting & didn't want to pick it up at first because she didn't want anyone to think she'd stolen it.  For a split second I thought about offering her a little reward for retrieving it but decided against it because I wouldn't have expected it if I'd found a purse & I didn't want to embarrass her.  That was mistake number two.  If I had bothered to open the purse there & then I'd have seen that my wallet was laying open & all my cash was gone.  All $85 including my little secret $20 stash.  Instead, I trusted that people are good & blithely bounced back to the car where my co-worker was waiting for me.  It was there where I discovered my violation.  Thankfully, thankfully she did not take my license, credit cards, or social security card.  So I guess lunch really was on me...and the brand new silk blouse she picked up at Nordstrom's Rack.  

Book Club

As I am often waiting for my kid at certain times: guitar lesson, math tutoring, soccer games, etc., I have been reading books.  I am a vociferous reader but don't always have large blocks of time anymore to enjoy a good book.  So those little snippets of time have been nice & now, as the weather gets warmer, & the sunlight is longer, it will be especially wonderful to get outside & read.  But this really isn't a post about my enjoying a good book, it's really about how these books have called to me recently in some of the passages--how they are so appropriate in parallel to parts of my own life.  Right now I am reading a book entitled Between Here and April by Deborah Copaken Kogan. I was struck by the following truth found in this passage:

"Marriage is the one institution I know that doesn't require preparation for matriculation. There are no essays asking us to predict the number of children we will have, if any, and who will take them to the hospital if they bleed.  There are no multiple-choice tests forcing us to envisage how our financial partnership might look, or late-night field trips to love's inner sanctums (which from syntax alone--master bedroom--reveals a lot) to witness sexual politics in action.  There are no textbooks offering tips on what to do when the baby is sick, the sitter's on vacation, and both spouses are on deadline; no four-page syllabi containing his-and-her primary source material.

 In fact, the only primary source material we're given comes from the most unreliable of sources possible: our own parents.  No wonder half of us flunk out."

On first glance I guess it looks a bit depressing, but I think it just points out that keeping a relationship positive & moving in the right direction takes work.  That we need to be aware of the pitfalls & try to remember why we fell in love in the first place. And the fervent wish that there was a manual to make it work.  And perhaps the recognition that it can work & be wonderful--even if it takes another attempt, or two, or three...  *I always add the caveat that it needn't be a marriage--any LTR or relationship for that matter counts here.  

Anyway, the book has far more to it than the main character's marriage--there's a bit of a murder mystery as well & an exploration of postpartum depression & pms before such things existed--women's health issues.  It is a good book thus far.

http://www.amazon.com/Between-April-Deborah-Copaken-Kogan/dp/1565125622


"Life's full of irony, bubelah.  Haven't you learned that by now?"