I had a very interesting weekend--took/taking a couple days to process & I think it was overall a good one. Xing Fu's dad & stepmother came in from Texas to spend the weekend with Xing Fu, his kids, me, & my son. Talk about blending a family. It was the first time that they met me & my son--that was nerve-wracking just by itself. But it was a learning experience to be sure. It was also good to learn a little bit about the father of the man I am planning to spend the rest of my life with. I can say that he is spartan (an austere air about him) in his approach--I think Xing Fu is as well--this is not necessarily a criticism--but I see that he comes by it honestly. I think I am still processing that a bit--but the time spent with everyone was a good one & my son made me proud by being affable & genuinely involved.
On Sunday, we drove down to DC to visit Xing Fu's oldest at college--we needed two cars so I had one of his kids on the way down & both on the way back (my son was with his aunt (my former sister-in-law)). We had lunch, visited the campus & drove back. It was a very nice afternoon & I think everyone enjoyed the time together. Later, we would all have dinner together including my kid. But first he had to come back from his aunt's house--he had spent Sunday at her boyfriend's music shop--he just loves going there & playing all of the guitars. So I asked my former SIL if she'd drop him off at Xing Fu's place. She said sure & now we have a convoluted mess of a mishpocheh...My ex's sister, my son, & Xing Fu's kids, dad & stepmom. It is kinda cool--my former SIL knows Xing Fu & now his dad & his kids--how strange is that? My mom says that it's a good thing that everyone is willing & interested to be involved with one another--mebbe eventually I'll get to know Xing Fu's ex's family too--it would be nice if everyone figured it all out & developed a positive relationship--if my SIL, Xing Fu, & I can do this, (and my parents who are also quite fond of my SIL), then I think we all can. That is my hope for the future--that all of the sides of the families can spend time together in some capacity.
Go?
It's beginning--the family is descending upon us....not a bad thing, but now all this prep is becoming a reality. Not sure I'm ready for prime time yet. I'm nervous & stressed but my kid--cool as cool can be--go figure, mebbe Saturday will be a different story. I was so tense yesterday (mostly because of work related stuff), that I had...to....go...sailing.....(even if it was a Wednesday anyway). Good race--only 3 of us crewing but we made it around the course & didn't finish at the bottom.
But I digress, this Bar Mitzvah thingy has really taken on a life of it's own. I worry about the family dynamics (of which there are at least a few), my ex & his baggage (praying he's on his best & least obtrusive behavior), all the little details that we haven't thought about, etc., etc., etc.,....all I want to do right now is escape...Calgon, take me away!
I am quite excited & proud of my kiddo--he really has great presence & has got this truly under control--he's treated the whole experience with the right attitude, with respect, & with what I feel is true understanding--he's studied hard & consistently practiced. I think he can look back on his day Saturday and see that he did "become a man" in some ways. Right now he's gone to the baseball game with his cousins--glad he has the opportunity, as I did last night, to unwind & not think about Saturday & its implications. But I, time to hit the ground running....so much to do, so little time.
Insanely busy time right now--my son's Bar Mitzvah is occupying a lot of time & stress as well as the end of school activities & a major race this weekend. I may have bald spots at the end of all this....
What I find hugely interesting & somewhat nerve-wracking is the upcoming interplay between all of the participants in this component of life's little drama. I'm referring of course to the family dynamics, the exes, the mishpocheh, etc., & all of what that entails for the Bar Mitzvah. I'm a bit nervous regarding my ex--his involvement & the fact that my boyfriend is very involved with me & my son--this is a whole new avenue for me to explore & one that makes Xing Fu & I have a bit of trepidation. Many evenings & weekends, the three of us spend time together--recently I hosted a dinner for Xing Fu & his mother and the relationship between he & my son is evolving into a very nice one (Case in point: My son is excited to show off his summer camp to Xing Fu when we drive down to drop my son off). And, after all, he's only heard about my ex through me & my family & certainly little of it has been positive. I hasten to add however, that there are positives--I do give credit to him about my excellent cooking skills that everyone claims I have now & the fact that I have a real understanding of how flavors & textures can work to create amazing things in food. Certainly, many people, including my BF reap the benefits of my culinary talents. But the overarching theme is a decidedly negative one in reference to my ex. I hope that he will conduct himself appropriately as this is a celebration of his son's accomplishments even if my ex is not Jewish, or for that matter, very Christian. And certainly, my ex is welcome to be there, but his involvement in his son's life has been minimal to none. I know my former father-in-law is very proud of his grandson as is my former sister-in-law & neither of them would even remotely want to create drama. My ex, who knows, appropriate decorum was never his strong suit. I will give him the benefit of the doubt--I just want my son's day to be a special & wonderfully memorable one that is free of the seamy underside of divorce & it's inherent drama.
As it stands right now--most of those who we've invited are coming to the event--there will be a ton of people. I'm certainly thrilled that there are so many friends, & family who want to share with us--it makes me feel great that my son has so many people out there who love & care about him.
Another source of stress are the snoopers to this blog--I can never understand some people's fascination with all of this.... Last I heard, this country is founded on freedom of speech--and certainly I do not name names. What are y'all looking for? Condemnation? Confirmation? There are a lot of folk from all avenues of my life looking, looking, looking...some everyday & some with veiled threats....is my life all that interesting? Apparently so for some out there! I've been advised a few times to make this blog "Invitation Only", but I honestly don't want to do that--I have readers from Hungary to New Zealand to Germany & beyond--that's awfully nice, but why should I cut them off because various individuals are unhappy? See, I'm not referring to my general readership who have very positive things to say, I'm talking about the stalkers--the negative ones. Yep, I know that when one writes a blog & it's out there for the world to see, it exposes the writer to certain criticisms, etc., but still....let it go! I guess I'm flattered in a weird way....
