Sailing Round-up

So, I haven't posted much about sailing this summer for a variety of reasons--the move, & the family stuff being mainly what this summer has been about.  In fact, I haven't been doing as much sailing this summer--major bummer, and now we're already moving towards fall.  Yikes!!  Summer has just disappeared. Anyhow, finally sailing post--of sorts.  

Had a serious crappy end to my sailing season last summer (although I did have a few post-season races that were a lot of fun--racing in December, anyone?).  So when Spring rolled around this year, I wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to be back out there & I didn't have a boat to be chomping for as it was, so I was back on the "dating market" for a new sailing "home". And we missed going to the Spin Sheet Crew Listings Party because my kid had a rowing regatta that day so I had absolutely no leads other that a few contacts from previous years.  And, on top of it all, my confidence in my ability was at an all-time low, so I was struggling a lot.  As it was, I uploaded my info to Spin Sheet & almost immediately received an email asking for me to crew for the Annapolis Yacht Club's Wednesday Night Series on a boat that was just beginning to campaign.  "Very cool", I thought because the team would be built from the ground up.  I was getting excited again because it also provided me with an opportunity to learn a new position on the boat. But, as it is with dating, not every first date becomes a relationship & that one was pretty nasty as I would find out very soon & what confidence I did have was blown right out of the proverbial water on that boat.  So, not only was a boat-less again, I also had no ride for Wednesday nights, let alone any weekend regattas. Bleh!  

I got lucky for Screwpile as I'd written before, & also was able to hop on board another boat that I do fall series with for Wednesdays, but as their crew is well-established, there is really little for me to do other than check stays & the occasional grinding & tailing--basically rail meat, but at least I'm getting out.  The down side to all of this is that I'm not practicing my skills at any trim--not jib, not spin, & certainly not main.  Which sucks & further erodes my confidence.  But here's where the fun starts--this story isn't a downer at all!

On Friday evening I got a text from my friend C, who knows a ton of sailors in Annapolis.  She wanted to know if I could go out on a friend's boat for the C.R.A.B. Regatta for Saturday. C.R.A.B. stands for Chesapeake Region Accessible Boating--great for getting folk out on the bay sailing who have disabilities. Link: http://crabsailing.org/  The skipper needed a spin trimmer & could I step in?  OK, my initial gut reaction was panic.  I really wanted to go but as I've said, my confidence had been sorely shaken & the thought of jumping on a boat & trimming the spinnaker, & possibly screwing up since I haven't had much practice this season, made my stomach lurch.  But I decided that I'd go, if for no other reason that I wanted to make connections for Annapolis Race Week, since, yet again, I didn't have a ride.

What a great time we had! I honestly can say that the crew just fit immediately--we got it done & when we finished every single one of us had huge smiles--and over & over I heard people saying that it was the best race that they'd had all season.  How cool was that?  The wind was awesome, the skipper said that the boat was sailing at its rating, & we just had great fun rolling the folks in front of us, even when we were over early at the start.  And we saw the first C.R.A.B. boat take the bullet--we gave out huge cheers as we watched behind us as they crossed the finish.  Later, the skipper said that I did a great job with my trimming.  When I said that I needed a ride for race week, well--happy ending--I have one & I couldn't be more excited.  This boat is fun & fast & I am rejuvenated.  I can't wait!

Chaos Theory

"All great changes are preceded by chaos." 
--Deepak Chopra

I am trying. Last week I tweeted, "repeat after me, I am not the evil step mom, I am NOT the evil step mom. #grittingteeth."  Why does it seem that my sense of humor & positive equilibrium have flown out the window recently?  Why can't I be gracious & accepting of being cast aside like yesterday's dirty dishes?  Huh? Why?  Even after, being a summer hausfrau, I wash and fold the step-daughters' laundry, am I outside, looking in at all of the fun & games that I'm not allowed to be part of.  Yes, I am to be welcoming, loving, gracious, supportive, generous, & thoughtful to excess for thee divine step children--even my own kid doesn't get that kind of over-the-top ass-kissing! And I read all this advice stuff out in the ether and lo & behold that is what is EXPECTED of me!  And yet, I am treated like an afterthought at best.  And I am to accept this (with grace of course)!  OMG!! 

So, I saw the quote above in several places last week--another blogger, twitter, in a magazine, & someone actually said it to me, therefore I am led to believe that this must be my new mantra. And my life has certainly been chaotic & full of change--but where is the "great change?"  Mebbe it was the new lipstick I picked up at Sephora this week.  Pink instead of wine-colored...

Also, in these well-meaning stepmom advice columns I read the following, "be good to yourself, treat yourself, blah, blah, blah."  All I wanna do is drink several glasses of wine, grab a buzz, hang out with my BFF(J), & try to forget about being a step mom for once.  And I can't escape either.  When I owned my little house by myself & was upset with the situation, I could run back home & curl up in my soothing blue bedroom & be alone with my thoughts (or scream out my frustrations).  Having moved in with Xing Fu, & apparently having troubled the step kids by my yelling once, yes once, I am unable to escape.  Oh, & I'm certainly not allowed to raise my voice--I must keep an inside voice lest I disturb the sensitivities of the step kids.  At least that is what the advice columns also say.  Notice the angst in my tone?  I miss my little house....I think this is just residual to having been alone & making my own decisions about my house without having to consult anyone since my ex vacated the premises in 2004. But either way, I feel the growing pains most acutely when I am made to feel like an outsider in my own (new) home.  Bottom line...would I trade this for where I was before?  Hmmmm....I wouldn't trade the man I am with now--certainly this blog reflects my deep feelings for him.  And well, he comes with baggage--a lot.  As do I--he is a step parent too.  We have gone into this with our eyes wide open & are working hard to move our family forward. But once, just once, I'd love things to flow my way for a change.  New tweet: "trying to find my zen place #zenmaster."

Stepfamily Shuffle--2 Steps Forward, 3 Steps Back

A blended family experiment went down last week in the form of 4 children (3 teens, 1 tween, 3 girls, 1 boy(not in that order for age)), and lo & behold it seemed to work pretty well for all involved.  After all of the drama & stuff from before we left, we all managed to go to the beach for a week & act like a "normal" family.  And upon reflection, I also think the week moved all of us forward in this circus we call stepfamily.  We laughed a lot with one another which is HUGE.  And I finally thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, Xing Fu & I could pull this thing off--that was one of the first times since moving in together where I truly felt positive about it all.  I think we all did.  

But, at some point the other shoe will drop.  And it did about three hours after we got back home (that didn't take long!).  The warm fuzzies just didn't last.  Sigh.  I know there was a lot of crap floating just under the surface for many of us--which of course resurfaced once we all got back to the happy homestead. "We all float down here." a la Stephen King....as in the sh** is bound to rise to the surface once again.  I was hoping that we could keep it at bay at least until the following week.  And to some extent, depending upon the situation, I see changes--case in point, one skid has a birthday & actively involved me--that request really made my day--that she was seeking out something that I had to offer for her special day (OK, a few days after the fact, but still).  I cannot begin to tell you how many points she gained with me--can we call this an Olympic score of 8.5?  I really want to have a positive relationship with all of the skids & this is the kind of interaction that continues those positive feelings--and really, sometimes they are very hard to come by....

I think about another milestone situation & am saddened because we (bio son & I are being excluded).  A work in progress, but it stings pretty deeply nonetheless.  And it does little to make me want to reach out & develop a close, positive relationship because every time I make the attempt, somehow, something always gets in the way which upsets the apple cart & we're back to square one. 

And here's where all the advice columns etc., get to me sometimes--I am supposed to be gracious & accepting, loving & understanding & NEVER show how these things affect me.  I am wondering, are there really those Fairy Godmother, Uber Stepmoms who can do this out there?  Can you send me some of your Uber Stepmom mojo??  'Cause I ain't feelin' it.

It's almost comical how things go from wonderful to sh*t so quickly.  I mentioned how great our week at the beach was & then how just a mere 3 hours later, it all got sucked out like the tide after a storm.  And last night--great dinner--everyone laughing & then, not even an hour later, it crumbled--Xing Fu & I just shaking our heads, WTF?? OK, true statement here, we are both deeply committed to making this work & are optimistic that eventually, prolly in at least a few years, it will come together. But, right now....well, mebbe it had something to do with scrubbing the dog pee out of the rug....

If Once You've Slept on an Island

Tylerton, Smith Island, MD

If Once You Have Slept on an Island

If once you have slept on an island
You'll never quite be the same;
You may look as you looked the day before
And go by the same old name.
You may bustle about in street and shop,
You may sit at home and sew,
But you'll see blue water and wheeling gulls
Wherever your feet may go.
You may chat with the neighbors of this and that
And close to your fire keep
But you'll hear ship whistle and lighthouse bell
And tides beat through your sleep.
Oh, you won't know why, and you can't say how
Such a change upon you came,
But - once you've slept on an island
You'll never quite be the same.
Rachel Field

I'd forgotten about this poem.  It sums up perfectly how it feels to be on Smith Island.  I was so happy to share that experience with my son today.  Lucky me!

Smith Island

Since the beginning of the summer I've had limited work days.  I go into my office approximately 1-2 times a week to check things & make sure nothing is falling behind, complete some stuff before the new school year begins...that kind of stuff.  Which means that I've been home a lot more than not & recently I became friends on Facebook with about 5 of my former students from when I was in the classroom around 1998-2002.  None of this is especially remarkable except that during this time I was allowed to really plan my own curriculum which I did in what is considered an "experiential learning" environment.  And what would I create an experiential curriculum on you might ask?  The Chesapeake Bay of course! We spent an entire year adapting the regular curriculum to the Chesapeake Bay.  I did this in conjunction with the Chesapeake Bay Foundation's school trips http://www.cbf.org/page.aspx?pid=260& their curricula as well.  In 2000, I'd participated in a 5-day teacher's trip to learn about the Chesapeake Bay Foundation's programs for kids--starting in the Inner Harbor to Annapolis to Smith Island, MD. It was amazing & I came back from that determined to take my students through these experiences as well.  

A little background: I worked for what is called a "non-public" school.  This means that it is a state-funded school that the public schools send their students when they are unable to provide the level of service needed to educate them in a regular public school setting. This school was for students with very serious disabilities.  In this particular case all of my students were labeled with an emotional disability (back then called seriously emotionally disturbed or SED).  Many of them also had very intense ADHD & learning disabilities & most took some serious medications too.  So needless to say, these kids were very tough to handle at times (chairs thrown, anyone?) But also most of these kids were VERY smart too.  I recognized that they really needed to be challenged academically which brought me to my plan to take these kids, meds & all, to Smith Island for three days to explore the Chesapeake Bay. Crazy, right??

Not so much.  As I said, these kids were smart.  They were also very limited in their exposure to the world beyond their very urban city blocks. I was determined to expand their worldview so that they knew that there was so much more that the world had to offer them if they just went & looked for it. And so began my year-long quest.  In order to go, we had to have a "service learning" type project.  We chose stream renewal-we did water testing on the Herring Run, planted trees, & cleaned up the streams in our area.  We started in the fall by going on one of the Bay Foundation trips to the Inner Harbor & out to Fort Carroll to look at oyster environments & then in early spring we went on the Stanley Norman, a skipjack out of Annapolis--again looking at oysters & Bay ecology.  What I wanted the kids to do was compare & contrast each area on the bay--from right around their neighborhoods in Baltimore to down in Annapolis (more wildlife according to the kids) & then finally all the way down to Smith Island in late spring.  And in 2001 & 2002, I took my class & about 10 school staff down to Tylerton on Smith Island. I must thank all of the adults who made this possible because without them, we would never have been able to accomplish this amazing journey.  And it was amazing which brings me back to why I wrote this post so many years after the fact.


When I friended these former students on FB, they all said how much that trip changed them & how, when times are tough, they think back on when they were in my class & how much I pushed them to become better people.  They all thanked me & posted very public statements about how I cared about them when no other teachers did.  That is the best reward that any teacher can get. And I'm happy to say that most are doing OK, if not doing pretty good--college for some, & most are working.  These kiddos were my "dream class"--they were always willing to try any hair-brained scheme I wanted to do, & fully embraced all of the challenges I threw up against them--& they excelled despite their circumstances.  They are my heroes really.  Because of them, & their enthusiasm, I have continued to support Bay causes & tomorrow, going full circle if you will, I am taking my son down to Smith Island as I promised him years ago.  I want him to experience some of what my students saw & did.  I have been inspired by them to continue the experience.

Screwpile? Sweatpile!

Ok, so most sailors on the Chesapeake know that the summer doldrums hit about mid-July through August--there's usually just no wind!  And you'd think that a lot of us would say "fogettabout it!" & some of us actually do, but not me or Xing Fu or about 123 boats who converge on Solomons Island, MD for the Screwpile Regatta in mid-July.  But this one was a HOT one--(shout-out to one of my sailing friends--C, for the phrase "sweatpile") 'cause I for one sweated gallons--couldn't get enough Gatoraid in me. Anyhow, as per usual there was a lot of flukey wind--day one was pretty good, day two was pretty crappy, & day three was mixed (at least for the West circle).  Poor Xing Fu on the North circle really got screwed (heh).  His RC (Race Committee) just couldn't figure it out. And after making them bob even longer than we did, they sent them on a 1.1 nautical mile course only to abandon race just as his boat was to the weather mark.  And then for them, that was it!  

On the West circle, I have to give it to our RC--yeah, we bobbed for a couple hours first thing after we motored out to our circle, but they really worked hard to find us steady enough wind above 4 knots of wind.  And eventually, we were able to get a race off--not the 4 legs, but shortened to 2.  And then we bobbed again waiting for air.  Instead of just giving up, the RC talked to the South circle & found out that the breeze was filling in nicely--apparent wind to at least 8 knots & gusting higher--just a few more bobs & then we'd get a second race in. And we did--4 legs & a very exciting start--near collisions (not with our boat) & protests--always good for an adrenaline rush! Despite the heat & waiting, a good finish to three days of racing.

And I didn't even have a ride when I got down to Solomons!  Talk about taking a chance.  It had been a real struggle to find a ride for Screwpile--both Xing Fu & I tried to find one for me but to no avail.  A lot of skippers that I know told me to just go down there & that I might be able to catch something for Monday & Tuesday as a lot of folk can't take off those days (ah, being a 10 month employee has its advantages!).  I was fully prepared to find something to do on Sunday around the island while Xing Fu sailed (shore wife--so NOT what I wanted) but I got lucky.  Xing Fu's skipper walked a few slips down the dock on Sunday morning & said that he had extra crew could they use someone?  And there it was--I had a ride for all three days.  Now I was fully prepared to be rail meat or something like that but instead I was really needed for jib & spin trim (not just pole) on a Tartan 10 with only 4 crew--and as I've stated before, sometimes you mesh as a crew & sometimes you don't--this was a case of a very good fit for all of us.  Problem being, they are from Deltaville, Va.--a little far to travel for Wednesday night races & weekends.  But perhaps I'll go down for Southern Bay Race Week next year--looks like I have a ride already!  It was so nice to be back on the spinnaker trim--and to do a good job--we heard the pack coming up behind us (there's that tell-tale water-coming-off-the-bow noise that grows louder) on one of our downwind legs & I was able to move us ahead significantly--even better it was away from I boat that I used to race against on the West River! My skipper told me how pleased he was with my trim--especially on the kite--I really needed that confidence injection.


But one of the most important aspects of participating in Screwpile has naught to do with sailing.  It is the 3-day mini vaycay that Xing Fu & I have together doing what we love (even if it isn't on the same boat).  In an email I wrote to Xing Fu, " ...these trips we take together seem to be very good for injecting the appreciation for one another back into our relationship--something we've been struggling with because of all of our life adjustments recently."  So true.

Well...How Did I Get Here?

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself
Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by
Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by
Water flowing underground
Into the blue again
After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime
Water flowing underground

--Talking Heads, Once In A Lifetime

The Bean in Chicago reflects 180 degree shifts

OK, so this is not a fatalistic posting, just me reflecting on my birthday--is it an epiphany post?  Nah, don't think so--or mebbe.  Just yesterday I was over at my BFF(J)'s house & told her that when I had gotten up that morning, I looked around my bedroom in my new house & thought to myself, "How did I get here?"  Just like the Talking Heads---just feeling all the changes in my life recently come crashing in.  Not a bad thing, just reflective of this critical point in my life.  Was it really just a few years ago that I sat down to write about all of those frogs?  Back then did I ever think I'd be where I am now?  No way! And, did I ever think that being with my "soulmate" would be as challenging as it sometimes is? NOPE!  Definitely had those rose-colored glasses over my eyeballs...I don't regret where I am now--I embrace this time but I sometimes just stop to scratch my head..."into the blue again."  A lot of my life is in flux believe it or not--strange because I have a place to live, a job, etc., etc., but it has all rotated 180 degrees from where I was less than two months ago.  "Well...How did I get here?"