Sunday, November 16, 2008

Friends, Lovers, Family-members--Lend me your Ears, or Eyes!

Busy weekend with family in town. My great Aunt passed away recently & was buried at Arlington National so all of her children--my cousins were here. There was a huge family dinner on Friday night & I had a guest with me: yep, the Bull/beast came to our shindig. Of course throwing a lot of my local family into a bit of confusion since we're supposed to be no longer together. They'd heard so much about him & also how we'd broken up & yet, there he was in the midst of my wacky family--and wouldn't you know, fitting in beautifully.

I can't figure all this out sometimes & I've been told that I've got to cut him loose, but somehow I can't. We just fit so well together. My dad wouldn't even say hello to him--he didn't like seeing his little girl hurt & the bull/beast has a lot of work to do to regain any acknowledgement from him. The bull/beast liked my family & as usual all this compatibility just makes me even more confused, bewildered & wishing that things were more clear between us. Friends with benes? More than that I think, Boyfriend/girlfriend--not really, but sorta....lovers--definitely, really good friends--absolutely....I told him on Saturday that he needed to get out of my skin. So anyone out there--if you have any thoughts--I'm open to suggestions.....

I'm not closing down my options, by the way, since I just don't know what the bull/beast thing is all about. I'm still pursuing online potentials, I thought I may have talked to a few potentials, but they turned out to be dead ends. A lot of guys like the idea of online, send emails etc., but just never put enough effort into actually meeting. That is very frustrating. Again, my mom likes to remind me about kissing frogs.... I seem to be doing so much of that.

I like to question the universe these days about where that soul mate is after all the false starts & frogs. I think the universe enjoys teasing me--sending me the bull/beast & having him just out of reach. I have to believe that there is the right guy out there for me...can you see I'm having a moment of weakness?

OK--enough self-doubt, etc. Off to the races!

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