Monday, March 29, 2010

Pushing Back

  • The connection between Cancer and Taurus is likely to be immediate - it’s almost as if one is a missing part of the other and they need to be reconnected. Straight away they will know how to interact with each other and will have no problems finding things to talk about.
  • When Cancer and Taurus get together sparks will fly - in a good way. These two have a very strong physical desire for each other that’s hard for them to fight...but then why should they?
  • These two complement each just fine - Taurus is likely to be able to bring some discipline and order to Cancer who simply wants to have fun. Cancer’s fun-loving attitude will bright a lot of light into Taurus’ life--
--Cancer-Taurus Compatibility

You know when you've got a great thing going & then you do something stupid?  I didn't go that far but I certainly could have.  But since our relationship has been very honest & open from the start, instead of making a bad choice, we talked. I am so happy that we feel comfortable enough & trust each other from the start.  I put the Cancer-Taurus compatibility there because it is so true--we've always thought about the "missing puzzle pieces" that we think that people are always seeking...reference to both Hedwig & the Angry Inch & the song "Such Great Heights".  The fact that the above excerpt brings that thinking to light just confirms things even more.  Which brings me to my specific point about being able to feel comfortable about talking about something that could have caused problems between us.

This past weekend Xing Fu was out of town & I was left to my own devices--not a bad thing but for some reason, I think I may have subconsciously missed my old single status.  I tend to be a bit flirty anyway & recently I've toned it down considerably for obvious reasons.  I think I missed it & so I may have encouraged a few guys that I needed to not encourage.  Nothing came of it but I felt a bit guilty.  That's the push back--me potentially sabotaging something amazing--in fact an old "friend" & I were planning on getting together this week while Xing Fu is away on business--kinda risky but here's where old patterns have changed--rather than hide it, I brought it up to talk about the whole thing.  I'm glad I did--it brought us closer together & we understand each other that much more--a very good thing.  Plus, we do trust one another--so he knows that nothing will happen to destroy something so good.  He also understands why I may be flirty--where that comes from--believe me, I so much prefer things the way they are now--the single thing--so done with it!  But that doesn't mean that a part of me mourns it just an eensy bit...

This week will be difficult while Xing Fu is away as I'll definitely miss him, but I am looking forward to Friday & the weekend as we are going to see Nada Surf & finally have a weekend that we can spend together--just us...wonderful.

Monday, March 22, 2010

I Win, You Lose!

Just a fantasy of mine--tomorrow is the much-anticipated Spoon concert down at the 9:30 Club in DC.  I've really been looking forward to it immensely as Spoon is one of my favorite bands--anyone who reads this blog knows that simply because I often post Spoon lyrics here.  I can't wait to share this great band with Xing Fu.  I haven't been back to the 9:30 Club in about a year--ever since Nada Surf, actually.  Going back down there gives me a lot of mixed emotions--especially since Spoon is a shared favorite band of a certain other Taurus I my fantasy is this:

Since it is entirely possible that I could conceivably run into the Bull at this concert, I think it would be just awesome to walk up to him & tell him that he lost--he lost me & now I have a wonderful guy who would NEVER treat me the way the Bull did.  "So now you've won."
That statement comes from the last text I received from the Bull.

Actually, I did.

Friday, March 19, 2010

It's The Little Things

Just say yes, 'cause I'm aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in

I can feel your heartbeat through my shirt
This was all I wanted, all I want
Its all I want
Just Say Yes--Snow Patrol

Last night I told Xing Fu that I thought my blog had lost a bit of thinking is that people desire a bit of schadenfreude here.  It's sad, but folk wanna hear about troubles in paradise & there aren't any, really.  I guess the only nasty would be the stuff he's going through (divorce) & how it spills over into us, but he does a great job of not making it a focal point.  Very important to keep that away from the center of our relationship--and we do, no matter how issues try to get in the way--I think the important part of this is the fact that we talk--about everything.  And we're 100% open about them as well.  Xing Fu said I should make up an issue to post to up my readership--something to titillate the masses...ha!  But frankly I like it this way.  It is easy.  I said that last night--we have had a few bumps in the road but as I said, we talk about them--the outcome of all of this is that it is easy to be with him--just like it is easy to be with my best friends--I don't have to be on eggshells, I can tell him anything & everything..we make each other smile--I catch him smiling at me quite a's the little things. 

Like dropping by my TKD school to watch me spar, calling me in the middle of the day to say hello.  Having a bet about the NCAA brackets--I'm losing so far.  Putting Spoon on the stereo because we're going to see them in concert very soon, even when it's March Madness.  Those are only a few of them--I think it has to do with attentiveness.  He is good to me & everyone says I'm glowing...still.  And I don't care if my readership is down!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Cute Eccentricities

My sister will love that I'm posting this but recently these things have been on my mind:

  "It's so true that the little things that you thought were cute eccentricities when you are first in a relationship seem to become some of the most annoying characteristics years down the road. And yes, I agree, there are certain things that must be a given if the relationship can grow--like knowing how to sail, being gainfully employed, and the ever popular, not being a compulsive liar and scum (he will not be named but we all know of whom I speak)."

So both Xing Fu & I get a little worried that what's so cute & interesting now will shift into the category of "glaring incompatibilities" later--which can cause a mini-freak-outs on occasion.  I think we're both a bit gun-shy because of past failed relationships but trying to learn from mistakes and improve upon them will hopefully allow us to relax a bit.  We both feel so lucky to have found one another & we both are worried that the mundane will take over or we'll begin to take one another for granted...perhaps this blog can help--reread the posts to remind us not to go down that road.  All that & we both tend to think too much!  I guess my "Red Flags" post hit a nerve--but not seeing any is a good thing...

Plus, that Lori Gottlieb book just keeps entering into my consciousness.  She often talks about how she overlooked the guys who weren't the Type-A personalities, or when she met for a first date there weren't any sparks so the thought of a second date just never occurred to her.  I think I also practiced the same behaviors--except I was often in pursuit of those "bad boys".  And then there was Xing Fu.   Xing Fu & I were friends first, racing together, etc.  And although I always thought he was attractive, I never pursued anything because he was unavailable at that time.  So, in terms of first dates, there just weren't any & of course no sparks--just a platonic friendship that I enjoyed; going to music & having great conversation...that was about it.  So when things did change between us, I think it was a surprise that it was so amazing & still is.  Gottlieb also talks about letting a romance grow from the dubious beginnings--if a first date doesn't send shivers, etc. still go on a second--a lot of very successful couples she knows didn't exactly skyrocket out into space when they first met.  

I am trying to get to the point here--within the section about first dates, Ms. Gottlieb also discusses the things that couples don't always like about one another--"I wish he were less laid-back" or "I wish she wasn't so cluttered", for example.  But they choose to accept those things & not grow them into the "glaring incompatibilities".  She says, "[that a couple] has that romantic energy I crave--finishing each other's sentences, being gentle with each other's vulnerabilities, having enough comfort to laugh at their respective less-than-appealing qualities."  That's what I'm interested in right now--the ability to accept & support.  The best part of the above quote to me is the part about "being gentle with each other's vulnerabilities".  Already I think we are.  What have been my vulnerabilities in the past just haven't been an issue with Xing Fu--he is gentle with me--he understands and then those little nasties just fade great is that?  I hope I return that to him as well--I think I do & I try to remember to be gentle as well--soothing the soul. Trusting that being vulnerable is not a risk--& it hasn't been & that's wonderful.

"Men always want to be a woman's first love.  That is their clumsy vanity.  We women have a more subtle instinct about things.  What we like is to be a man's last romance."  

A Woman of No Importance, Oscar Wilde

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Red Flags

Every time I start a new relationship I always worry about the red flags.  I hope that I don't run into any & invariably I usually do.  Good example was the last relationship I was in & his unwillingness to allow me to discuss anything that was really bothering me...or getting our sons together...or not being available by phone for an entire day when we're supposed to get together by get the picture.  In fact, looking back, there were red flags EVERYWHERE & they basically drove me nuts!  (Reference the post on Sunday February 22, 2009 Long Distance Dating Or any other one, really).  But that is old news.  

Those red flags can certainly mess up potential dates too--kinda like a list thing that Lori Gottlieb talks about--a red flag could be baldness or height or even his education level.  You cross them out at the starting gate without a second look.  In that case, it may be important to relax those flags a bit because you never know....look at Charlotte & Harry on SATC... Of course a red flag could be a non-negotiable.  Let me give an example...

When I look at my list one of the top items is being a sailor.  OK, you may think that's rather superficial but I don't.  My ex-husband did not like the water AT ALL!  He didn't get sea sick or anything, but for him spending the day sailing was like torture...that should have been a big, huge, planet-sized red flag!  Yikes!!  And I overlooked it!  See what it got me?  Sailing is in my blood so it really is a non-negotiable.  But if the guy is willing to learn to sail & go out with me on the water,  then I can be flexible.  Well, the Bull passed the sailing test...but y'all know the rest.  Xing Fu on the other hand--couldn't ask for much better--definitely no red flag there.  Not only did we race together from Spring through the Summer when we met crewing, (and look forward to more), but we spend a lot of time talking about sailing & looking to finding as much time as we can going out there--preferably together, even if it will be on my parent's push-button sailboat.  

There are of course other red flags & usually about a couple months into a relationship they begin to rear their questioning heads.  And so, upon reflection, and two months in, so far, nuffin'.  We've even talked about it...joked about it and ultimately, can't believe it.  And I'm quite sure we're two of the more realistic people and aren't prone to rose-hued glasses at this place in our lives.  Which is why we say to each other how lucky we are to have found one another.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Countdown To Racing

Haven't said too much about sailing recently--makes sense--it's not the season, obviously.  But Xing Fu & I figured that there were about 6 weeks until Spring racing starts again, and we're both counting down the days, hours, minutes.....It is a very good thing that we both race because summers would prove to be quite difficult otherwise...we both hope to race more together this summer...remains to be seen, but something we think would be great fun.

It's getting closer, though.  Picked up the March copy of Spin Sheet the other day...Just flipping through the pages just makes me so antsy.  I also received a few emails from a couple of the boats I sail on as well, and gladly I'll be returning when the season starts again.  Hopefully I'll get down to the Crew Listing Party again this year--at least this time I'll be far more aware of what to expect. 

In the meantime, watching & having intense racing discussions with Xing Fu which helps pass the time. 

Soon, soon, soon....

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

You and Me

Want to pack your bags something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
Moon and the stars will follow the car
And then when we get to the ocean
Gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes, yes
You and me together
We could do anything baby
You and me together yes yes

You and I were not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed we're gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky, we're gonna ride the blue
All the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh and when the kids are old enough, we're gonna teach them to fly


We can always look back at what we did
Always remembering how you and me did
Right now it's you and me forever girl
And you know, we could do better than
Anything that we did
You know that you and me
We could do anything

You and me together
We could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything baby

It's so small
Till we reach the end of the world

--Dave Matthews Band

Monday, March 1, 2010

What a Difference

A year makes.  

Last March....was hell right from the beginning.  We received the only real snow of the year that second of March & that was the day I shoveled my entire lot plus my neighbor's because I was just so pissed.  That was the day that at long last my time with the Bull came to an abrupt & needed end.  Looking back on that relationship I can see what not to tolerate.  But because it was my first long-term relationship after my marriage I didn't understand that I deserved to be treated waaaay better.  I get it now...and thanks to the Bull for that--yup, I am thanking him for getting out of the way.  Did he break my heart?  Yesterday Xing Fu asked me this question.  I paused for a while to give it some answer was that I wasn't sure, perhaps.  I think I truly believed I was in love with him but....even from the start I knew that I never saw a future with the Bull as much as I really wanted to---so I always held a part of me back.  So, in answer, no...not heartbroken--just a bit battered & bruised....

The universe works in funny ways...I sit here happily a year later knowing full well that all of that angst has paved the way for I what I truly believe is right.  And am I holding anything back?  Nope, no way!  The level of respect is front & center...I am treated like gold.  When the Bull claimed last year that he "Got me", all I can say now is "Yeah!  Right! What a raft of...."  Getting me is who's got me now...sometimes a little freaky how close we are; but always wonderful.  Karma.