Great, Nice Guys to Have Fun With

"Soul mate. Two little words, one big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere, is holding the key to your heart. And your dreamhouse. All you have to do is find them. So, where is this person? And if you love someone and it didn't work out, does that mean they weren't your soulmate? Were they just a runner-up contestant in this gameshow called happily ever after? And, as you move from age box to age box and the contestants get fewer and fewer, are your chances of finding your soulmate less and less?" Are soulmates a reality, or a torture device?"

Charlotte: Don't laugh at me, but maybe we can be each other's soul-mates? And then, we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.

Samantha: Well...that sounds like a plan.

From: Sex & The City


Everybody says that I have to be strong & be able to be happy with myself being alone first before someone else can share my life. I thought I have been happy alone & now want to find someone who enhances the life I've made for myself & my son. But so far there are no takers. In a moment of synchronicity I was watching SATC & the above episode was on. I had been thinking about my amazing friends & how lucky I was to have them. My BFF (1) who is like a mother hen--extremely protective of me & willing to confront the bull (and any other guy who's wronged me in some way for that matter--see Christmas Eve fiasco) when they've hurt me. [I may not have written about that--the guy from work & I were supposed to go out Xmas eve & he texts me right when he was supposed to come over to cancel. I may be Jewish but that really sucked.] CFW who is the one who says that I shouldn't settle for second best when it comes to the bull, BFF (2) who can always be practical about situations, & my sis who really more than anyone else helps me cut through the bullshit & see the big picture. They are my soul mates just like Charlotte says & I am grateful to have them all. And sure enough the bull really is a great, nice guy to have fun with (for now...)

New Year's Eve:

The universe continues its quest to laugh at me... Last night I get a phone call from the bull (hadn't heard from him since Boxing Day) saying he will most probably spend New Year's with me now. So do I say, "No, I have plans?" or "Oh, that's great!"? I know I should have said that I had plans, but according to my mom that would be cutting of my nose to spite my face--I have to agree. If I told him to piss off then I'd spend NYE wondering what he was doing & who he was with & bemoaning the fact that I wasn't with him & generally being shitty company to everyone around me. Instead I get my wish to spend it with him, have a great dinner with my family, & then go to a party with my BFF(1) & shoot off fireworks & have someone to kiss for the New Year. That to me sounds like as close to an ideal New Year's as I've had in a while. Needless to say, I am quite happy.

To all who read this: Have a happy & safe New Year's and all the best to everyone for 2009!

The Infinite Abyss

Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert
Albert: Yeah?
Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too.

From: Garden State


I love that movie. It came out at a time when I was exploring being separated & what it felt like to start over. For those who haven't seen it, Andrew Largeman, played by Zach Braff (whom (thx BD) I love), sort of wakes up from the stupor of his life. I like to think that I woke up too. The scene where this dialogue takes place is on the edge of a quarry--The edge of what?? I like the imagery. About a third of the way down is a very old boat that a couple lives in. Albert's Quarry. I go back to that movie a lot as I experience my own awakenings. I especially like the quote above as I feel that often I have to explore the "infinite abyss" of my emotions & where I'm headed & what I want especially when it concerns meeting someone who will enhance my life. So what this all means is that I had an abyss moment on Thursday when I almost left the bull's apartment & drove home at about 11:30 at night. I am still seething about New Year's & I was feeling miles apart from the bull (no pun intended) & he wasn't doing much to close the gap--heh. I was feeling frustrated that I'm always at arm's length & I still am.

Earlier in the evening we had been to the wonderful party I mentioned in another post. It was great--we had a good time together as usual. My mom mentions to me how much the bull seems attentive to me, & how his body language shows how much he's into me. It confuses her because of the situation our relationship is in. How can he be so much a part of me & so involved as he is & still hold me so far away? That was why I almost left. He convinced me not to, but as I explored the abyss, I decided a few things: namely that I can't continue to expect anything more from him right now & that I have to accept this, stop analyzing it, or decide that having a good time with the bull isn't worth it anymore & TRULY MOVE ON... My decision will most probably come after the holidays when things get back to normal. I also think that this is a reaction to the whole holiday stress too so I need to wait.

The other abyss is the dating one. I cancelled a couple of my online services because I'm not finding anyone. I have a few guys calling and/or emailing but there seems to be a real lack of dating material at the moment. Maybe it's the economy or the season--but there is a real dearth of available men--at least ones that I like. One of my friends & I may try a speed-dating experiment just to liven things up.

Update: As of right now I am spending New Year's with my family--my sister will be in & I'm looking forward to spending time with her so maybe a bull-less NY is a good one after all.

Holiday Frustrations

Horoscope for Today from MSN:
"Love matters might appear to be moving far more slowly than you'd like, dear Cancer. Both you and your current romantic interest may be overloaded with other responsibilities for now and might not be able to see much of each other. It's frustrating, but you'll get through it. In the meantime, don't let your insecurities get the best of you. Just because your friend is busy doesn't mean that your relationship is totally on the rocks. Be patient!"

Sometimes these horrible-scope things actually make sense. Whenever the Bull needs to tell me bad news, he always texts me rather than calling. So I knew something was up when in the middle of my school holiday luncheon, I see that he's texted me. "So cocktails is on? Remind me when? I don't think I can do New Year's. Son & family. Please don't apply pressure. I would do it if I could." Cocktails refers to Christmas Day eve. I have a big & fancy shindig to attend near the Bull in Bethesda. One of my mom's best friends is an amazing caterer & has this party every year--this is the first year I've been invited so it's huge. I should be happy that I at least get one of the big holidays with him, right? Why am I so disappointed then about New Year's? And like my horoscope says--don't let insecurities get the best of me--which they are... I want to take the Bull at what he says, but those niggling doubts linger & so here I am questioning everything again. And what pressure? What am I going to do--be pouty & truculent so as to ruin things further? No, I'm locked into accepting without voicing disappointment so I'm not misconstrued as being pushy or whiney. This is the exact type of situation that leaves me on the fence with my relationship with the Bull. I don't like not knowing or feeling insecure in where we are--and feeling unable to really tell him how I feel about it without negative repercussions. I'll have to wait until well after the event to discuss it with him & by then, of course, because that's his intent, it won't be as big a deal to me anymore.

There it is: Be patient (according to my horoscope), enjoy the 25th & suck it up! I now don't have a date for New Year's--and I've admitted it on my blog too!

Bad Dates

Where to start--Think about the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark when Indy goes to eat the date, tosses it up in the air to let it fall in his mouth, his buddy grabs it before it falls in, points to the dead monkey & says "Bad dates". And that sorta sums up the parallels between episodes. I can't even begin to say how kinda ick this weekend has been. Not horrible--I keep learning more & experiencing more. Which isn't a bad thing. Scene A & Scene B.


Let's go to Scene B: I met this guy online--same site as where I met the bull. I call him the preacher-man. I should have been warned to the real quirkiness by the fact that he had 11 children. All with the same woman--of course... And that he was a former Evangelical pastor. I was intrigued by this person & he seemed cool & wrote quite eloquently. But again, shoulda been tipped off by the amount of texting & phone calls I received once it was confirmed there was an interest. There IS such a thing as too much interest too soon.

But I was very curious about someone who had been quite sheltered for so many years & would reject it all & become a hippie-type-ish. He seemed like a sensitive soul--peaceful & calm. Polar opposite of my other buddy.

The plan was to meet & go see Alex Grey @ Sonar. Grey is a very cool artist--psychedelic & futuristic. This was a multimedia performance--I'm pissed I missed it. Long story short--we imbibed & he was out of it--apparently he wasn't too much a drinker or anything so it really hit him. So instead of a cool experience I'm stuck at home philosophizing with this dude I don't know about his divorce, dating, raising all those kids, losing his religion & getting him sober enough to get him out of my home. He is a gentle soul--I felt downright wicked in comparison. I felt badly for him too. He was still in the early stages of his divorce & he seemed a bit adrift by it all. But one thing he said that I think will stick with me is what made the whole experience all alright. He said, "In pursuing a passionate life, you will have to suffer pain." I think I agree, but I think that's a good thing.

I'm glad he left. Bad grapes. At least I recorded the Ravens game.



Scene A: Raucous night with the bull. Hot tubbin' with friends of mine. It all started out as is usual--nice dinner, very generous folks who really wanted to meet the bull & hadn't yet. Great hot tub--very comfortable with four people. We had a lot of fun. But the bull overdoes it--he got very dehydrated. Got him out of the tub, but pretty soon after he got into the house, he got violently ill. At least he made it to the bathroom. So here I am stuck with a sick cow very late at night hearing about how my friends are going to buy new shutters & siding. All I want to do is get home & get him in bed so he can feel better rather than being slumped in a chair. I guess if this had been much sooner in our relationship I would have been apalled or something. In a sense this familiarity was nice, even if the experience wasn't. He amuses me--he has such an ego & can be so damn selfish, but I have so much fun with him most of the time--just comparing him to the preacher just makes it so clear to me that pacifist-types won't work. Raucous is just the word to describe my type.

Walls

Bittersweet

I know we don't talk about it.
We don't tell each other.
All the little things that we need.
We work our way around each other.
As we tremble and we bleed.
It's bittersweet, more sweet than bitter, Bitter than sweet.
It's a bittersweet surrender
--Big Head Todd & the Monsters


Did I mention that I was tired? Like so many other things around the holiday, I just need a break. Maybe this dating thing isn't worth it right now--the effort is sometimes too much. I guess I wish everything were easier & I didn't feel like I often have to jump through hoops. The question remains--where's the prince? All the men I see right now just have so much frog about them--no commitment or no exclusivity, etc., etc....

It's not like I had a bad weekend. I saw the guy from work on Thursday & that was fun, albeit brief. But I don't see a future there either--recent break-up & wants to date, not be with one person. Of course I'll still go out with him if he wants & I do like him, but again a frog.

Saturday was a co-worker's Christmas party. The bull accompanied me & of course we were late. We had just hit the beltway when my buddy texts me to find out where we were. Apparently no one cared about my arrival but had much anticipation waiting to finally meet the bull in person. Such pressure! But as usual, he is such the charmer. My other friend tried to get personal information from him but he evades, evades & dodges...hence the walls I refer to. Sometimes I never know when I'll see the real person--sometimes I do, & that is when I like the bull the most. But it is fleeting & frustrating.

We always have a lot of fun together but I get tired trying to get to the real man. After six months I sometimes wonder how much better I actually know him. And of course I still struggle with our relationship status of committed but not exclusive. There's that frog business.

And the pressure of the holidays: will we spend New Year's together?


Final Note:

To my dear friend Terry Long:
I miss you, you were an amazing friend who had incredible talents & shared them with everyone...Rest in Peace...Love you...."Way to go!" "Excellent!"

Was That Whirlwind my Weekend?

Or: What happens when you go nonstop from Friday to Sunday. Eventually you crash. I hope I can get a nap this afternoon. Whew--I'm not complaining because I think this was as about an ideal a weekend as I have had in a VERY LONG time.


Friday evening: Down to D.C. The bull & I go to hear Nada Surf at the 9:30 Club. It was good fun--not that the band was great--parts were but sometimes their lyrics are quite pendantic. Then playing their ballads at the concert just didn't work for them. On the other hand, the little we heard of Delta Spirit--another band I like, was super! And I seemed to have gotten over some of my issues about comparisons & self-esteem & was a little bit flirty at the concert--though not with the bull. It was interesting to see the bull's reaction--arms around me & somewhat possessive....which is nice because he can have a tendency for wandering eye syndrome. I actually don't care about men who look, but it was fun to get him going. He was a lot of fun & after last week's revelations, makes it even harder to extricate myself. He MUST have sensed it because he's been so different lately. We went to a great Chinese food dive after the music where the skinned ducks hang over the counter & rice steam is rising out of the pots in the front of the restaurant--a lot like the places in Chinatown in San Francisco. I have to say--one of the best times I've had with the bull in a while.

Saturday: Drove back to Baltimore to prepare for the bull to come up here with his son. First time I've met him & our sons have met each other. His son is a little younger than mine. I was quite nervous--of course not too sure what to expect. But the boys got along great & again we all had a super time. Took them to Fort McHenry & then we got Attman's for a late lunch/dinner.

The only downside was the bull getting pulled over by the city cops for apparently making an illegal traffic move. The cops were incredibly rude. I had pulled up to wait & when I saw that it wasn't going to be a routine stop I got out of my car to see what was going on. I walked over to talk to the bull & one of the cops starts yelling at me to get away from the bull's car because they were "in the middle of an investigation". He kept yelling at me to walk far away so obviously I did but it was very uncool. Especially the $90 traffic ticket that the bull will need to contest. Despite that, the rest of our time was super.

Later took everyone over to Hampden to see the Christmas lights on 34th. We walked down the block & again it was really great. The boys really did get along & seemed to enjoy hanging out together. There has been talk about a ski trip--we'll see what happens with that one...I'm not holding my breath.

Here's where things get complicated: The bull leaves & my new friend from work pays me a visit. Excellent chemistry, & no pheromone issues--I think he could really make me move along with the bull. Of course it's early, but I have a really good feeling about this.

My mom says that the bull is a good "transition" relationship. My bff, CFW says I ought to find a card thanking him for being part of my Transition team. But he doesn't feel transitional right now--we realized that we've been seeing each other, more or less, for six months now...in a way that's kinda nice too.... It's never easy, is it?

Deal breakers

Everyone who's dating likes to talk about their deal breakers. Like cigarette smoking or being a heavier drinker, etc. As I've been dating I've figured out my deal breakers--smoking being one for sure. I hate l kissing ashtrays. Heavy drinking is another--but if you are a wine afficionado then that's a different story. If a guy doesn't like going to hear music then that can be a potential pitfall as well. If you're following this line of thought you may have noticed that I haven't even touched on looks as deal breakers. I'm kind of sensitive about looks but I have found myself being shallow myself. I want a guy who's active & athletic so if a guy is bigger & chunky it is harder for me to accept. If he's bigger & solid, that's ok. The final sticking point is height. I like tall men. There, I've said it. If a guy is my height, I just struggle mightily--he may be super perfect in so many other ways but if I can't look up to you, well.....

Enter my lunch date today. There's so much there that works about him. Lives less than 5 minutes from me. Intelligence, quirkiness, great green eyes, athletic & active, but he's short. Everyone tells me to get over it, look beyond & he could be just what I'm looking for. Bleh!!! He WAS great. No comparisons with the bull at all. Sigh...I do like him--he is the closest to what I want except for that little niggling fact. I told everyone at work today that I fully intend to look beyond my deal breaker & I certainly will try--there's just too much there.

Clay Feet

Who would've thunk it? I may be breaking free from the bull's hold over me.

This weekend was very busy--of course. My sister was in & I couldn't have been happier. I miss her like crazy & she actually can get through my blockheadedness like no one else.

Friday: Made reservations at a very nice restaurant near Fort McHenry for my sis, her husband , the bull & myself. Wanted her to have an opportunity to meet him--wanted her impressions, etc.

Earlier in the day, I had gone wine-tasting with one bff & my sis. The bull calls & says he's on 695--an hour early! For him this is massive because he is ALWAYS late! So now I'm in panic mode but at least my sis & my bff (who's been dying to give him a piece of her mind for over a month now) had unprecedented access to the bull. My bff totally launched into him--embarrassed the shit out of me but I think he got her point. LOVE YOU--BFF (1) We have a few hours before we meet my sis for dinner & I learn some not so nice things about the bull--or at least I realize things about him I wasn't ready to see earlier. I have begun my journey to epiphany or as my sis would say--"I'm having a come to Jesus" moment.

Dinner was great--not cheap & he pays our half without complaint--gotta give him credit for that. My sis gets to question him for about three minutes & he insists that he won't hurt me & that I can take care of myself, blah, blah, blah. Later on my sister & I talk about this of course & as I said, she really helps me continue to get the REAL situation & not my rosy hazed filters furthering my ability to come up for air at last.....

The rest is, well--my time to see that I deserve better & that I want better. I like the bull a lot--he has his moments but I think that maybe my very skewed perception of him has changed & now I can control the situation with him instead of it controlling me. And even more I think that the new men I see won't have to be measured up against the bull anymore--I can see them for themselves & not through a filter. I can only hope & now here it is in cyber-print so the words stand....

When You Least Expect It...

Expect It. So here I am, minding my own business at work & making various phone calls to finish up the early week. I have to call this one guy who works in the truancy office of my school system--we've been dealing with a kid who is six & has never been in school. Up to this point he & I have primarily talked about how to deal with this problem but have also talked about our own social-political viewpoints which seem quite aligned. I called to tell him that we were able to complete the testing & that the parent had brought the child to the school & it appeared as though we'd be able to have a meeting to find the appropriate placement for this child so he could get the special education services he so desperately needed.

After talking about that, we somehow got on the subject of how I needed to teach taekwondo class to the kids at my school in our afterschool program but how I really wanted to get home to see my sister. He asked me what belt I was & that he also practiced various martial arts too. Our convo intensified & we began to talk about our current situations: Me: single mom, unattached (hush up! No mentions of the bull here!) Him: single dad, unattached--break-up 4 months ago from girlfriend. Hmmmm...I see a pattern here. We have a lot in common, including musical tastes--which for me is quite important. I know he's in good shape because he says he bikes to work so he can't be too much of a couch potato. You all know where this is leading of course. So we have a lunch date for next week. I've never seen him & he's never seen me, but why not? In a school system full of women, one needs to take opportunities where one can.

It also looks as though the guy from Harford County wants to see me again too--so next weekend is already quite full: the bull on Friday, Harford Guy Saturday, if the guy from the truancy office works out, Sunday will be the day for us....why was I so concerned? Oh, haven't mentioned the online guy from Pennsylvania either. Looks like that's shaping up too. Mebbe I will have a date for New Year's after all.

Kissing Frogs

I have resigned myself to the simple fact that my mother is always right. I must kiss frogs...but where is my prince charming? I've been hanging out on the dating websites without too much success--the guys recently have loved to email but getting to the meeting part of things just hasn't worked until this week. I'd been chatting with this guy online & it looked very promising--in fact I hadn't been so charged about a new guy since originally chatting with the bull. He lives in Harford County. That could've been held against him (sorry anyone from up there--I lived up there for 4 years & it was way too conservative for me), but he seemed kinda quirky so I thought let's see where this may go. He wasn't bad looking either so that certainly helped. We planned to go down to D.C. (HaHa) to listen to music--The Oranges Band (From Baltimore)--they are great by the way so check 'em out! They were playing at a super little club call the Red & the Black on H. So the trusting soul that I am--I agreed to let him pick me up at the homestead..yes I KNOW it's risky but I've never had a problem yet--& with a blackbelt I think I can defend myself...

The date was nice--he's a nice guy--attentive, not a bad kisser but---still a frog. No attraction again--at least he smelled fine--mebbe too much cologne--bleh, but no clash of the pheromones. My mom said to give him another chance as he may grow on me. I said that the bull has ruined it for anyone else right now...but of course I'll give him another go...I need to because as a result of my escapades with the bull on Friday night/morning, I was so tired coming home that I crashed on the drive. I totally burned the candle from both ends. But he was a very good sport about it so I do owe him another date--one in which I actually stay awake to kiss the guy.

The Devil in His Back Pocket

Samantha: “Easy! Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing!”
--Sex and The City



That's what I've determined I must be. I've thought about this for a few days after not hearing from the bull & I've come to the conclusion that I must represent the naughty & a bit of the wild child which is appealing to him. I'm the devil who is willing to push the envelope, walk on the wild side, etc. (You pick the appropriate description & activity--go ahead--let your mind insert any number of crazy & titillating ideas) & create that excitement. Of course he calls today--never let it be said that he lets too many days go by without checking in. He stretches it just long enough so that I begin to question everything & why I keep sticking around. Bleh....I'm just trying to enjoy things where they are & not think too much....God help me!

So fun divorce stuff rears its nastiness & I had to attend a "Special Challenges Parenting Workshop" this evening. My ex (AKA: Fnord--look up the word--it is quite fitting) wants my son to visit him in another state. On the surface there is nothing wrong with that except Fnord is a bum--no job, "disabled", & keeps popping out babies with his new wife. All the while living in an apartment belonging to his mother-in-law who lives there too, & a sexually inappropriate high functioning autistic child. Oh--did I mention that he collects SSDI? That's right, he claims he can't work & we, yes, we the taxpayers support his lazy ass! So I do not want him to go there. It's not that I don't want him to see his dad, quite the opposite. I want him not to go out there where parenting is questionable & appropriate childcare is suspect. If Fnord comes to Maryland to visit--great! If my former in-laws want to take my kid to see Fnord--no prob! Anyway, the court is doing a study of Fnord's home & the people he resides with to determine if my kid can go there. I ask: who's paying for the plane ticket? Who's gonna actually put him on the plane? Not I!! Anyway--even though the investigation is focused on the ex--I still had to attend this class. MY ex was there too--he is scary looking! He was quite attractive when we were together but now--SCARY!! Missing teeth, almost entirely gray @ 43 yo, bushy beard, pasty underside of a snail white, & very unkempt. I attempted to greet him & in fact wanted to enter into a dialogue with him about our son, but he was just plain rude. He didn't even want to know about our son's grades (which were quite good). I tried.

The only fun part of the evening was this guy who kept flirting with me. He kept looking back @ me & smiling & making faces to go with what was being said in the class. I was thinking: Why would I want to talk to a guy who had to go to this class (of course what does that say about me at the course?) He could be there because he has the problems (substance abuse, domestic violence, or mental health issues) that were being discussed. Mental Health Issues: See my ex--the Fnord. Nevertheless, I passed the time texting with the bull so all was not lost.

Friends, Lovers, Family-members--Lend me your Ears, or Eyes!

Busy weekend with family in town. My great Aunt passed away recently & was buried at Arlington National so all of her children--my cousins were here. There was a huge family dinner on Friday night & I had a guest with me: yep, the Bull/beast came to our shindig. Of course throwing a lot of my local family into a bit of confusion since we're supposed to be no longer together. They'd heard so much about him & also how we'd broken up & yet, there he was in the midst of my wacky family--and wouldn't you know, fitting in beautifully.

I can't figure all this out sometimes & I've been told that I've got to cut him loose, but somehow I can't. We just fit so well together. My dad wouldn't even say hello to him--he didn't like seeing his little girl hurt & the bull/beast has a lot of work to do to regain any acknowledgement from him. The bull/beast liked my family & as usual all this compatibility just makes me even more confused, bewildered & wishing that things were more clear between us. Friends with benes? More than that I think, Boyfriend/girlfriend--not really, but sorta....lovers--definitely, really good friends--absolutely....I told him on Saturday that he needed to get out of my skin. So anyone out there--if you have any thoughts--I'm open to suggestions.....

I'm not closing down my options, by the way, since I just don't know what the bull/beast thing is all about. I'm still pursuing online potentials, I thought I may have talked to a few potentials, but they turned out to be dead ends. A lot of guys like the idea of online, send emails etc., but just never put enough effort into actually meeting. That is very frustrating. Again, my mom likes to remind me about kissing frogs.... I seem to be doing so much of that.

I like to question the universe these days about where that soul mate is after all the false starts & frogs. I think the universe enjoys teasing me--sending me the bull/beast & having him just out of reach. I have to believe that there is the right guy out there for me...can you see I'm having a moment of weakness?

OK--enough self-doubt, etc. Off to the races!

Cyber-Stalking Part II

On to the phone stalker which I said I'd explain in more detail. The phone calls keep coming but now I'm pretty sure it has to do with some guy I talked to in Harford County just one time. So phone chickie--get a life! I'm so NOT interested in your conservative dude!!!! She keeps calling to say that this guy has a family & kids & I shouldn't be with him. Also strangely, & this is where I'm quite sure it ain't linked to the bull/beast, someone called this guy's ex-wife last week & left MY cell phone number to call to get info on her ex-husband. And wouldn't you know-she called my cell! She says to me, "Did you leave me a message?" I said, "Who are you?" And we begin to extract what the hell is going on. She had been getting strange calls in April & May about her ex. They started up again recently & someone left my number on her business phone. We chatted for about 10 minutes & decided that someone was just a bit of a whack-job & that if we continued to get calls we'd both go to the cops. I received another call last Thursday & the chickie left another message about leaving this guy alone. So now, when I actually have time, I guess I'll go to the police to start logging that both of us are being harassed. But now the name has changed. The first call I got distinctly said the bull/beast's name. Now it's a different name. After talking to the ex-wife, I was able to figure out the connection & now the phone-stalker chickie is leaving a new name--not the bull/beast's. Yeesh--too many multiple personalities! Anyway, I'm not too worried at this point because as I said earlier--he's not for me--so MP gal can have him with my blessings on their whack-job conservative asses!

Beauty & the Beast

This shouldn't be complicated but somehow it is.

I mentioned the new guy, AKA the Bear...it was a disaster for me on Friday night. He truly planned a fanstastic date--great Wine-based restaurant, great bottle of wine, & great conversation. It went completely downhill from there. I wanted to want him. I REALLY tried to get my head in the game. Try as I might there was no sexual chemistry. In fact--it sucked majorly. And this will sound funny but he didn't smell right...yes, believe it or not the pheromones just didn't work--blech! Plus, & this is the complication, my situation with the bull is still around. But even that wouldn't change the Bear situ. I will tell him that it just won't work because I really think he likes me and I don't want to drag this out unnecessarily. So goodbye to the Bear & onward to my web search.

The Bull & I: He insists that he's a beast so I guess I need to refer to him as the Beast now--like some sort of 12-step program--or so he claims & that first he has to admit there's a problem--what the problem is he fails to elaborate. Although I'm sure I have a clue. I've also found out that my stalker is not linked to him afterall..which is good in some ways & not so good in other ways. But as the weeks go by, my understanding of him has changed & I feel that our relationship has deepened significantly because I "get him" more now. Which is obvious after seeing someone for almost 5 months--duh. But it's different than that & I think we both know it. He even claims he "gets me" more than my best friends do & in some ways he's right & that makes me more vulnerable to being hurt again. But I'm working on the reality of our relationship & trying not to get so wrapped up again. He's still getting a lecture from my best friends so I told him to "gird his loins". His response was to give all of them voodoo dolls & write his name on it. I said that Christmas & Hanukkah weren't too far away...hint, hint. So on it goes.

The Stalker: Well now that is quite a different story. One for my next post as I have some more investigations to do. And no, the calls haven't stopped.

Lions & Tigers & Bears, Oh My!! (O--bulls too)

Another hackneyed phrase: When it rains, it pours...and so it goes. Online contacts seem to be stepping up the interest & meanwhile it appears that I may be very busy next weekend--already. The bear is proving to be a "does what he says" sort of guy--who makes it clear that he is in deep pursuit. It is very nice & quite flattering to have all this male attention, but it makes it quite difficult to keep it all straight. Not that I'm complaining, but I actually liked things better 3 weeks ago. But--chin up--shoulders square & embrace new possibilities...My son tells me I'm having a "sode" & need to stop acting so weird--I hope to take his advice shortly.

I think all my married friends get quite a kick out of all of this, except for my stalker situation, it has been quite the roller-coaster ride recently. One day I'm boo-hooing about the bull & the next I'm gleefully telling them about my potential new guy & how he gets it. So refreshing that he calls me regularly to talk & see how I'm doing.

As per usual, my BFF's & I were at a wine-tasting on Saturday, which is where they grill me about the latest in my saga. I eagerly tell them about the Halloween party but when things turn to "why am I going to D.C." questions, I have become quite silent. I guess I'm tired of them telling me to kick people to the curb (the bull in particular)--right now I'm seeing where things develop--nuff said--since I know they're all reading this anyway--I hope they get my point. Love you both & I know you only worry about me since I was a wreck before.....


Public Service Announcement: Everyone go vote!! See you at the polls!

Peace out!

It's Never So Simple...Is It?

Things are never as they seem. My stalker has moved to the phone & the bull claims that it has nothing to do with him--I am trying to believe it but there's a lot of shit going down & now I've been stalked again on my friend's blog...I received 2 threatening phone calls on Friday telling me to stay away from a certain person. It didn't work, by the way. I don't listen to whack-jobs. But I did tell everyone that if I received any more phone calls or another hit on the internet that I was going to go to the police. Well, with the last hit on the blog--off I will go. I don't know how you report an unknown assailant, but I have a recorded phone message & will turn over my cell to help the police get access to the "restricted" number.

The world is a weird place & one of the downfalls of online dating can be running into whack-jobs & the like. So far I've navigated the online dating thing pretty well--most of the men I've met, although not good matches for me, have been at least straightforward enough & nice. So this bit of unpleasantness will not discourage me one bit. It does make life a little more interesting...

Back to the real story: I had dinner with the bear tonight & I truly think that this will most probably go somewhere. He is very attentive, which I like, & I think may really be into me. It's nice because the bull likes to keep me around (I know, I know--why should I stay--it's complicated already!) & although I truly enjoy being with him I recognize that I need to move on to other potential men who may not have whack-jobs lingering in the fringes (I don't know for a fact that there is a link, but I have my concerns). I see a bit of a theme starting--bear & bull---HEEHEE. I am amusing myself. But the relationship with TBFVN is more involved than I originally thought...& I need to see where things are going with the bear.

Halloween Party Revelations

Everyone knows the hackneyed saying, "When God closes a door, s/he opens a window". Went to a "singles" Halloween Party last night very close to my home--I didn't think much of it--one of my single girlfriends suggested it & because of the recent situation with TBFVN, I said what the hell.

It was fairly lame until about 9:30 when in walks a bear. Yup, bear--full professional mascot kinda bear. Of course all of the females had to get a pic with the bear, myself included. After all the posturing the bear reveals himself to be a cute, "solid", tall guy. Needless to say, my radar was alerted to possible bf material--anyone with that lack of ego or with such a large ego that he can pull off that kind of costume will be someone of interest. Yes, the juxtaposition of egos is what makes this work for me. Turns out the bear seemed to zero in on me as well--pretty good for someone supposedly getting over a break-up & licking wounds. What follows is a great time with great convo--so far he seems to fit a lot of my criteria--intelligence, active lifestyle, sense of humor, employed....& NO I do not know about the sex! (At least not yet...) But there is a definite attraction.

The evening progresses & we get pretty cozy chatting until my girlfriend tells me she wants to leave--she drove--I obviously had no expectations here. He has already asked for my number so I figure mebbe he'll take me home--how can I not trust a guy in a bear suit? I ask him & he agrees & goodbye to my friend--she has a sorta boyfriend so I figured she'd go see him anyway--no harm, no foul.

Finally we decide to leave & he suggests going to an all-nite diner--one of my favs: Paper Moon--points scored for that one! All I can say is that we had a blast--and both of us obviously didn't want the night to end. We will be continuing in the future I believe. So maybe I won't have to jump through the online hoops afterall....yea! It is of course too soon to tell--but very promising.

Now to the not so nice stuff: While all this merriment is going on, the seemy underbelly of TBFVN rears its head: The cyber-stalker strikes again! This time via the phone! YIKES!! He needs to control his fucked-up females! But that is for my next post....

Soccer M.I.L.F.s & Cougars

Now comes the time to start over. Yes, pick myself up & dust myself back off & go back out online....Which brings in a whole new twist....after a very painful disentanglement from TBFVN, I know I need to start over again...SIGH, SIGH....Going back online isn't always fun. Starting the whole shebang over--bleh. I know, I should be feeling like, "OOH, a new adventure, new people to meet, how exciting!" I'm so fucking NOT! But as I mentioned in the last post--50 first dates...well a lot of the guys I've met just don't cut it for me. My mom says I have to kiss a lot of frogs but I'm not sure I want to.

Here's the process:

1. Change status on the dating sites back to single from seeing someone or turn the profile back on.

2. Start searching potentials & logging in to generate new interest

3. Maybe send a few "icebreakers" or "flirts", or "winks" or whatevers

4. Wait for the fish to start nibbling--which invariably they do....

5. Regularly check who's been looking at your profile to see if there are any worth emailing

The Fish:
The emails start rolling in like crazy--sometimes there are so many that I can't sort them all. TBFVN says men never get as many as the women do--which makes sense since women are told to NEVER email first. I will send an email if a potential guy looks seriously cool--I did with TBFVN--but look where it got me...sigh.

Anyway--most of the guys are just not even remotely my type--I hate to say it but many are tubby, 50-something, balding & BORING! I mean I'm not a knock out or anything, but yeesh! My profile clearly says I am looking for men from 35-50. Over 5'9" at least. I have nothing against short guys--I dated one once but I know I fit better with someone 5'10" or better. If the guy is bigger, but solid that's ok too--but tubby is different. I am an athletic gal--I have a blackbelt in taekwondo, I horseback ride, sail, run & go to the gym regularly so I want men who are a little athletic or are at least willing to go out & do something beyond the movies. How frickin' hard is that? To them, I'm a M.I.L.F.---Mom I Like To Fuck. Actually, one of my BFFs--CFW, came up with Soccer M.I.L.F.--we were even thinking about having t-shirts made to wear at our kids' soccer games...or Hockey M.I.L.F. (to go with the current times)--a little much for our suburban Baltimore neighborhood though so we nixed that idea. So far there are a couple that may be promising--out of at least 50, so only time will tell--I'll keep you posted of course.

The Fish (Part II)

These are the youngins'. I am the cougar here. They are 19-25 & think I'm a desperate sexual Samantha (which I may be since I'm not getting regular sex right now). They claim that "older women really turn them on..." They think that they will get a lot of sex (which they will) with more uninhibited women than their like-age counterparts. Which also may be true. However, other then the physical, what in God's name would we really have in common? I have a tween-age son for gosh sakes! Threy are barely out of highschool/college. I can't begin to tell you how many 20-somethings pick me up at bars. Very flattering, but also quite amusing.

So I'm off to start again--wish me luck--o--& then there's the lesbians who try to pick me up too--but I'll save that for another time....

Cyber-Stalking 101--boyfriend style

So welcome to my blog--if only for my own cathartic need & if no one reads this, at least I know I have a place to spill my guts. Before I get to my cyber-stalker let me just give a little background on why I started this running dialogue of the trials of modern single-mom dating.

I have been on at least 50 first dates (most probably more) & truth be told it gets mighty frustrating out there. Most of these dates have come from my online antics & for the most part have proven that there are A LOT of men out there. Insert the but.... & you fill in your own blank. Unfortunately those men have been just so wrong--except for a recent one--I'll call him The Bull from Van Ness (TBFVN) (here's where the story title comes in).

We met online this past summer & it was a rather instantaneous attraction--musical tastes, check, sailing, check, hot sex, check, check, check....oops--intelligence, quirky world-view...my list could go on. But as all really great things often go as being too good to be true--so did he--as my boyfriend & rather recently(OUCH). You know the old commitment issue--so I fall prey.

However, he seems to have a bit of a penchant for fucked-up former girlfriends. (I like to think that I was the first relatively normal one) but I digress. I've listened to him have a conversation with one such chickie & it is scary what I found out--something to do with stolen credit cards, cash & a DUI. And after 2 years he still has some of her shit stashed away....do I need to say hmmmmm? Anyway the convo was a bit disturbing: threats that if she doesn't make arrangements to pick the stuff up, he'll tell her son what a fucked-up liar she is, etc. I won't say how he has access to her son's info because that'd be too revealing here, suffice it to say-he most definitely could locate him. Anyway, he seems to have collected a few ones like that, which brings me to the cyber-shit.

One of my friends has a blog that I follow pretty closely--check out the list--there it is. He told me a couple months ago that someone was tracking my posts to his blog. Googling my screen name & following the links. So I asked him if he could find out why, how & from where it originated. He couldn't but would tell me if they came back. Anyway, I then googled my own screen name & lo & behold up pops links to TBFVN. Interesting. Time passes & last week my buddy tells me that the stalker has hit again. This time he found out where it came from--now this is very interesting....the SEC! He says--"are you in trouble with questionable stock dealings?" Laughing, I reply--"no way!" But my little red warning light comes on to tell me that TBFVN must be involved--you know...D.C. & all. Now I know it has to be a woman too--who else would be remotely interested in my connection to the Bull? I'm thinking--how stupid is this chickie! Why would you cyber-stalk someone from your work computer anyway??? As it stands, I immediately call TBFVN & tell him that he needs to let the person know to cut the shit out. I know it's relatively harmless, but I think it's really uncool to pry like that into my life & for that matter, my friend's(not TBFVN)--& to leave a calling card! I may google a new guy & pull up court records for safety reasons but I don't go tracking his connections in cyberspace--that's just not right. In a twisted way--it's nice that someone was so interested in who I was that they felt the need to track me twice, but really! My now ex won't reveal who she is, but he assures me that he took care of it--I wonder--what threats did he make against her?